I’m a web of disbelief and inconsideration…
I’m a prison of anguish and tribulation.
I’m a hell with a distant love not exerted…
I’m the heaven that my deceitful God deserted.
I’m the depression I no longer ignore…
I’m the admiration that exists no more.
I’m the sadistic thoughts that hide…
I’m pain inescapably maintained deep inside.
I’m a murky world of clouds and obscurity…
I’m a runaway absent from comfort and security.
I’m oblivion of never-ending abandonment…
I’m a canvas of inexplicable torment.
I’m the stain on my personality…
I’m that barricade on absolute individuality.
I’m that whispering echo inside my head…
I’m the one who remains ceaselessly undead…
~Alex James Vigansky~
A contest entry
- Best Poem(s) You Have Ever Wrote by NickelleteXninja.
550 points, ended June 15, 2007, 140 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thanks For The Memories by broken-colours.
500 points, ended July 1, 2007, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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i love this. amazing rhyme scheme. very deep. good job
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The rhyming actually shocks me
Most poets tend to sound like they are forcing the rhyme onto the poem, very well done Alex... You did not force it.
Your vocabulary is amazing as well, and it all fits so perfect into what you are saying
Thanks for entering, I can't wait to read the next one
Oh wait one thing I didnt like too much is that each sentence starts with I'm haha it makes you sound like you love yourself- yet the poem says you don't
thanks again
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Very deep
Great rhyming - no annoying overused rhymes. Your vocabulary is excellent and some of the ideas in this are really interesting and original. I love "I'm the heaven that my deceitful God deserted", although I can't put my finger on why. The rhythm isn't perfect, but then it doesn't need to be and it's really easy to lose meaning by focusing too much on the number of syllables. Overall, a fantastic, meaningful piece!
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Whoa...this is sooo good, i think i can relate. Brilliant
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great
yeah i think i know what your sayin. I like the variety of words and the usage. Great write. Keep it up and thanks for entering my contest!
~Sami~ -
this is very good sorry its so short i'm trying to comment everyone
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Very Nice
I liked the words that you chose for this piece. They aren't what I like to call 'baby-words' which is nice to read once in a while.
I am not partial to rhyme what-so-ever. Other than that, I did like this poem. I like the use of 'I'm' at the beginning of every line because it gives the poem a sense of order.
Nicely written and thanks for the comment on my work. -
great!
wow..this is..wow..where do i start?
the rhyme scheme is..spectacular..yet again, your vocabulary is impecable..the emotion is dark and you describe a "waste" perfectly..although you use "I'm" at the beginning of every line, it goes very nicely with the poem.. keep up the great work! i can't wait to read more! -
Very well written
I don't know what waste is for me other than lack of gratitude. You see it so much, especially in the States where life is so easy.
I don't know what i think of ceaselessly undead... the word ceaselessly some how overpowers the undead. that should mean something I suppose. -
Absolutly astounded!
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Excellent
All I can say is...wow. I liked the rhyme scheme (for known reasons) and it was brief but not in the sense that you lose details that make it good. You try to define who you are by what you feel. I love your rhymes! They're not forced and they're not too simple either. It's not like tree be me see. The words themselves have a lot of meaning in them. You chose well. It's also good I think that you account for the good and bad in describing yourself. It's not like "I'm so horrible noone loves me" kind of poem. It's more than that. It talks about both sides of you which is good. Okay I'm rambling now so good luck and good job. -
brilliant
Wow i liked this poem alot! I can realte to this cos i know where ur coming from. I like the way u've written this, its brillant...keep up the good work!
~Aj~
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