Technology has laced my muscles lean
While gadgets now replace my spleen
A few more meds and my corpse shall keep
And not for me shall another eye weep
The latest science now riddles my soul
My humanity has become a darkened hole
A cutting edge wonder I have become
Feeling no pain, I have become numb
A loving caress or the sting of pain
At last my nerves they all refrain
I hunger not for drink or food
Only a mechanical interlude
Now at the fringe of mental bliss
A strange longing for another kiss
Eludes my sense of human feelings
As I lay here staring at the ceilings
This treatment is the last to be complete
Just this one and I shall be a perfect feat
A modern marvel that shall never again age
Though frustrated on the edge of metal rage
^....^....^....^....^....^...................
Author notes
For the contest
Written June 14th, 2005
A contest entry
- You are immortal by cake.
300 points, ended June 15, 2005, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
From HammeR
to HammernatoR. The six-million dollar (government cost over-run) HammeR! Cyborg HammeRs eating Cincinatti! Oh my, the imagination runs rampant with this one! Interesting look at the marvels of science! -
I do appreciate your kind words about this write and am glad that you enjoyed reading through its lines. Every once in a while I slip in the shower and things just kind of come to me......lol. Only joking about the shower thing. I hope all is well with you. Thank you once again for reading through this write. Take care.
-
Why thank you kindly Hearts a Fire, I do appreciate you reading through this one and leaving a great comment in response to the write. I guess the only way to know for sure would be to actually have the surgery. Kind of like you dont know the experience of death until that time comes........and then you cant share it with anyone else. I think I would miss all of the left brain functions myself, perhaps I would compensate and become more adapt at technical functions and see that as my artistic outlet, once again who knows. But it does jog the knoggin doesnt it......lol. Thank you for stopping in and take care.
-
You are correct, I was eluding to the facet of human nature that might reject the overload of machine. It does pose a good question about possibly an AI having a soul? After all it is aware of itself........hmmmmmm. Would we still retain our soul if we became more machine than human? I kinda wish Albert Einstien was still around to give us the answer. Thanx for stopping in and having a read through this one. Take care.
-
Wow, I really liked this poem very much. I have always enjoyed your poetry very much
Keep up the good work my friend and never stop penning
-
wow hammer. almost seems like your saying that because the man lost his human mortality he lost his human soul. that's a very deep concept.
-
It has a tragic feel to it???? Here I was going for parody....lol. Only joking girl, I agree with what you said up there. I appreciate the grand review you gave it and dont know about the talent part. It seems that talent visits when it wants to and leaves with the next passer-by on a whim....lol. Thanx for stopping in, hope all is well with you and yours. Take care.
-
Thanx lencio-sunchild. I enjoy the techno scene every once in a while and play around with some of the "what if" every chance I get. I think that there is a niche for those of us who know a little of the lingo to spin a few tales or pen a few lines of prose about it. Thanx once again and take care.
-
This certainly has a tragic A.I. feel to it! (referring to the movie)
This is a great write and I would be surprised if you did not place in this contest! Talent, talent, talent and more talent. You are not for want of talent...
Lorena -
Great write, in my opinion, worthy of a gold.An interesting topic to write on, something which I have not come across. Very original. Like the lines:
The latest science now riddles my soul
My humanity has become a darkened hole,
How true. Thanks for sharing this with us.
-
Father Bob indeed macandrew. A very predominant figure in the techno age. I read a few of his books but his lingo was hard to follow for me. Unless I totally submersed myself in the book I would have to go back and re-read parts until I knew what a goo doll or whatever word he used was. I do appreciate you taking the time to read over this one and provide me some feedback. Is the bow still strung? Take care and keep the string a twanging.
-
Ah a techno-shaman has passed before this write and paused for a read. I have saw some of the new masks on your page and really like the way you have fused the components together. I was going for the cyber-phsycosis with the write and I see that you have gazed deeply into the future and withdrew the info that was needed to deduce it from my meager words. I really appreciate you stopping in and having a stroll through this one. Hope all is well in the shop and you take care of yourself.
-
Thanx Queen, I appreciate you checking this new one of mine out and I hope that it gave you a nibble of my writes to satuate you while I am on the road. I am writing another for a pirate contest........lol. I just wished I had time to read like I used to have. Hope all is well with you and that life finds you with a smile upon your face. Arrrrgh......take care me roguish Queen.
-
very good
Very well done. A pleasure to read. It reminded me of the Necromancer series by William Gibson.
A good read.
John -
Thank you Cake for holding the contest. I dont usually enter too many but thought I would add my warped twist to the question you pose. Hope you have some great reads with all the writes. Take care.
Edited on Jun 16 because ''. -
This is an interesting tweak on the android/cyberbot theme -- where the brain rebells against an absence of sensory inputs...and yes, I think this would be entirely plausible. The mind is a complex piece of bioengineering and with rampant human 'tweaking' could lead to some form of insanity...or rage as you put it.
Interesting thoughts! Best of luck in the contest.
-
Hammer this is fantastic i have missed your poems around here.
good luck in the contest
-
Most interesting and original. Thank you for entering the contest. cake
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
5 old applause
