Milky ivory
adorns her black skin
Nature's demise
Author notes
Haiku/Senryu using less than the proscribed 17 syllables.
Written May 30th, 2005
A contest entry
- Color: Ivory by Melissa Gayle.
300 points, ended June 1, 2005, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I really loved this poem, very well done. It took me two times through to get it, but when I did it hit me hard.
-butterfly -
It is food for thought, the first read through I got a different impression then the second. Wonderfully done, there is a deeper message here.
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This really says a lot.Nice job for capturing how much it says in not really saying a whole lot.
*Rose -
A very thought provoking Haiku/Senryu you have produced as evidenced by the comments you have received.Good luck in the contest.
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Hi, was a little perplexed on natures demise? you said a lot in just a few words, food for thought, a good write, all the best in the comp, hugs Di
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i thought a haiku is 5, 7, 5... which has doubtlessly been pointed out to you, so i'm sorry to be a pain in the ass.
however, apart from such superficial technicalities, i absolutely love this poem. it's quite beautiful.
- cypress -
I really enjoyed this. It is quite a unique haiku and it really makes you think about what you say in those 17 syllables. GReat job.
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Being an animal advocate I took this in literal terms...having to do with the horrendous slaughters for ivory. I am not sure, though, how the middle line plays into that. And I could be way off on meaning anyway. As for form, I have heard many takes on the haiku syllable count and came to the same conclusion as you state here, it may be 17 or less. I see you have gotten many varying comments on that and I could well be wrong.
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This is a very beautiful and insightful haiku, well done!
Polly -
i read your poem... then i read all the comments and re-read the poem a few more times.
i can see everyone's interpretation in the words.
i've heard so many definitions of haiku i'd be much confused to write one myself
anyhoo... whatever interpretation one goes with the bottom line is you've used few words to say a whole, big lot
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This little piece had a big impact on me once I made the connection between the demand for ivory and the plight of the animals supplying it.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
I liked it...not sure if you meant for it to be a haiku or not, but nevertheless it was beautiful written... very powerful although my mind cannot seem to clutch at the exact meaning.
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I thought it was about prejudice...if so...then, I think you did a good job expressing the moronic thought pattern of a person who hates the idea of mixed couples. Such a sad world, eh? Anyway, this is what I thought you meant...and I thought that you did a great job expressing it...Peace, Kelly
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it struck me as something to do about race.i could be wrong.actually,this can mean a lot of things depending on who the reader is-society,environmental,personal etc.
no matter what,i still think it good. -
I'm having a little trouble putting it all together...But yea, you KNOW this isn't a haiku [rolls eyes]
I've read this 3 times. Still not fully grasping what you are trying to say, which is probably more profound than my feeble brain can handle today
I do get a sense of something, but I won't share it here as it would be controversial, and if I mention it the whole world will think it is written in stone.
You did do a good job at capturing SO much in SO little.
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Ah... okay.
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Haiku can be 17 syllables.... or shorter...........
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Oh, crap, my stupid observance. This isn't a haiku... there are only three syllables in the middle... there needs to be seven.
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Hm... good haiku... I must ask if my interpretation is correct? Are you saying "White snow on black earth is nature's death" in reference to winter? o.o I never interpret anything well. Well, even if others did agree with your words, I certainly enjoyed your poem and I think your wording is just fine... It's very fluid in my opinion, even though my opinion is worth little and my coments petty.
Good job, and I hope to see more work by you soon.
Keep writing, Miji -
I am not sure that I am understanding what it is that you are attempting to express. I do have my thoughts though and considering I clicked from the feature box, I did not want to leave and waste your points. A Haiku though is of seventeen syllables, I only counted twelve here. Good luck with the contest.
-Cadence- -
I do understand.
Short haiku and yet I think I know where you are coming from especially considering the trade in Africa so this one will be interesting and as I said before I am a stickler on the gemstones very much so, I may just observe this one to see how it goes. Especially in the context this is rendered in. -
nice work
I liked this piece, but I'm not sure it follows haiku format...? But regardless, good piece. It was short but the reader felt the theme. Good use of enjambment and capitalization. Nice work.
Emily xx
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