Do you stare in wonder at the goldfish bowl
Watching all the little fishies troll
About in silly circles?
Surely you must often wonder why your cat
When seemingly unobserved always tries to get at
The little sweetie-pies?
Edna has the answer why and it's no surprise
When you see it written down before your very eyes:
They taste yummy nice.
So here's a recipe I know you'll surely love
Sent down to us from hungry old God above
So thanks dearie.
You cook some rice à la japonnais
And shape it into sushi heaps (NOTE 1),
One per fishie
You take your special goldfish net
(Did I mention you need one yet?)
And whip one out.
You pop the fish atop the rice lump
And then before the fish can jump
You eat it whole.
Feel that tingle as the fish goes down
And watch your children vomit (NOTE 2).
Yum yum yum.
NOTE 1: sorry about the poor rhyme there
NOTE 2: that didn't rhyme too well either
Author notes
Try my first recipe at www.allpoetry.com/poem/1279193 .
Written June 1st, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Memories of Animals - How they Live and Die by Judith Chandler.
525 points, ended January 13, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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Goldfish eating -- wasn't that a fad at universities years and years ago? This is really quite funny. At first, I didn't think it really fit in this contest but I've decided I really like it. I don't think the ryhme really matters.
Must check out the recipes! Thanks for your entry. -
this was cute. It didn't have to rhyme. I think you did a great job and thanks for entering.
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I was just wondering what culinary delight to cook for dinner and I came across this. Funny, funny, funny. I wish you could come around for dinner. No one would eat for laughing, or are you one of those who are only funny on paper and in real life you are a grumpy old bastard??
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EWWWWW... Live goldfish??
this reminded me of the time(when I actually went to church before I realized what i was ) when the pastor got on the roof and swallowed one whole.. I almost puked. Yea not into fish.. but into this write.. it made me gag a little.. but the humor was great.. and I love your little notes 
Love
~Krys~
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Let me get this straight: the vicar climbed up onto the roof a church and ate a fish whole? Perhaps it was the Piece of Cod which passeth all understanding.
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Beautiful.. every line perfectly written..a standing ovation. This is a beautiful work of poetry. The rythm and scheme is very inviting and lovely.
Flows so well, and sends a distinct message.Most creative and thought provoking.... another beautiful piece my friend! Be blessed and thanks for sharing your incredible talent!
Don't put down that pen! I love this so much. Keep up the killer work, take care and good luck.
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Bloody Hilarious
Well I have to say i think this is the cleanest poem I have seen from you Edna... and still you make me laugh!!
Love the recipe.. was wondering what to cook for tea..
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LOL!!! i couldnt help but look at my fish above my desk reading this LOL that was hilarious. "one per fishie" heh. nice. thanks for that
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this was quite cute and humorous, good luck in my contest, and thanks for entering, however, i would hate to have to disqualify u, there are 3 VERY important rules you didn't follow, so if you could go back and reread that would be great, once again good luck and thanks for entering
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Thank you so much for your incredibly intellectual comment - things like that make my day.
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Ohh...kay...
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oh damn, how did you come up with this? very strange. i love it. luck
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nice poem. Very funny. Good Luck
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Swallowing a fish whole is nothing special. Provided it's a small fish of course. The interesting bit is when the fish is still alive as it goes down and you later feel it swimming around in your tummy and then when it starts on the journey down your colon.....................And when it reaches the end of its journey, WOW!
Edited on Jul 06, 11:38 because ''. -
yay in my pants!
This is silly i like it though....I have always wondered what it would feel like to swallow a fishy whole though.... -
Blegth! I can just imagine eating that too...ew. Funny poem though! I never would have thought of writing a poem like that...I enjoyed it alot! I think I'll have bad dreams tonight though...
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Yes... just what I always wanted... the recipe for some good goldfish eatin. Haha! I loved this one. The line about the tingly feeling fishes give going down made me a little queasy... which is impressive. You actually affected my physical body with your write! Thank you for an excellent second entry to my contest!
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Hilarious! And it sounds so much more elegant than the movie-style grab-n-gulp LOL. Good luck in the contest!
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weird but kool good luck
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nice... i always wondered how does one cook those little fuckers... now i know... thanks for the heads up doll
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Oh shit! Now this made me laugh! Finally a girl with a god damn sense of humor on here. You all are fucking depressed as hell. But this is funny!
Surely you must often wonder why your cat
When seemingly unobserved always tries to get at
The little fuckers?
Yeah! Now this is what I'm talking about! -
A splendid write, and I particularly like the apologies for bad rhyme.
being a huge fan of the Cookery Channel on TV, I was sure I would have come across this before but, no, this is unique.
have you thought of opening a Japanese restaurant and charging humungous amounts of money for you to prepare these at table?
R. -
Tottally weird man. But really histerical at the same time. Yea those gold fishies can really taste yummy in your tummy. Real treat. hahaha. Yea watch out for the cat it might beat you to your treat. They are quick. I have a cat I know how quick they can be. Real cute rhyme. So your not perfect. Still good fun to read.
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hm. You should try prose! thanks for entering it was great
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LOL.. that was way cute!!!! good skills here.. i love reading this.. i read it outloud and it made me laugh a thousand times over... keep up the good work and imagination
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EEEWWWW this is so gross. I don't really like goldfish either but EEEW. quite a write. Good luck in this thing.
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Dear k-dense: I've got the joke about your pen name. But I am worried about your piscine fetish. I would like to eat your friend's piranha.
Edited on Jun 02, 9:02 because 'remove "jot"'. -
The picture you have on the left interestingly enough pertains to your poem in more ways than one. the fish on the right is a Queen Triggerfish, and the fish on the left is a Porkfish, so named because of the taste of its meet. As for eating goldfish, many sideshow acts have been known to swallow them whole, and many pet store attendees buy them simply as food for their other pets, including my friend who uses them as feed for his pet pirahna.-Curtis Meyer
PS Please feel free to read any/all poetry posted on this site by k-dense (myself) -
You are right: it certainly is very werid. It's just about the weridest thing ever. But I'll file it under weird instead which is even werider.
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Very interesting
This is a different kind of write. I don't think it really matters if it flowed well or not because I laughed my ass off while I was reading it. I do think that it should be under the category "werid" though because this was a werid peom. Very unique and that's a good thing.
Keep up the good work,
Casey
Blessed Be -
Dear Madam,
I am getting most worried about you, you seemed to have flipped, watching too many goldfish, may I suggest a holiday on some tropical island ,I am sure you will think up some new thinks to cook, you slaughter me, Think I need that holiday. hugs Di -
I think I deserve an applaud for being a freak. Watch out for my new recipes.
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Edna you are a certified freak. I love your warped sense of humour.
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lmao. funniest thing ive read all day!
keep up the great work. very amusing!
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Why wouldn't you eat a carp (apart from the fact that they are a bit tasteless and bland, judging from the ones I've tried)?
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It was a serious poem about a seriously tasty fish
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Hey, distinctive style of rhming and story-telling. Very original concept. Starting the poem with a question like that is tactically spot-on because it's eye-catching, and because of the human nature aspect of the question, it keeps the interest of the readers going. But I don't want to critique this too...seriously.
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Hehehe, that was quite enjoyable, the flow was very good... what a way to start my day, thanks for the smile, all the best poet friend, Annie
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That doesn't really matter... It flowed well and it was funny. Even funnier than "How to eat fried worms" even though Goldfish are basically carp, most none of us would never consider eating them, and we probably would choose eating worms over that. I certainly would. I can relate to the cat thing... my cats stare and chase at the fish in their tanks all day long... (I don't like them - I think fish are icky and slimy)... ah... a pitiful rant.
Good work, and keep writing, Miji -
this is really good
hehe
well done
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