Who Am I

Once I thought I knew who I was and who I wanted to be
I did what I did just because and thats all I could see
Finally I see a light ahead and I knew it was just as said
I came out of the night and He gave me sight
to put up a new fight which I knew was right.
Now on this day confusion sets in I don't know whats sin
I feel I lost the game even before I begin, I cannot win
God forgive me for the fear and for it I shed many a tear
Help me rest in your grace and to seek out your face
But I gotta say I feel as if sprayed by mace, as if I'm under a chase
Lord hear my case, save me from the devils embrace
I am tempted to give up this race, but I know its one I've got to pace
But what is this confusion or is it all an illusion
Are you saying its not your will, or that I need to have faith for you to pay the bill.
I feel guilty, filthy
I don't know why, dear God hear my cry
please don't pass me by
When I see them standin there my heart has a deep care
but the devil has his little snare and tempt with a little dare
Why if I smile a bit do they read into it?
What if its real? Am I capable to feel? I just pretend my heart is made of steel.
I do not want to make the same mistake again, I never want to be in that pin.
Do they know how much of a sacrifice it is to give a heart away, how much we have to pay.
I fear to again love the same, even by a diffrent name
But God give me grace to finish this race
Show me His will and to keep my heart still