.
I am
The pseudonym
You wish you could become
Your favorite false identity
Who lives and breathes a separate life
To hide behind in shame because you
Made me
An image of yourself
In an ideal world where you were me
And you dress me in riches
And send me into the world
You sit and weep alone because you
Wear me
Like the mask I am
Hollow, paper-thin and painted
With the face you'd like to have
But cant afford
You waste so much on me because you
Need me
To cover your sins
In a cloak of false mystique
They see through like dirty glass
Without hiding their laughter
Now you've hidden me away because you
Hate me
And all I represent
You finally can see that I am nothing
But a paper mask to look at not to live
How you have wasted who you could have been
By trying to be me and now you
Burn me
Before a mirror, strike matches hard
And hold them to my petrol-doused chin
You watch the flames consume my lips and cheeks
The face which once had been your best disguise
And now they'll see the real you because you're
Scarred now
With deep red-white flame patterns
On your skin around your eyes that were
So brilliantly striking but now they're dulled
They looked through that mask
The only part
That
Was
You
.
Author notes
.
This is building on a cinquain I wrote about a mask :
I am
The pseudonym
You wish you could become
Your favorite false identity
Your mask
"I" am the persona she shows the world, the make-up and the exo-skeleton of smiles, designer clothes and body language which hide the feelings and compulsions of her real life. Finally she realises she is only fooling herself. She burns the "mask" and then they, and she, can see who she really is.
Is there anything left once the mask is off?
.
It took a lot of courage for me to remove my mask. Sometimes it has got to be done. And if it hurts, it's probably doing you good.
Written June 3rd, 2005
A contest entry
- Spill Ink by the chase.
300 points, ended July 5, 2006, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your Best Prewrite by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended February 25, 2007, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Another Anything At All Contest by Poetic Rage.
375 points, ended August 15, 2007, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Who are you, really? by look for tomorrow.
450 points, ended March 17, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
interesting form buildin a chain from a cinquain form, very expressive writing after a theme of masks and real/false identities... well done...PK
-
Masks
Sometimes we find ourselfs wearing a masking all the time and when the time comes to take it off we have nothing at all behind the mask but lies.......
As if we was hiding behind it the whole time....
Great Write...
-
Envy is a very disturbed state of mind... Very deep when you describe how they are you, become you, wear a mask that looks like you... They are you and yet only a tiny bit of the real self remains and that's through the fear and ultimately 'the end'.
-
This is great - unique, thought provoking and beautifully executed.
Just the sort of thing I love.
Nice one, good luck in the contest
-
I have a hard time with my masks. I can't tell where they stop and I begin.
-
i love this poem from beging to the end,it was amazing
-
Excellent poem! I really liked the way this work of art was set up! And the flow was brill! good luck!
-Crash -
This is excellent! I really love it and I love the way you set it up so the reader has a better idea of what should be emphasized. I love the progression in your "refrain": "made me...wear me...need me"(etc.)Well done!~Autum
-
excellent. I love that line "your favourite false identity"
-
That was great. I really liked it. The ending was my favorite part, and making it end in one word lines seemed to make it more effective to me than if you had just said it all in one line. Did that make any sense? Probably not. Oh well....great poem!
-
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, I'm glad you liked this poem, it's one of my favorites
Take care
*~Huntress~* -
This was excellent, Huntress. I love the restatement and the question, and using, particularly ending with, one word lines is very effective for bringing your point across. I would give a more thorough comment but I am out of time, and I apologize. I hope to read more of your work.
-
Thanks for reading and commenting, I think you're right. I wanted to make the link an immediate one saying redwhite as one word, going to change it to a hyphon instead. Red-white works a lot better. Thanks for attracting my attention to it, makes the piece a lot better!
*~Huntress~* -
I really liked it, save for one line...
"With deep red/white flame patterns"
That slash really seems to interrupt a rather magnificent flow that you've established throughout this piece. Otherwise, amazing job. -
Thanks for reading, this is one of my best
Glad you enjoyed!
*~Huntress~* -
This is a fantastic piece. I love the format, and I admire your linguistic skills.
This is a great poem.
Well done! Keep writing...
Ankita -
Thank you for reading, and for answering the question. So rarely does that happen!
Glad you enjoyed it, I'm not sure the woman in the poem did...
Polly -
soooo good
Just to answer your question:
Yeah there is, the real you.
This is a great poem.
I like it... no I love it.
-
ahh ok, the note explains a bit more now... it makes more sense as it puts it into context a bit.
still it is a fab poem <3 xxx -
wow.... such powerful imagery here, polly. it's quite scary.
I really like it in a dark kinda way
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
