Dark clouds, glowering sky,
Black and White, jerky movements.
Feelings building, anger raging,
Heavens open, as weeping I fall.
They say I'm nothing, no-one at all.
Wind roars, pain builds,
Glowing crimson, blood flows.
Knife glimmers, as it falls,
Rivers flood, as weeping I fall.
They say I'm worthless, no good at all.
Sea's pound, rocks crash,
Black hatred, heart of murder.
Tongue bleeds, as I hold back my rage,
Volcano's explode, as weeping I fall.
They say I'm crazy, why fight at all.
Author notes
I chose option 1, depression because: This is me, my feelings, my life.
Why is it always biscuit? Why can't it sometimes be cake?
Written June 15th, 2005
A contest entry
- Angel Or Devil.....Happiness or Depression..... by sky black.
450 points, ended June 21, 2005, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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this one is really good. i like it a lot. i like it cuz it tells the truth about how a person really is when they're depressed. it's really good. it flows good with the rhythm. well anyways...great write. keep writing.
jen -
Great emotion and imagery- this flowed quite well.
"as weeping I fall." may sound better as "weeping as I fall"
"crimson, blood flows." crimson's used too much in relation to blood, finding a new word will keep you from being cliched.
"Sea's pound" should be "seas", "Volcano's explode" should be "volcanos" (only use an apostrophe for contractions and possesives, not plurals).
Good luck in the contest!
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this is a lovely poem, well captured in your emotions, sadly though...you haven't followed the rules and i cant judge it until you do!
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