I've met some pretty women, that is true
The graceful girls I know are not a few.
though beauty surely would not do her harm,
In cooking skills lies half a women's charm.
The perfect girl would feed my belly while
She still posesses all Grace Kelly's style.
But beauty and good cooking mix not well
Cilun'ry skills with Plain Jane's seem to gel.
So, if I have two women on my hook
A pretty model and a Plain Jane cook,
I'll choose as any gastric Coinnoseur -
Give me the cook, you have the model, sir;
No matter what will be her whim or mood,
I'll find my comfort in her tasty food.
So often girls can taint their precious name
These "liberated times" one has to blame.
Now as a rule girls will play hard to get
By that same rule they end up in your bed.
A trophy hunter, man will always be,
aiming at ev'ry girl he chance to see.
This hunter will discern, even in flight,
How game the girl is that's within his sight.
And if she's worth the effort of a hunt
He'll bring her down and add one to his count.
But girls, give ear to this piece of advice,
(And if the shoe would fit, do note the size)
A seasoned hunter goes for that one kill
That poses challenge to his hunting skill.
A girl unmoved by money, looks or fame
- a lady, true, not just some hunter's game.
What gives more joy or has more pain to claim,
Then playing at the age-old dating game;
Few games have more forms like the game of chess,
But then the dating game has not much less.
In Chess a player of ability
Can play ten players simultaneously.
The dating game is best played just by two
Add more to that and trouble starts to brew.
At school we played our chess games with a clock
One hour in which our mental horns would lock.
It's almost like a date that starts to whine
At eight o'clock - "we must be back by nine!".
But then a Master Dater's skill would peak,
Whene'er the final hour's bound to break.
(At 'leven Cinderella's charming prince
had wooed and won and never looked back since)
Great chessmen would attempt a blindfold game;
A fool would date a girl he knows by name.
'Though victims of a blind date's told it's fun
It's sure to bring great grief at least to one.
They search for happiness but find, instead,
their expectations are by far not met.
These dates invariable's arranged by friends,
who entertain themselves at your expense.
Playing computer chess has always been
the pitching of man's wits against machine.
But online dating is without a doubt
Trash entertainment for a witless crowd.
If you can't find by normal means a date,
Then bach'lorship is meant to be your fate.
So either hide away up on a shelf
Or go out there and boldly be yourself.
The most exciting games of chess are played
By those who are not by opinions swayed.
To them the game of chess is like a war
They either win or loose but never draw.
Author notes
A few rhyming couplets I've stringed together some time ago.
Written June 16th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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I quite like this, surprisingly, being an ardent purveyor of the 'I am a women and I am not cooking for any man' school of thought... however, I did actually rather like the sentiment, I was expecting a misogynistic rant, and got a pretty balanced, albeit cynical view of the dating game. It was slightly hard to read as a consequence of the constant use of rhyming couplets, but not impossibly so, and I rather liked that the convuluted style could be representative of the content, i.e the convuluted nature of women and dating. All in all a pretty damn good effort. Well done.
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what i meant by repetion was that your theme seemed overstated. but i wouldnt know i couldnt read past your 10th line but when you split it up it made it soo much better. i like your stanza idea better too because otherwise the little poems wouldnt stand by themselves. i think it makes the poem work alot better. (ALOT!) my problem with your poem was that it was hard to read and fixed it so good job.. it was a good poem i guess i come off a little critical.. you defenatly came off extremely defensive
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Hi catastrophe1479,
Interesting points you brought up, though I don't particularly agree with what you're saying.
I really checked and rechecked the poem but couldn't find any repetition of the thoughts expressed. All the little thoughts, as far as I can see, are distinctly scattered throughout the poem.
Two methapors (that of a hunter and a chess game) goes like a thread through several of the ideas but that was the only form of "repetition" I was able to discern.
I would really appreciate it if you would shed more light on this point.
I've split up the original piece in a few more stanzas to isolate some distinct points. I prefer that to breaking the whole piece up into "little poems", since the theme is central to all the little thoughts or ideas.
Long is certainly not always bad but if the content is dry and not very entertaining then length can be a curse. This piece is long but I've tried to keep it light and entertaining throughout. If I failed in achieving this then I'm afraid I've written a very bad piece of poetry!
Thanks for the feedback.
- Brad. -
i know alexander pope and i like his work. your poem is good..but maybe it would be better if you didnt repeat yourself. long doesnt equal bad but yours seems strechted out. maybe you could breaak it into little poems. and even if you like a certain kind of poetry doesnt mean you cant write another kind
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Oops... just realized that I forgot to bunch the box for our little happy-clappy friend. There we go. (sorry about that)
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Almost too cute, but well-done. I wasn't particularly bothered by the rhyme scheme; I think the long lines helped to break it up a good bit. (There's nothing wrong with form poetry in my book, anyway.) The images work well and the message is clear, well-illustrated, and just funny enough to work. Keep it up.
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Well now that I go back in look at it, I see that you're correct. I really should have done that before I said that. Apologies.
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If you are familiar with Alexander Pope's poetry you would have noticed that this piece is a very weak imitation of his poetry style. He perfected the whole "heroic couplet" form and with his masterful skill of the form he could write pages upon pages of these lines. Recently it has been said that he lacked true poetic genius because of the rigidity of the form he used. Someone even said that "he would make a rocking horse out of Pegasus".
But I'm a sucker for form poetry and I just love reading his works. -
Yeah, I suppose my rhyming gets a bit scrappy at times (though I must add that "draw" and "war" does rhyme when pronounced in the English spoken in my country).
As far as the meter is concerned - I've tried as far as possible to stick to iambic pentameter. Although my iambs may not be perfect, I can confidently say that the syllable count adds up to ten in every line. So I'm not sure what you mean by my lines being "uneven".
Thanks a lot for the feedback. -
o that was good! I couldn't stop lauhging...it was sp true and I loved how you compared dating to a chess match. You really thought out of the box on this one. I don't really agree with the Plain Jane cooking thing. Some really pretty women are wonderful cooks. Take me for example....lol. This really was deep and intresting. This needs a little form, maybe break it up into stanzas but the rhyming was good. I really liked this and you certainly had me hook, line and sinker. Excellent job and thanx for giving me the chance to read this. Good luck with the dating game...you seem to have it down though.
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Well I like the ideas behind it, but a FEW rhyming couplets? That's like saying there are only a few people in China. So I like the theme, but the lines are so uneven that it's hard to get through. So many of the lines aren't consistent in their meter and there are some that aren't even "near" rhymes (war and draw). I don't know but for me, couplets are a cool form of rhyme, but not in extemely long pieces.
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a few ryhming couplets??!! i couldnt finish the whole poem.its good but its so long and its wicked hard to read a poem that rhymes every single line that long. form what i got from your poem..you dont like dating- me niether.
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hummm.....
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