And it crumbles and falls as it breaks it's own walls-
Of silence.
Puncturing through Empty,
It leaves with it's imprint intact,
And it's fist full of fury.
Feeding the blurry faces of the general grade-
Trying to comprehend stereotypes that bind them.
[I'll follow you- you follow me- Following does nothing if you're not capable to lead]
Did he not love you?
Or did he love you just to much?
Selling out to the highest bidder of injustice-
And self pity,
Looking for a little pick me up every now and then.
[Perhaps running away only puts you further against the wall]
Multi-colored facades blend in with the starch colors of servitude-
Distrust and loyalty become figments of someone else's imagination.
[You my friend- You're alot like them]
Isolated you yearn-
Falling apart at the seams you stumble to your corner of self-indulgence,
And fear-
Slowly realizing that it's not quite what you made of it.
It's turned it's back,
Betrayal becoming it's greatest asset-
And you're biggest fear.
I'll consume and shape-
[I'll live it up while falling from grace]
And a little voice whispers to push the boundaries that are no longer there.
Author notes
Written June 1st, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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WOW. this is so true to me, i know EXACTLY what you are saying in this piece... made me think that's for sure, woah; you're one smart cookie thats for sure girlie
miss ya drop me a line sometime...this stuff is A grade!
-peace love pixie dust -
Certainly this is emotional--certainly its also chaotic! And while chaotic may work well for this piece as a general, well, flow (I know its an oxymoron, but what else do I use?), if you don't have correct grammar, it just looks messy. There were a few little errors I noticed:
"Or did he love you just to much?"
should be 'too'
"...only puts you further against the wall]"
should be 'farther' I /think/. Depends on whether you meant something that can actually be measured physically or not.
"It is **farther** to the Sun than the Moon."
"Nothing could be **further** from the truth."
I'm not ezactly sure which one you meant--leave that up to you, since I've already been so pushy.
Just two other things (yes, I know, /only/ two!): 'alot' should always be 'a lot' (there's 'alloment', but no 'alot'), and all the it's in your last section should be /without/ apostrophes.
(And if it will make you feel any better, tell me to cram it and I'll give you sickly sweet comments instead and hopefully won't choke on them.)
Aside from those minor errors, I felt this was a very good piece. I won't pick out particular lines--I really hate it when people do that, sort of 'and the rest of them weren't good enough?' kind of irration thing. If it counts for anything, you have a lot of talent and I'm glad that you're using it. -
awesome
eloquent in a confusing and round about, but quite intrieging way(sry i cant spell)
i like the choice of having two voices in the poem, saying similer things in different ways. and i really like the last line. -
ELLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I sense anger, resentment, and fear in this piece. it's very well written and admitibly had me a bit confused when i read it (you poking me didn't help). lol, but read it again and loved it
-JeSsE-
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