Red, like muddy passion;
Day old desires
and reused heartbeats.
Brick walled memories;
Tarnished beliefs
and congealed defeats.
Smoothered crushes
with lost kisses
and burnt red blushes.
Red-knuckled anger
like bricked fury;
halted irrationality.
Brick red thoughts,
Those marred suicides;
haunting innocence--lost.
Bloodmarks, birthscars,
everyday annoyances
Generating uniqueness.
Sentimentality aged
Like deja vu nostalgia;
relived fairy tales.
Painful happiness
where love and lost
blend prickled daydreams.
All brick red
With the signs of age;
churned firelight.
Author notes
First draft, always wanting critique. No intentional rhyme, only image flashes.
Written June 9th, 2005
A contest entry
- Color: Brick Red by Melissa Gayle.
300 points, ended June 10, 2005, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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There is a subtle rhyme though, without it being your intention. Together this piece reads like flashbacks, images scarred into your mind, if you were to read each stanza individually can lend itself to different persepectives, some of hope and some of darkness. It seems that there so many different perspectives and we can each walk away with our own idea. Wonderfuly job.
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Excellent!!
I love this write so much.. Each stanza throws the reader into a different perspective and world of wordplay and wonderment. Left alot of room for the imagination to wander, which fo me is the key to good writing. I don't want to be beaten over the head with facts every line, i want mystery that allows my imagination to touch on what is not said and this write satisfies that desire. Excellent!! -
Wow. This is very good. I love its flow. And I love how it's so...Intense. It brought forward a lot of memories and I can totally relate to this poem. I enjoyed reading this.
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very good i like this write it reminded me of alot of thngs that have happened in my past i truely think you might have a chance of placing!
~morgan~
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