I may not be considered suave
Don't even know the color mauve
But always wear clean underwear
To fit my butt, not derriere.
I'll never be called debonair,
No Kelly-type or Fred Astaire.
The two-step and the do-si-do
The only dance steps that I know.
The mustard that I heap upon
My dog need not be Grey Poupon.
While uptown folks eat escargot
I say "Gimmee a dozen snails to go!"
I shake my head at tv ads
Promoting douche and maxi-pads
And Trump won't go to sleep and dream
Of having me there on his team.
I don't hold much with poetry
That some folks write in drivelry.
Just hand me Poe or Ogden Nash
And you can keep the balderdash.
I'm sure that some crazed cuisinart
Created what's called modern art.
I'd rather see a Rockwell sketch
Than anything those folks can etch.
I don't dress up in three-piece suits.
They don't go with my cowboy boots
And not much into fashion books
That tell me how I oughta look.
I love the smell of sassafras
And tip my hat when ladies pass
Salute the flag when it goes by
Like any patriotic guy.
So, if you need a John Paul Getty
Or cruisin' in a Lamborghetti
Down streets in the south of France
Baby, you ain't got a chance!
'Cause I'm a country boy, by birth.
My values are my only worth
But, if you like me as I am,
Then drop on by - we'll share some Spam!!!
Author notes
Written May 29th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
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Wonderful
I don't dress up in three-piece suits.
They don't go with my cowboy boots
I don't know, I think you might look rather spiffy in a 3 piece suit and cowboy boots! (I hope spiffy doesn't mean anything untoward over your way, here it means 'pretty good') Loved the laugh and I love spam!!, the spam you eat, not the spam you get on your computer
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Forget them city boys, my gal.
They're nothing more than flash.
They think that foreplay's nothing more
Than spreading out some cash.
They've never learned that country girls
Like substance more than show.
Why settle for a two-step
When your man can do-si-do?
I'll be your country man, my girl.
The hayride's set to go.
I'll bring the Jack - you bring the coke
We'll let the good times flow....
Wonderful to see you again, Lee!
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You know I love you Balladeer
But let's make one thing very clear,
I too, my friend, am countrified
Don’t like my chicken baked, but fried
I don't care if you're suave or not
I don't care if you own a yacht
Drink your beer from a mason jar
Drive some old truck and not a car
This country gal just loves your boots
Don’t care if you don’t wear no suits
Don’t care if you know how to dance
Or never go to southern France
Don’t need a coat of sable or mink
Or drink champagne that’s colored pink
No necklaces or diamond rings
No rubies, pearls or fancy things
I too love Ogden Nash and Poe
Don’t care ‘bout eatin’ escargot
‘Bout fancy words don’t give a dam
But I can’t abide that nasty Spam!
It doesn't matter that I've spent the last several years living in the city. I was born and raised in the country and country I'll always be. I got no problem with country boys like you, but them city gents sure do get on my nerves from time to time. This was another delightful write, my friend. I enjoyed it very much.
~ Lee Stone -
GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Once again you have given another great pick me up for all to share a allpoetry, I daydream of being in France like other countries such amazing history, buildings etc and as also you just know how to end with a amazing laugh
Love & Peace
~Pauline~ -
Michael - you really are the BEST Balladeer I know, and to quote my own Banjo - well this makes me go goosy all over. I adore that man's poetry.
for you
Von
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On the outer Barcoo where the churches are few
And men of religion are scanty,
On a road never cross'd 'cept by folks that are lost,
One Michael Magee had a shanty.
Von, I know for sure that your poem is pure
And that country lies deep in your soul.
The outback is harsh with it desert and marsh
But the people have one single goal.
They believe in their God as they toil the sod
They love life and all men - this I know.
They toast Fosters to all with a pride that don't fall
Banjo's poetry tells me it's so.
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I had to make this short retort
congratulations to you sport
on confessin' of your country ways
of sassafrass and country days.
~~
Here in Oz we can empathise
with country girls, and country boys
who ride the Rodeo every year
and salute our flag with a single tear
rolling down their cheeks so brown
on Australia Day in their local town.
We say G'day to your Howdy,
we eat meat pies with thick gravy
we drink our beer straight from the can
and try to help our fellow man.
Not much difference between us two
just a few thousand miles or so,
Our countries are both far and wide,
but Yes dear Mike we are countryfied.
You always have this efffect on me Mike I love your countrified ways.
~Von~
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klassy...a country girl can make a man's mouth water in a lot of ways!! Got any red-eye gravy over there?
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So suave is not your style? But you are sure cute! And from what I have read, this is sweet and funny--heart warming as biscuits and gravy on a cold morning. (Not that you see too many cold mornings in FL.) Like Mark, I also loved the "cuisinart" line. I have a feeling there are a lot of men out there who would love to trade their three piece suits for jeans and boots. And the women like 'em, too. It's pretty hard to beat country cooking--don't think a one of those cooks have to rely on snails or fish eggs to make a man's mouth water. They might even be able to do something with that 'spam'! LOL
Edited on May 31, 11:20 p.m. because ''. -
Having a poet respond to a poem in verse is always a great compliment....thank you, Tammy! and, yes, I had you pegged as a true country gal from the start......my kinda woman!
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cute and very well written
I love the way
You talk about you
The words you say
Makes me smile too
I love the that you
Are who you are
But kinda already knew
Your were a unique star
You always brighten up my day
With your lovely and funny poetry
I will be your bud all the way
I am so happy to meet you on AP
So pen on my dearest friend
Know I will always read you
For my friendship will never end
I just wanted to let you know
I really liked this poem, excellent job as normal..
Thanks for sharing your wonderful words, and thanks for writing about you...letting us get to know you a little better. And the whole thing about you being a country boy by heart...Hell Yeah...this Lil Kentucky gal is country to the bone, and proud of it...
Much Love my friend,
Tammy
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Thank you, Lori! Yep, like they say, you can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy! Glad it gave you a smile.....
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Thanks, Mark, and by all means check out Nash. He's the greatest selling poet in the country's history, shunned by "the elite" as Rockwell was on the artsy side for being too "pedestrian". He loved to play with words and create new ones, probably best known for his poem, The Pelican.
Pity the poor pelican.
His beak holds more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week
But i'm darned if I know how the hell he can.
He's written a lot of rhymes of pure genius. You'll like him, I'm sure
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Awesome poem... certainly a country boy at heart... Well written and thanks for a laugh on a not so get Monday. Keep penning my friend...
Lori
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Darn Tootin'!
I was right with ya till the Spam part. lol Other that that, we could be brothers. But I already knew that. The world needs more Balladeers. What a paradise it would be. Loved the "Cuisinart" line, and the cartoon is a crack-up. I haven't really discovered Ogden Nash yet. I'm putting it on the to-do list today. Great write, as always.
Mark -
No, my brain isn't smart enough to think about more than one thing at a time...LOL! Thank you so very much for enjoying it !
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That is Brilliant one! .So cute and such wonderful rhyming .Hats off to make it sound so very easy to write but i know how it is .You must be a natural one!I loved the crispness of your topic and you wrote so much about the same thought without wavering to other things .Its so hard to control images and keep them focused in one strain of thought ,i mean there were no distractions just one thought and wonderful words.Really nice!
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Thank you for the thumbs, Tennessee miss! Best to you!
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Excellent ... the world needs more humor!!
Charming, Captivating, the flow is excellent beautifully done and might I ad a Nashvill prototype ready... really ready as a song-write ... you go darlin' the world needs your humor "Thankee from Tennessee Wishing you and yours much success in all of your endeavors!! Two thumbs up!!
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Thank you, punkin' and best of luck to you!
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This is a really great poem. Very funny also. I really like it. Great job keep up the good work!
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I am DEFINATLY bookmarking this poem! It was hilarious Who doesn't love a good ole' country bow? If they're a cowboy..even better
This poem would have to bring a smile to anyones face. I was incredibly impressed..good job!! GOOD RHYMING! Oh! Annnnd, good flow -
Spam yuck??? You may have to turn in your Monty Python button!! Thanks for enjoying...
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Great poem Crooner,
Great rhythm and rhyme - and funny to boot.
Spam - yuk!
Am adding you to my favs.
Regards,
Robin. -
Thank you, li'l Tennessee gal!
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Appreciated
Cool this made me proud to be a redneck!!!!!!!!!!! -
Nah, that pic is my brother. He's the handsome one of the family! I'll put my boots under your bed as long as I don't have to stay in them!!!
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Thank you, Magic one....and PLEASE keep in touch, ok?????
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country all the way!!! Thanks, Joanna
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LOL....I love it...very funny....Keep on writing and stay country....
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I like this county piece, tis nice. I reckon anybody reedin' it might like it too. I giggled through the whole poem, and right about now, I really needed that. Thanks!
Cheryl
Cheers!!
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Thank you, miss! I certainly appreciate your kind words and I wish you the best in life! *
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Miss, if you're from Missouri you ain't a city girl even if you live in one!! Born and raised just outside of St. Louis myself...thanks for enjoying
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Wow this is an amazing poem. It definitely made me laugh. You are extremely talented in that you can bring humor into your poetry. Most people write about dark, sad, depressing things. This is truly a work of art. I simply admire you. You are an amazing poet and individual. I can't wait to read some of your other pieces.
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Thank you, Ann....do you like Spam?? Monty Python recommends it!!
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Well I'm definately a city girl, but I do like vacationing in the countryside. Cute poem. Loved the bouncing hillbilly!
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Now, thars a gawl darned good piece o' poetry thar, its jes' mighty fine, yesireebob. I reckon you jes' about got it right, and I'm awonderin' if thats a self-portrit up thar? You look pretty good in them duds, mister.
lolol Mike, you are such a prize, any country gal would be proud for you to put your boots under her bed!!! Great write!
becky
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...and thank you for enjoying this little piece of cornpone
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They certainly do, Lace!! (be by around midnight to get you in my pickup truck with the gun rack and my dog in back)
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I thought this was one of those Blue Collar TV skits...It's that timely, funny, and well true. Thanks for sharing!
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Ah I see a real countryboy here.
full of giggles and wit,
Thanks for he smiles my friend.
Ann. -
Hey, touch! People don't talk white lightnin'...they just enjoy it! (besides, it's still illegal)
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Very well done and I applaud
We are in the same contest but I had to say that I liked your version better than mine and this one just said it all about being countrified. -
LMAO. I love it! Can't wrong with them country boys. They be the ones that know how totreat us ladies. This is a cute and funny piece Mr.Balladeer. I love the picture. Its so adorable. Nicely penned.
Midnight Lace
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I sooo want to be able to say I have no idea what the hay you are talking about but being a born ridge runner, I'd be lying outta my bunny! This is just too cute. I saw no mention of white lightning though. Hmmm... You had me laughing all the way through. Silly ol' country bumpkin!
♥ Kimberly -
Thank you, fellow show-me stater!!!
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this is so amusing! It's really got a neice rhytem to it. Very nicely put.
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With a name like country cousin you MUST relate!! Glad you enjoyed...
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A dandy write.
Well I must say that this is rib tickling and no the Donald would not want me on his team because I would fire him. There is a lot to being countrified and I am the Country Cousin and I sure do relate to this. I like this is so cool. A fine and dandy way to stick up for us folks out in the country. -
N.C......all my life
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I always knew you were my kinda girl!!
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Spam, grits, fried taters, macaroni and maters and bologna sandwiches You are talking to a southern girl here...born and raised just the way you wrote in this here purty poem. Very cute Balladeer! Very cute!!
~Lyrical
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