My sorrow feels cold
as winter's brace on silver.
This sheathless blade I hold...
My hand begins to quiver.
Beneath the weeping willow...
Sitting all alone in the snow.
My crying begins to bellow,
The only thing listening is my sorrow...
The knife gleams with winter's sun,
But the blood glows, in my eyes.
The white land turns on and on,
As a part within me dies...
My sorrow feels even colder now,
Feeling so hollow inside.
But that's okay... how?
In hell, my sorrow cannot hide
Author notes
I chose A. DARK, My inspiration is my childhood. 
Written June 15th, 2005
A contest entry
- New Poets, many reasons to enter! by empire of dirt.
300 points, ended June 21, 2005, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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It's ok, there are some nice lines in it but I think the ryhme scheme of it makes it too...nice I guess.
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this is another good one. i like all of your poetry. it's really good. most of your poems can make me remember a deep dark secret of my past that i'd rather forget, but i know that i have to face it sometime. well anyways...this one is so heartfelt and touching. it's a great write. keep writing.
jen. -
It's so simple, yet so deep. The pain is so real. Very well done.
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Wow, lovely flow here. A very saddening write, you pulled me in immediately. The ending is bitter, great wording. Thanks for your entry, nice!
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emotion packed. We all read things differently and reading this I feel a little improvement could be made from the removal of redundant words. I feel that sitting on the first line of stanza 2 and but on the last line of the same stanza are redundant, not needed. The last stanza 2nd line, 'and now I feel hollow inside.', maybe a little re wording e.g. 'feeling so hollow inside' All in all a very emotional piece that I can relate to................
I feel for you with your childhood, I have several poems about my childhood, not nice, but these things I think make us stronger, if we are as you able to embrace our thoughts and write them down, we become that much stronger in our thoughts and are able to get on with our lives not letting our abusers win.. I am presuming this was the case... Stay strong and needing to talk I am only an IM away............
I would like to wish you luck and thank you for entering........
Hugs and Love LindaXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx
Edited on Jun 16, 3:22 because ''. -
This is a magnificent write! I love the imagery and wording. And the rhyme scheme is very nice, not forced. This poem really speaks! Great job and Good Luck!
xxBlissxx -
I'm not exactly new, but I know I've got weak spots myself. I only wish more people would point them out to me... thanks for being grateful, it's nice to know my efforts are appreciated
Good poets are always willing to improve
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Thank you, I'm still fairly new to writing poetry and I know there are weak spots. I am always grateful for constructive criticisms.
Edit done.
Aran -
Thank you love. (still plastic roses, but the feeling's genuine)
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I'm sorry you had a bad childhood... mine wasn't so bad except when I was 12 I lost my father (killed by a drunk driver) and thereafter my mother turned verbally abusive.
This was written quite elegantly, great word choice and imagery.
I like your rhyme scheme too, not the typical rhyming pairs- nothing forced or cliched.
The only word I'd ask to be changed is "crimson" because it's far overused. (use rhymezone.com to find a rhyme for sun)
"In hell, my sorrow cannot hide" is an excellent line!
Short but really packed full of emotion. Very well done.
Thank you for entering and good luck!
Edited on Jun 16, 1:03 because ''. -
runs up to you and holds you close Mommy!! inundates your with hugs
Your past may be dark, but your future is bright.
<3 Love, Your daughter, Kate
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