Dear Sharon,
the pain that has become entrenched with your loss, seems to know no bounds, the small reminders of your son that are strewn around your home, and locked within your mind seem to offer no comfort. The guilt in your heart seems endless, however you are not at fault. The tragic loss of your son at such an early age feels like a punishment, you search your soul wondering what you could have done. The answer.....nothing, he had his reasons why he thought that suicide was the right thing to do, it was his decision to make, and no reflection on you as a person or as a mother. I know the pain arises anew each time you open your eyes, and realise once more that he is gone, I know that you constantly want to know why. I know that the memories of your son are both a comfort and a painful reminder that he is no longer here. He is at peace now. Whilst you suffer, his suffering is over. There are probably a great many things that were left unsaid, numerous things you wanted to share with him, do not feel that it is too late to do so. Say what you want him to know, he will hear you, do the things you wanted to do with him, he will be with you. He is and always will be a part of you, and his memory will live on through you, and those he was close to. Yes he is gone, but not forgotten. The pain will ease, a little at a time, you will find yourself remembering all his little quirks, his habits, the funny things he said, and you will be able to smile once more. It does not mean that he is any less important to you, or that you miss him any less. It does not mean you no longer grieve, simply that you are choosing to remember all you loved about him, and all the things he brought into your life. Liz right now you must feel so raw, feel like the pain will never ease, I promise that it does. It becomes a little easier each day, and each little bit it eases frees up a little more space for the good memories. I lost a relative to suicide, and I can empathise with the total sense of failure that you feel, yet I do not believe that your son would think you failed him, just as my sister would not blame me. You have been all you could be, done all you could do, and loved all you could love. Celebrate his life, and his wonderful uniqueness, and remember that he is always with you. I wish you peace, and blessings, Kay.
From your cousin Patti's AP family online
Author notes
Written June 13th, 2005
A contest entry
- He Took his Own Life! Please... comfort poems needed... by Periwinkle Blue.
475 points, ended May 1, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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You have done a fine thing here...
and it shows so much insight and compassion! 
Amazing wisdom and spirituality that feels like a warm and loving hug! Thank you very much, fine writer!
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Thank you for reading and commenting. This was a truly loving thing to do - holding the contest for your friend and her family. It gives a hint of the kind of person you are. Blessings to you K
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Perfection
You have caught every ounce of emotion, hurt, anger, thought, tear, scream that i could rant n rave and tell my cousin Sharon. I so Wanted to speak these exact things to her but in such time of pain and grief i clammed up because i too was in such place not to understand the why's, the how come's, the mental state of my cousin. I only knew he was no longer in emotional pain but i was and still am bewildered by it all. Some may say actions speak louder than words...but in my familiea case as of this month of April...This letter of words speaks volumes. Thanks so much for your thoughts, your prayers, and comfort. Patti
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Patti, thank you for your comments, i am touched that you have taken the time to comment when you are at a very emotional time in your life. I truly hope that Sharon can take some comfort from these words. Just as I say in the letter, there is nothing you could've done either, suicide is so rarely discussed before it is committed, and you truly couldn't know how your cousin felt. I know thatthings are very difficult and I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Much love K
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Hi sweetie, my theory is that we cannot remember things at first because they are too painful, and that we open our memories a little more as the pain begins to ease. Janet was so special to me, we had a bit of a fall out a few months before she died, and I blamed myself for a long time after she overdosed, thinking that If only we hadnt had that silly row she would have come to me like she always had before. I know now, that I couldn't have saved her, and that she chose what she felt was her only option, and no amount of input from anyone else would have changed her mind. I rember all the good times we had, all the things that we laughed at etc,. Janet wrote me a letter, in 1996, and after she died I spent months trying to find it, but never did. Around ten weeks ago, I moved house and it turned up in the bottom of a box when I unpacked, along with a friendship bracelet she made me
I think that was her way of letting me know she is still with me. You will never forget all the special things about him, or how much he meant to you, it will just take a little time of healing before you are ready to remember. I know that the pain is still very raw right now, and I can't pretend that you will wake up one day and be 'over it' because you won't, but it will hurt a little less each day, and you will be able to find peace and strength from your memories. Much love to you honey K
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Kay~ I wish I could give you a job here, it's great :-) It's pretty much as long as I get my work done, they don't really care what else I do.
I had more love (maybe just a different love) for Chad, than anyone else in my life, including my ex husband. I would have done anything for him, I was simply amazed by every new thing I learned about him, and I can tell you know where I'm coming from. Your letter not only is going to help Mrs. Liz, it helped me as well. I've been so scared lately of forgetting the things I loved the most about him, and you've helped me realize that the memories aren't gone, it just takes time for them to pop back up. Anyway, yeah, I'm getting all emotional now, please know that anytime you want to talk I'm here.
Loves and Hugs to ya,
~*~Dena~*~ -
Hi there Dena, thank you for understanding my relationship with her, people often think I'm weird when I refer to her as my sister, but it is natural to me. You can tell that you had a great deal of love for Chad, even though he was an ex, and I agree completely, that You can still deeply love someone who is not your partner or a relative. Thank you for the offer to talk, I appreciate knowing that someone is there if I need them Wow can I come work with you by the way, I'd love to be paid to sit here all day I won't tell if you give me a job
's K xx
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Kay, I know what you mean when you say although there were no blood ties, she was your sister. And she still is. Chad was my ex boyfriend when he died, which didn't mean I loved him any less as well, to me it just means that he loved me and was trying to spare me the heart ache that he THOUGHT being with him would bring. So yeah, I know what you're talking about there. I'm usually on to most of the day 8-5, I love how my job pays for me to be on AP (shhhhh don't tell my boss), so the offer goes back to ya, if you ever want to just rant on to somebody, hit me up. Again I thank you so much for entering, you really are an amazing person.
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Hi Dena, you are very welcome, as soon as I saw the contest and what it was for, I wanted to reach out to her, and also to you. I applaud the total selflessness, you are hurting so much, and yet want to help Chad's mom, over your own needs. Very brave and very loving! I sincerely hope that Liz finds some comfort from my words, and that you have found the entries cathartic to you also. If you should ever need an ear, I'm usually logged in at some point every day, so leave me a msg and I will get back to you asap. I feel I need to let you know, that the 'sister' I refer to in my poem, was not my biological sister, she was my best friend of 8 years, and her daughter always knew me as auntie k, I always considered her my sister, and she did me. The blood tie was not there, but spiritually we were not just best friends, but sisters and mentors too. It does not mean I miss her any less, and she will always be part of me. Love and best wishes to you K
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I'm speechless. I can't even describe how wonderful this was. This is exactly what I wanted and needed Mrs. Liz to hear. You have said it all in a wonderfully unique way. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister, but I can see here it has made you only a stronger person, and an amazing woman to want to help someone else in a simular situation. Thank you so much for the time and effort you put into this, I know it must have been at moments a very difficult write. Thank you again.
Love and Hugs to ya,
~*~Dena~*~
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