In thorny forests swallowed by the night,
I place my feet on crackling leaf-strewn tracks,
a lonely traveller who lost his sight;
the mountain cedars loom in darker blacks.
The trees that brush my shoulders say, "don't go",
the path obscured in darkness is denied.
The black in hollowed black appears to know
that night has seen me, now I cannot hide.
The clouds above are lost to secret ways,
in council with the sun, to me they're mute.
In shadow here, I'm hidden from the days,
which miss me not, a man of no repute.
In darkness, utter darkness, I commit
myself to inner night I must admit.
Author notes
This is a collaboration with Sau, he wrote a free-verse poem, and I wrote the sonnet using his ideas and some of his phrasing. Sau has posted his verse as a comment below.
This is a Shakespearean sonnet, ababcdcdefefgg.
Sau on Jun 08, 2005, 6:30
UNLOAD & SIMPLIFY! 551 critiques, 48 poems. said:
in thorny forests swallowed by night,
as I put my feet on the ground
autumn leaves crackle.
lonely traveller on a blind night,
as I sneak between the deodars,
branches resting on each other,
interrupt my shoulders.
deep in to this darkness
where black is hollowed in black
the visible night says
"you cannot hide"
the clouds are lost
in to some secret business
which they would not tell me.
the day is far
as it should be
so thay I may not be known.
but darkness, in to darkness confides
and night would not let me hide.
Written June 7th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Show Me Your Best Sonnet..... by poet2angels.
300 points, ended March 12, 2006, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
-
Thanks Risen Sun.
That is a good point, about the collaboration. I think for the copyright I have to post his poem in the author comment. Thanks for jogging my mind. 
-
Thank you joss.
-
This is very beautiful.The language used is simple and yet weave such a delicate picture.
-
Hi Melodies. The first few sonnets are hard to write, it's the iambic meter more than rhyming which is difficult to master. After a few tries, the rhythm gets into one's ear, and it becomes easier to choose the words to fit. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iamb
After writing as many lines of iambic pentameter as I have, iambic meter is almost automatic. Good for you for emulating Shakespeare, that is an excellent way to start. Other examples of great iambic meter are the works of Alexander Pope and John Milton. Keep writing!
-
Thank you Lyrics Guy, I'm glad you enjoyed this.
-
Thanks Poetry! I have to thank Sau as well for his imagery.
-
Thanks for your lovely comment, I'm happy you enjoyed my poem.
-
Thanks Wanda, it's a pleasure to see your comment!
I am honored that Sau trusted me with his verse to "sonnetize", so it is a great pleasure that it is well received.
-
You could have written it in collaboration. Anyways, beautiful write. Well done, Saurabh. And you too, Margaret. Well done!
-
Is it difficult to write a sonnet? I have had to do it for English classes and I ended up getting something by Shakespeare out and then fashioning a sonnet against his. I had no idea how to go about it and just tried to make it beat out the same. It turned out fine but it was a lot of work. I don't like to work that hard when I write. I think there's a lot of WORK going on at AP!
This sonnet is lovely and I wonder how hard it was to do it.
-
"In thorny forests swallowed by the night,
I place my feet on crackling leaf-strewn tracks,
a lonely traveller who lost his sight;
the mountain cedars loom in darker blacks."
Ahhh, MargaretG...lovely penning, my Friend...I know Sau, too...His verse is beautiful, as well...wonderful imagery in an incredible collaborative effort...well done, both of you...Be well, Poets... Wanda
-
The whole this is just great. Sonnets are one of my favorite types of poems to read in the first place and you wrote and extremely great one! I love they way you write:
"In thorny forests swallowed by the night,
I place my feet on crackling leaf-strewn tracks,
a lonely traveller who lost his sight;"
Just great!
Keep up the good work!
~That Lyrics Guy~ -
I love this write, it's wonderfully penned and the imagery is really vivid Josephine.
-
Thanks Lynda. Enjoy your contest!
-
Beautiful collab from you two!.....This is a beautiful creation!
Love the lines:
"The clouds above are lost to secret ways,
in council with the sun, to me they're mute.
In shadow here, I'm hidden from the days,
which miss me not, a man of no repute."
Simply lovely!...Lynda
-
Wow! As one who has had a lifelong love of deep forest--only two times lost there--and who can relive the peace and spritual beauty to be enjoyed walking in its solitude, (now only in memory) reading your dark sonnet was an entirely new experience. It was like turning a new page and finding a whole chapter there. I had never felt such darkness before.
Goes to show, there is always room for new learning.
Thank you for this.
Terry
-
Sau's work here is wonderful too. It is dark, deeply felt and intense. With metaphors he paints a picture of the inner struggles of the soul and mind. Sometimes the choice to rise up is not an instant one and takes much self reflection and work. To me this speaks of a difficult journey. It seems that we must meet these feelings head on to come through them. (That is my take on it.) Both pieces describe this turmoil with grace.
-
What a great combination! Sau has wonderful thoughts, even when they are little dark. This poem makes me think of a person seeking for themselves, in the darkness of their soul, many question may be answered, all they need is time
Kisses,
Mari
-
Dear Del, when we are in an emotional state, it is eternal as long as it lasts. I see Sau working through very well. He has posted his free-verse for comparison.
Thank you for your considerate comment, it is always a pleasure to see that you have read.
-
in thorny forests swallowed by night,
as I put my feet on the ground
autumn leaves crackle.
lonely traveller on a blind night,
as I sneak between the deodars,
branches resting on each other,
interrupt my shoulders.
deep in to this darkness
where black is hollowed in black
the visible night says
"you cannot hide"
the clouds are lost
in to some secret business
which they would not tell me.
the day is far
as it should be
so thay I may not be known.
but darkness, in to darkness confides
and night would not let me hide. -
Yes indeed, this is a deeper darkness than I am accustomed to in your mostly up-lifting sonnets, but I chalk it up to the free verse Sau presented. I see the rather morbid inner workings of a man who has low self esteem and seems resolved to remain in that state. I admit, my own vernacular made me read "traveller" three times before I got all three syllables working...(dang "down eastah" hanging on for dear life, eyah...lol.) Most enjoyable write and I hope Sau will venture this way in the metrical sense as well.
Cheers and s,
Del -
A bit on the dark side, which is surprising, but you still have a masterpiece. Excellent job from both of you! Hugs, Patricia
-
Thanks Susan. The metaphor of Sau's poem made great sense to me.
-
I have read this thru several times. It is dark, but not in the way so many are today. This is reminiscent of maybe Poe or someone like that. Succumbing to the environment but having a need to keep going deeper.
I liked this and as others send above the topic may be divergent from your usual, but the verse is wonderful and truly something that could only come from your pen.
I will have to tell Sau bravo on getting you thinking this direction.
Susan -
No hurry reading Foo Foo...I'm hoping it improves with age
-
Thanks Yem! I will often write my idea in free verse before I write a sonnet, so this was not that different. Sau's poem is darker than my usual, but it was interesting to take a walk in the wild woods.
I don't think I've read Foo Foo yet.
-
So unlike your usual style, being dark and brooding and I guess that is Sau's original poem. Sau seemed pleased by it and that is always nice. It must have been fun trying something different...I think you sometimes enjoy a challenge...Well my horrible drama "Foo Foo" still hasn't been poetized...you might want to give it a shot. I'd spot you the first two lines but I can't be that evil.
-
Dear Mary, I'm sorry you were disappointed in seeking Sau's free verse. Perhaps we can convince him to post it.
-
Dear Margaret,
Another impeccable sonnet from your versatile pen.
I am just so grateful to be able to read others' new poems again. I'm sure you can imagine how much I've missed them and especially yours. I have many to catch up. Applause.
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh. -
This is a magic combination! The sonnet flows as smooth as silk , phrases are intriguing. I am off to read Sau's free verse work that inspired this eloquent sonnet.
-
Thank you Sau, for trusting me with this project.
-
amazing
Dear Margaret,
This is fantastic. Some jumbled images were popping up in to my mind, and I have not been able to put them to words in my recent poems. You have done an amazing job with this. I am impressed by the way you have imbibed those images in to these verses, making a fine sonnet. This is an inspiring one for me, and tells me that images can be put on paper... I need to try a little harder, and maybe, wait a little longer!
Love and regards,
Sau.
Adding your comment:
1 - 32 of 32
9 old applause
