Expensive Lies
Jenny Nguyen
Expensive lies proclaimed in the public
Venue. Their deceitful tale sings songs of
Praise for Greed, Lust and Ignorance; Classic
themes for Man's never-ending worldly love.
Age-old demons lurk beneath sheltered smiles,
Promising fame and fortune for the small
Price of a soul. The prequel to exile
From Heaven's holy gates and God's great hall.
People have become victims of the lack
of war; Prisoners of their own Ignorance;
Weaponless and exposed, prone to attack.
Their only shield is God and a conscience.
Despite it all, there lingers hope that we
will see the truth and it will set us free.
Author notes
A "sonnet" for school. I borrowed lines from an old piece...
i'm currently at a mental block and i hate the ending... help or any suggestions would be appreciated, cause really? "hope that we will see the truth and it will set us free"is horribly cliched and primary. I should hope I have more intelligence and originality than that somewhere... so until then, consider this still "unfinished."
lol. I got 14.5 out of 15. 8 out 8 for the piece itself, and 6.5 out of 7 for delivery. According to my teacher, I needed to look up a bit more often. 
Written June 7th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Good
SNow, what a wonderful poem for some that has writers block. It was almost dark and mysterious like an old novel. The did change most of that feeling, but it was a good write. I wrote an knock the past administration piece that felt much like this called "Night Breed" Can you tell the real meaning of it. good write image and Visions -
always good
nice work. liked the midpoint especially but then that is almost always what is excellent about your work, solid throughout. I tend to fold in the middle. The ending is beh. Yeah a bit cliched but oh well. To me it's mostly just a bit abrupt. I wouldn't worry about it. Sorry I didn't comment earlier been gone a bit but hey no worries right? Guten nocht "for now tis time for the lights to dim, as the darkness falls does evil win, or is the God still mighty yet, which Satan finds to his regret."
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For if we do not see the truth soon,
More victoms will fall to the lurking demons.
Its just finishing up your thought I do hope you like it. Your poem has a clasic tail of good vers evil. Infact it's so well written it is very easy to get caught up in it. Great work I hope these lines help you finish off your poem or give you an idea to finish it. -
Well, you apparently did well in class with this, except for looking up now and then, perhaps a recital, with it memorized, but this one is a little more thoughtful rather than passionate, so a 'slam' might not really convey your thoughts.
I sense a struggle between faith and reason in your write, always a place of contention with those seeking knowledge. Good luck in resolving that particular dilemma...
amicus...
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