The tattered script of ongoing formalities
Breaks in the wind from the dawning of lust
As all suns descend, night gives way to perfection
And cripples these words as the scripts fall to dust
Strip these walls of inscriptions of chaos
To relieve and retrieve a feeling of freedom
Wooden planks on which to walk with our futures
And a vast sea of jealousy to condemn what’s become…
…The deceit and the fault of creating a fixture
See what’s become of your precious one now
I could swim in your eyes, and I’d drown in your emptiness
And I’ll crawl till forever to catch up to you
Oh sweet whispers of suicide, I beseech, cross my arms
For this day and this age beauty’s always so cruel
In this cold desyncopated silence
You once shown like the sum of all suns
I defied you and bid you to lead this facade
Sweet denials arose in stares as to mend
You said time would come, you said time was just fleeting
You said it was nothing, and as nothing we shall end
Author notes
Written June 11th, 2005
A contest entry
- Sadistic Emotions by Never Fall in Love.
650 points, ended April 11, 2007, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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"And I’ll crawl till forever to catch up to you"
I think that's a brilliant line... heck, the whole thing is brilliant! Fantastic write; I especially like how it ends. Good luck!
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hmm
the third and fourth stanza lost it's rhyme
but i have to say
I love the LAST line of your poem
its very ..whats the word .. effective?
The deceit and the fault of creating a fixture
See what’s become of your precious one now
I could swim in your eyes, and I’d drown in your emptiness
And I’ll crawl till forever to catch up to you
this was my favourite stanza .. i wish it did rhyme
lol
if you have it fixed .. you have a great chance so far
keep it up
good luck
NeveR ♥
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Wow! Very nice write. I liked the imagery that you have used in this piece. The language is clear, and concise, and the flow is perfect. I particularly liked the last stanza. It clearly depicted how friends and family members may tell us that things are going to get better, but they don't always do so. It also showed the way that many people put up a facade that everything is alright, when it is quite the opposite.
I think that many people could very well relate to this.
Great write, I look forward to reading more from you.
Good luck in the contest.
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