Shine sea for me. I ache to be
as endless, tough and cruel as you
who pound and slash and gore
upon the beach.
Cry sea for me. Scream loud for me,
a senseless,soft old fool. Howl true.
Make sound, at my hearts door
where voice wont reach.
Whip sea for me, and spin an air
that's tuneless. Break your ordered rule.
Come beat the ground, your lore
a gift you teach.
Hush sea for me. Be quiet, fair
and airless. Soothe. Lie still and cool.
My springs are wound. I'm sore.
Come heal the breach.
Author notes
Written June 16th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Spumey.
question? Make sound at my hearts door where voices wont reach. WHY? FEEL LIKE I'VE JUST BEEN HIT WITH SALT SPRAY.GREAT !!! -
This is beautiful and highly effective. I think your use of the word " sea " helps make it so. I have a fond obsession with the sea and I often , When I have the chance , Go there just to see and feel the waves again.
Also , Your use of short lines help to add a descriptive edge. Quick bursts , Rather than sometimes over-winded stanzas. But there is also an unknown pain here , Something that is hard for you to come to terms with...I feel that very much throughout.
And I like the use of the word " thing ". I think it fits perfectly with the poems representation. And the picture is wonderful.
Nice to get to read you again my friend ,
James
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almost great
this poem was melancholy and full of imagery. There is only 1 part that I didn't like. The line 'a thing to teach'. Isn't there another word to use, other than 'thing'? skill, riddle, rhyme, tale, story, poem.. whatever... anything other than THING. It seems like the poet didn't know what to say specifically and just used the most generic word in the language instead. -
Great job. It was a joy to read. Thank you very much...
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Exquisite, so powerful and enforcing. Great write, an absolute joy to read. The commands heartfelt and the flow superb. Thank you for a great time reading, hope you had fun writing this piece.
It sure seems so.
Sam. x -
Wow what a fantastic way to describe the beach. This was really good! I absolutely loved it. I think this was my favorite line
"Whip sea for me, and spin an air
that's tuneless. Break your ordered rule.
Come beat the ground, your lore
a thing to teach."
This was beautifully written keep writing like this it's great!
-Kayla
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good
I was a lil lost in the beginning but at the end too so I am gonna say the middle was my favorate -
No thare are no criticisms from here either this captured the magic and unprdictability of the sea its violence and its calm. The writing itself mirrored the flow of the sea. a most captivating and sensual write. I loved it.Stella.
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wow :D
this is wow... rele jus brilliant. not a lot else can be said about it... i hav no critisism there is nothing i dont like about it, its imaginative, had great imagery, is not too long, nor too short, flowed well and everything... an amazin write... luvin ure work. x -
pain is way to rain and rain is way to peace
An beautifull attempt for nursing the feeling of herself in a very thought provoking manner. The thoughts are knitted with imagery of the sea again and again enhacing the force of the internal drive of the write making it just slick one. The flow of the write is very much according to the mood of the subject chosen as an area of the pain and emotions. I appreciate this write very much.prabhudayal khattar -
wow...this was a very nice poem...it was very peaceful...reading it aloud sounds really nice
....good job and keep writing!
Poetry-4-Life
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wow. That was incredible. The imagery was quite beautiful! Keep up the good work,
~Khyber
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