It's cold in the mornings, mostly
even in California valleys
Having never known my mother;
my father would take me to work -
- with him, and I watched a young
man smooth walls, break walls, build walls
to the clamor of rougher men, and
the smell of thick coffee
Now I'm a father,
and there are more words to describe -
- it too, the way it was, and is...
But the sun is never brighter
than between a man's work
and the construction of tomorrow
Too proud to stop
Too old to know when
I'll remember the sound
Of what is and what's been
Father, like a shell to my ear
Rough hand on my cheek
The past is now clear.
Author notes
Written June 7th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Our Father's by Apache143.
467 points, ended July 8, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
A well written piece of work and I wish you luck in the contest...Shaz
-
amazing piece
Sometimes you amaze me. This is brilliant. I agree, entering a teen ager's contest can be a big mistake. However, some of them are real gems, like Gone With Fergus. You just have to take your chances, like everything else in life. Anyway, this is a great write. -
This was beautifully written with a very keen perspective - nostalgia of the most serene kind. I would tell you what I got from this poem, but then again, you said it perfectly.
Fantastic.
Edited on Jul 25, 9:49 p.m. because 'I'm obsessive-compulsive that way...'. -
Once again your philosophical genius has been an inspiration and futhered me respect for you. This was a wonderful write, keep it up.
-
My dad is a carpenter..has been as long as I remember..all my life. Its hard to see him now going into his sixties..still working as hard as he did in his thirties. But that is what he does. I remember holding the nails..and hammering my fingers, and the bemused but sympathetic expression on his face. This brings back memories for me.
-
fodder
Edited on Jun 10, 3:52 p.m. because 'I don't waste time arguing with teenagers.'. -
Feel free to buy my book, it's a best seller.
Edited on Jun 10, 12:11 because ''. -
hmmm kinda reminded me jim croche's time in a bottle. damn u are good. Keep up the good work.
nico -
I like it. You have such a following that I am sure you end up hearing it all.
Anna
Edited on Jun 09, 10:24 because 'Becuase I can be an idiot.'. -
that's totally brilliant. It's a goddamn poem, screaming into a burgerking napkin, or a handful of wilted cabbge marinated in leaded gasoline or aqua velva. fuck, those were the days, being a kid, and even when the old man was kicking yer ass, at least we had something to look forward to, something to bitch about, you know? Now, you gotta be smart AND sober.
-
ya, diamond's is better-
this is why you don't enter a teenager's contest-
Edited on Jun 08, 3:44 p.m. because ''. -
What are you stupid?
You asked what I'd put in a bottle and I told you.
I suppose you're used to more cliche shit in a bottle correct?
Like perhaps a message, or a pez dispenser, FIOP -
Awesome.. I can't understand that she doesn't get.. that this is just what I'd be looking for.. to have a perfect sound like that in a bottle.. would warm a soul every day
Wonderfully rich my friend
~GILL~
psstttt... drop on by some of mine sometime soon
would be nice
-
beautiful poem but not quite what i was looking for good luck and thanks for entering
-
This part is amazing:
I'll remember the sound
Of what is, and what's been
Father, like a shell to my ear
Rough hand on my cheek
The past becomes clear.
Peace, and good luck!! Kelly -
awesome!~
I love this poem it is really deep and I enjoyed reading till the very end...You have some talent there! This poem is very unique and deep keep it up and I am so glad that I decided to stop by.....nice job -
Beautiful thoughts here.
This one has a lot of deeper meaning to it and yes it is also very profound too. I think that you came up with a powerful memory indeed to put in a bottle. I am glad that I clicked on this one and I must say it is indeed worthy of applause but I ran out. Hope to read it again. You did this one so well. -
I really relate to this, having grown up with my father, a good, solid, working man. There is a lot of love in this poem, a great write. ~Jessica~
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
8 old applause
