sharing tea
after a rain storm
drips fall from the leaves
no words are spoken
as hearts keep time
gentle touches
on florid cheeks
a welcome breeze
chimes from the eaves
herald moonrise
a kiss
a tear
our shadows part
I envy the sun
that sees more of you
each day dreams
of catching the night...so close
then she is gone
heart's vision remains clear
distance grows in silence
Author notes
First and subsequent 3-line verses by Busho ;
couplets by Maatkara.
1: Busho
2: Maatkara
3: Busho
4: Maatkara
5: Busho
6: Maatkara
7: Busho
8: Maatkara
For a description and explanation of a renga check this link:
www.ahapoetry.com/renga.htm#start
Written June 5th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Collaborators Falling In Free Verse Unite by naked roots.
300 points, ended September 25, 2006, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Congrats on your silver trophy here. This part right here was my favorite section in the collab..
" I envy the sun
that sees more of you "
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Indeed this is a very well written piece. Even without the form it would flow just as lovely. I wish you all the best in the contest...Trina
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Stunningly beautiful symplicity. Tea and the rain: "drips fall from the leaves" -- many drips and tears from Nature and Lovers to contemplate. "a welcome breeze", thank you.
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This is great, I loved the artistry conveyed in this dance of words between two talented poets. I also learned about the renga form, which I had never heard of before this (thank you for sharing the link for more information). Wonderful job done by both of you and thank you very much for entering our contest
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Joyous
I loved this renga so much that I would wish to do one with you one day. Succinct images interwoven and responding. Thank you.
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Awww, so touching and loving. Very very nice renga. I don't know the form really but would love to try it sometime.
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Thanks Ana..Glad you enjoyed this piece I think Gen covered it all but there was definetly no conspiracy it took too long to do for that
originally renga were done in Japan on the spot rather like like how today one rapper will follow on from another with impromtu lyrics
btw they used to do something similar in Scotland and Ireland called the contention of the bards where poets would try and outdo each other usually with satire or Aoir in Gaelic which is so much stronger than satire and was thought to be eventually fatal to the losing bard
of course renga is much more delicate than that
Col
Edited on Feb 09, 3:43 because ''. -
Thank you, Ana!
The most important thing is that it read well to you - that means it worked 
Yes, the 2nd poet follows the first one's opening hokku (haiku) with a 2-line verse that links subtley to the first; then Busho wrote the next haiku linked to my couplet - and so on. One just gets inspiration from the previous one for what to write next. There's a link in the author comments to a brief description of the form too.
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I love that this is a duet with Busho, whom I've come to appreciate on so many different levels. You both have a way of expressing your talent through all different forms of poetry, and that deserves applause to say the least.
I'll admit, I'm not overly familiar with the renga, so I'm not sure if my critique will be useful in the least, since what I might offer might very well damage the form. lol. And, honestly, the poem is so succinct and well-put, I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to offer anything critical at all. I'm assuming the renga is equiped with haiku followed by a couplet? lol. Am I showing my ignorance by that statement? Please forgive me. I promise to read up on the form soon (as I've made it a personal mission to write one poem for as many forms of poetry as I can find. When I hit the "R"s I'll have to do me a renga
)
....
Okay, having read over the poem again (and again for good measure
) I can see I'm already at a loss. I know that I like what I see, and I'm hoping that at this point you'll be happy with that, verses my more nit-picky comments I've been leaving here and there. The first five lines and last five lines are my favorites, which makes for a well-rounded poem, with strong verses at the beginning and the end. I almost expected one of you to be the author of both of those verses, and was pleasantly surprised to see that one wrote one and the other wrote one. lol. Or rather, jointly conspired on those verses All in all, this was refined, and very lovely.
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Thank you so much, Shancy! Busho did the most work in this, my couplets tied them together..I'm pleased with the results; glad you liked it too.
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This is exquisitely beautiful in both picture and poetry. Each one was lovely, in my opinion. This was so refreshing and a such a pleasure. Shancy.
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I simply adore this Gennelle! This is absolutely stunning. The words flow so smoothly and fit together as if they were created just for this purpose. You have done an awesome job here.
♥ Kimberly -
How long since you've last visited my page. your presence has been very much missed! This poem of yours is quite stunning! I adored every line immensely! Keep up teh great work! (I'm out of applauses and points.)
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what a great collaboration from two great poets. the couplets tie Colin's verses together so well. excellent renga!
bobby -
A lovely poem, no matter what the form. Says so much in so few words, so descriptive leaving me wanting more of this verse.
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This was beautifully put together and written, somewhat sad, but a great write. Your descriptions were vivid and very good. I really enjoyed this and thought it was written very well. The picture is very fitting for this. Thank you for sharing it.
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that's really cool, i dont quite understand renga, though...
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It is amazing that two poets cam create a poem that flows evenly, its like watching two dancers flow as one with amazing skill and keeping the melodious rhythm of the verbal beat.
As for the poem, call that bugger back for another cup! -
This read's like a sweet poem of love to me,I dont know much about Haiku,but I think most of them are short about three line's or five but like I said dont know much about it other then I like this one.good work keep penning .
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I will read up on renga! This was a beautiful poem! It is also sad....
Since I am not well informed on the renga form, I will check the site and leave my critiques in the back of my mind. If I find need in putting them in, then I will, if not...then you won't hear from me...LOL!
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Ah, you two have completed it. The initial promise is fulfilled; this is wistful, sad and serene as a drizzly day.
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very beautiful
I will definitly read up on this form of poetry since I love to learn new forms. But as for now, all I can comment on is how beautiful your words are. I love the name, and the picture and everything just fits together. Very nice work, and very cute background! Keep on with the beautiful words -
Well done, I felt a little space within this verse in the transitions, but, the lines were well shaped, so I can't put my finger on it...
However, I still think this is a success as a collaboration, and all my best to you! Collaborations are hard, and I have not found my way into one yet!
Peace, Kelly -
the flowness to this collaborated write is like nothing ive ever seen or read but in my opinion this tag team write is just somehing thing else keep up the fab work u two
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good
very well written ty for sharing..wanna have my tea now.. have a great day! -
Wow I just loved this great write
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this is great. i love your diction. i like the lines "I envy the sun/that sees more of you" and "each day dreams of catching the night" this is great and it is very original i know it took alot of thought. keep up the good work and comment on my work sometime.
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I was very pleased by this....it leaves the reader almost feeling airy. LOL Nce write.
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wow. that was an amazing write. awesome job, i enjoyed reading this beautufully written piece.
~dust~ -
This is beautiful - calm and serene ... warmed from the inside. My favorite:
"gentle touches
on florid cheeks
a welcome breeze"
Thanks for sharing! -
Well what you wrote is beautiful, and you both write in very nice synchronicity together
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Thanks Duana! But this is a collab with Colin (Busho), mine are only the couplets in between.. I'm still stuck on the two lines needed to finish it
~G
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This is absolutely beautiful- your poetry always speaks so beautifully in it's tone, making the reader feel so at ease. I have to remember: when I am having a bad day go read Maat's poetry, lol.
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Yeah, yeah, Col I'm just stuck on how..
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hi G let's get this one finished lol lol
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smiles quite spiritual in its simplicity
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This is very serene. I like the way you are playing off each other.
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wow... the coming of the moon really lights up the renga... I am waiting for what's in store...!
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This is so elegant ,i like it
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this keeps getting better...
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Brilliant... the hot sips in cool air have begun to have an effect... now let's have some more of it... maybe even a few biscuits or cookies along!
This was wonderful, and as other readers have also mentioned, the background is also great. I am looking forward to see this upon completion.
Love and regards,
Sau. -
So far so good! The page is lovely, and the first and second lines both are reflected in the third. So can you give us a note on what renga is?
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NICE background G
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Ya nut! We haven't started yet
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i was thinking .. Tea in The Sahara
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