My love, I find myself in a loss for words,
Entangled in a web of tongues and thoughts,
(Remembering our eyes crossing by fate)
Pondering long until the hours of late
Of adjectives and noun modifiers
That could possibly describe your perfect trait.
I plunge into languages foreign and near
To open a portal of linguistic bliss
And perchance recite a ballet of sweet lyrics
That would gracefully dance
From my tongue, to my lips,
And at last to spill and swirl and splash
Into the heart of your abyss....
I shall flatter those caramel feet;
How soft and delicate they are!
I detest the Earth you tread
(Lividly I wish it dead)
--My heart is rhythmic in jealous delight--
For how unfit it is to taste and squander
Each kiss your toes bestow in flight
Each morning, each noon-time, each night.
Or what about those silken tresses
That trickle down your ears and neck?
No matter where --in sea or air--
Each thread-like strand rejoices in dance
From noir bounds and ebony sways
To windblown leaps and pliers,
Twirls that entice and entrance
To those who try to steal a glance.
Now let me compliment your lips,
For how they deserve such adoration!
Each quiver makes my stomach leap,
My eyes to soften, my heart to weep;
Such sultry curls of painted temptation
--I dream of them each night I sleep--
I yearn to feel the warm sensation
Of pressed lips in celebration.
No, I believe it is your eyes
That pluck the strings within my heart.
Each blink of lashes whisks me away
Into a realm of great emprise
And forces soul never to stray;
(Remain entranced each glowing day)
Drunk in caramel inebriation
From your soft and smiling Velvet Eyes.
Author notes
Still in progress....
Written June 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
this is so beautiful you really have a generous gift with words
-
This is truly enthralling in its presentation, some of the language you use is so exquisite! Like butter this melts on the tongue when read. Just lovely.
-
beautifully written, such detail in describing what you can only translate into true love. such passion and the deepest feelings portrayed by your words, the emotion that jumps from the page is amazing. thanx so much for sharing, i really loved reading this.
-
wow
i really love your word choice it make something simple sound amasing and vivid your work really comes to life perfectly beautiful -
very nice job. it's a beautiful poem. it looks done, though it's still in progress. the title is catchy, that's what made me click it. well done.
keep writing and thanks for sharing.
DesertRose
-
This was great. Everything about this poem was great, but I have a question: why does the first stanza have six lines, the second seven, and all the rest have eight? Other than that, like I said before, this poem was great.
-
wow that is really beautiful, I love the opening stanze where you are talking about no words to describe thier perfect traits...I know kinda how this is..but for me it is describing the way I feel towards my guy...lol love does funny things like that...but they are wonderfu;...anyway really great poem!
-
Really good love poem Punked, can't wait to hear about her hands, and her touch, oooolala.
-
lovely poem, so many parts of it carried me away to my own memories. It is well written. Flows nicely and keeps the reader wanting more.
-
I really like this. I love the phrasing and the usage of the word caramel to depict the subjects skin tone. That is such a great work of vivid description. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Great write. - cgirl0410
-
Romantic piece
You were right, you are a romantic
Good use of internal rhyme here, it sounded lovely, the alliteration helped with this too, as did the sibilance Good use of brackets Keep writing, I liked the original imagery here- thanks for your critique of my poem
All the best
Pozo
-
awesome
This is a awesome poem and i hope when you decide to add to it whoever you are writing about i hope they will know how you feel about them.
~darkinocenceangel~
Isabella Purcell -
Squinting with delight!
Lovely write, I hate this backround because it makes it hard to read (unless the poem is centered) however it goes well with the poem, this poem is so physical it dances down the page! -
Love it! I dont know how much modifying you did to this but I find this to be absolutely beautiful. The reader can actually feel the adoration and awe. It is just beautifully written and well put together. Well done!
-
it was beautiful!
-
Wow, how sweet. I didn't see anything wrong with this, only a few quirky places. Great job so far, I can't wait to see the finished product!
-
hmmm... the new stanza is a bit sticky in places... but the word choices are nice.. but still.. a bit sticky.
-
you change it again? i like it. alot. dammit.
-
haha, I'm still not finished with it. I totally forgot about this poem.
-
very interesting piece... and if i am not mistaken you modified the hell out of it... which leaves me with the commentary that the title has only one very tiny mention of a notion that gets lost in the poem... so they have velvet eyes... i got so lost in the rest of them poem that i had to read it twice before i realized the connection to the title.... keep focusing on your idea of language and words, it works well and maybe subsume the idea of velvet eyes and actually put it into the poem rather than having it hang out on the top. good job though.. had me looking hard.
mark
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
5 old applause
