Standing alone in the midst of these great plains,
Not seeing as it is, not feeling the great pain.
Standing here alone, aware of only what I feel,
Forgetting what is truth, forgetting what is real.
The thing I seek, the treasure that I want,
Is nothing but a dream, something that can not be caught.
I run fast, tearing through this place,
Till at last I lie here still, with tears on my face.
I ask myself why did I,
Lay aside the truth of God,
Turn away from the light?
I ask myself why did I,
Search for something that wasn't real,
Exchange the truth for a lie?
I listen to my breath running heavy and rolling slow,
Realizing the truth of where I am, I let my emotions go.
I feel I've betrayed a friend, whom to me was very dear,
A friend I cannot live without, a friend whom I wish were here.
Once again I'm tempted, and once again I fail.
Seeing the fulness of the lie, underneath the veil.
No longer sure, of what I should now do,
Give up on it all, give up on even You.
I don't think I can do it, I know I can't on my own,
With this separation from You, I feel all alone.
I ask myself why did I,
Lay aside the truth of God,
And embrace the falsest lie?
I ask myself why did I,
Fall where I've fallen so much before,
Lose again in this great war?
Author notes
......unfinished
Written May 29th, 2005
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Comments
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this is sad and poignant. I remember feeling like this last year, when I got depressed and decided to reject God, to live on my own without any beliefs as far as religion goes. It was like trying to prove something to myself, something that bounced against a wall inside me, and it was in Italy. Then I saw the magnificent frescoes of Giotto in Assissi and I realized that I had rejected the most beautiful thing in the world: life. Without God there is no life. I felt alone, as you write here:
"With this separation from You, I feel all alone."
Now I'm hopeful in God more than ever and I felt like your poem needed to end with a positive note about your return. But I then noticed that it is unfinished, as you say, so I'm hoping there will be more sometime? Falls like these teach us lessons and your poem seemed to start on that, but did not reach the conclusion.
Thanks for the read.
Melanie -
it makes me wonder what it's about. I miss reading your writes. I've always loved them. ^_^
-Rachel -
it's backwards on earth, in this dimension. it really is.
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nice
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