When thou past by me, and I did see
O lovely is thy gander
Whence thou cast thine eyes on me
Mine heart you stole in grandeur
Truly love would imprison me
If my name thou did rehearse.
Your beauty fairs far lovelier
Than any thing on earth
Each step you make,
takes the grace
Of winged Angels rapture.
O My Love, I beg of thee:
Is this my only destiny?
The torment of your gaze on me
Is this loves finest hour?
Author notes
[RAINbow]
A contest entry
- and This is Unrequited by YourTruestIntention.
625 points, ended December 18, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love's truest hour. by SecretPsychology.
500 points, ends December 14, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Oooh, this could be a Shakepeare poem.
Very pretty
Each step you make,
takes the grace
Of winged Angels rapture.
I love those lines, you're a good writer -
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Beautiful Blue_Rose Beauty
Thank you sweetheart for your warm annd heartfelt comment. You are right, this was my first attempt at writing a shakespearian style poem. I do llike how it came out. You understand it is about an unrequited love.
thanks 
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i like the use of this style of language and the sweet messaged of love shared.
well done.
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I loved it's charm
This has old world charm and with it, old world passion. You write this well and the language come through with meaning.
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TC
Thank you for finding that in this piece. It was my first attempt at writing in Shakespearing style. It came out alright for a first try...
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it's overexagerated but I think it suits its style nicely. you did the Shakespearian really well- i'm sure it's difficult, and the poem came out really pretty
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thank you for your comment, if I may ask what about it makes it overexagerated? I appreciate the comment on the shakespearian attempt for it was my first try at it.
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don't take it offensively- for the Shakespearian style it's perfectly fine as I said. the three ideas expressed in lines 5-11 are mainly what I was referring to though. Maybe for you it's different, and that's okay, but for me, no one is THAT breathtaking. It's like, in Sonet XVIII, Shakespeare talks about how his love is NOT perfect and he loves her anyway. You're portraying the opposite. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that though.
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I do appreciate your honesty and respect what you have to offer. thank you
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Thank you. Your supportive comments means a lot to me. I appreciate the time you spent in reviewing.
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It truely is my very first attempt. When I have the time I will study some other poetry of past and try it again...maybe Longfellow style. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Thank you
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very good for a "first try"
it seems more like you've been writing this sort of thing for a while
"the torment of one's gaze" - a great topic, a lot of people could probably relate to this -
Sure thing hun. I sent you an IM with a few tidbits
Welcome again!
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I thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. I love writing and someday I hope it will support me. Any suggestions you can give me on how to get around here would be appreciated.
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First attempt?!
Well, I believe you just might be a natural at this sort of thing. If you like this type of poetry to read as well, you may want to check out Hugh Wyles he does all sort of sonnets etc and he's very good at it. Your piece here, is really a wonder, especially for a 1st attempt. Again you impress me, not easy to do. It truly is a pleasure to find you and your talent. Blessings, Gypsy
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This was my first attempt at writting a Shakespearian style poem. I hope you like it and I welcome your comments.
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