Wake me up
From my childish dreams
Stop my tears
That flow in steady streams
Make me forget
About the hurt and pain
Don’t leave me
Sitting all alone in the rain
Help me
Wash away the sorrow
Save me
From tomorrow
Author notes
plz tell me what ya think
Written June 10th, 2005
A contest entry
- Contest~Your Choice by Dak.
600 points, ended January 16, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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The flow and rhyme are well, but I feel you could have gone more in depth with the emotion. Not a bad poem at all, thanks for entering in my contest :]
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i love this so freakin much....it is alot like me and how i feel.......
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short poem.. but it's working quite well.. it flows with heart and beauty.. if you decide to add more to it.. hit me up k?
Itsa kickin' read.. so yeah.. keep writing
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This is a beautiful piece Sierra. And at times I feel this. Keep your chin up sweetie and know I'm always here
~Angel -
Love It
in only a few words yet each and every lines is sooo sad
and very meaingful to the flow are great and the poem really moves me I really like this poem alot
GREAT WRITE!!!keep it up and never stop writing!
~*~Mina~*~ -
OH! This is so short and sweet, so tiny and simplistic! I really like it. Of course, I imagine you're tired of me saying the same things over and over again. Sorry, it's just that you work is great. I especially like:
Help me
Wash away the sorrow
Save me
From tomorrow
Those are the lines that put the poem together, right there. Outstanding job, like always!
~Taylor -
This is a really wonderful write, I love it!!! Short, but it makes so much sense, well done... Great job, as always... *HUGS*
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* : ~ : * Becky * : ~ : *
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P.S Thank you for your comment on one of my newest pieces, but if you find time please could you have a look and comment on my 3 newest pieces, it would be much appreciated...
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I absolutely love this. Your rhythm, your flow, your rhyming was all perfect. I love your conciseness and your information. The physical shape of your poem is also very interesting. Someone else commented and said that more information would be nice, and I agree, imagery is always great, but I actually like this the way it is. It leaves it open to the reader's interpretation. The reader can apply his/her own values and personal circumstances to the write and thus relate to it. "Hurt" and "pain" are very general, but I don't think you need to explain to the reader the cause. You can, but you don't have to. In this case, I think the ambiguity of the words is a plus.
The only thing I have to say is that this is a really hard background to work with. The red doesn't show up well on the left, so it's hard to read the comments. I've found that white is the best color with this background.
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I really enjoyed this poem, so much deep emotion. I love the last two lines, a lil bit of a surprise when i read them. great write and I enjoyed reading it!
-butterfly -
Brilliant
I like that, almost a pleading poem, pleading for help... for a better life. I get a strong sense of vulnerability and helplessness. Well done, a great write and the I like the whole structure. Keep up the good work!! -
I like this poem, but I think it could use a bit more detail.
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short and sweet! Well written and filled with emotion. I ask everyday to be saved from tomorrow
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