Death, came for the fox,
and it was red at sunset
Swear you not
The river, full, and pissed
Sang to the timber and canyon walls
And I heard all of this from
My stride, through the middle of manhood
I saw gold, silver, and circumstance
dark greenish grey rapids and bridges
Ropes that straddled the river
Support, I know not, but maybe for the jump,
And I did, for justice, leap off the pass to nowhere
Strapped to rubber bands and nylon,
almost littering in this holy place
And you say 'Speak of poetry'?
When I swan dive at boulders?
Though safe, one day that tether might
Just snap, giving me to the gorge
Yeah, I hope so
I will not touch the poison oak
I will not shriek back at the hawk
Or blow kisses at the daydream
As if maybe, I can really run away
from it all, and 'that'.
When, like 'that', topples the fox from above
Upon the path in front of me
(Chased by coyote)
Shattered legs, and bleeding from both ears
It sort of squirms away and...
Off of another cliff...
Wedging itself between two rocks
by the water to die.
Staring for a minute
I conclude.
'A hundred and twenty more of those, and
we'll be on our way to fur heaven -
- Death is a beautiful coat,
we all get to wear'
Author notes
Death
Written May 29th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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You have all lost me with the white flag, red flag stuff, but I could enjoy the write - so many different things found in this, how bungi jumping relates to a red fox jumping off a cliff are alsociated, I know not. What stands for what - I'm puzzled.
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It doesn't surprise me, that this piece passed through the 'white flag/red flag' Survivor contest that's, I'm pretty sure, still carrying on. You choose a crisp style to write in, with stark obvious imagery, when describing yourself, and the place you were currently at, more like a story then a pure 'poetic' poem.
I found it all, to be rather sad, the fox's fate so very defined in finality. Fate has clipped it's strings with a harsh jagged cut... and no patience. But truly, even they are more compassionate, then you were in this line ~~A hundred and twenty more of those, and
we'll be on our way to fur heaven -~~
Which I found to be incredibly cold.
You choose a hard viscious image, a struggle ~~Death, came for the fox,~~, to begin this piece. Which, I think is effective in drawing readers in, though sad. This piece carries within it, crypic messages of something that is going through your mind, that you never really state. Or clearly, have any intention of clarifying, but going so far as to say that your trying to escape "that". Ah, but poet... What is "that"? That's what I want to know... -
There can be only ONE...
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yep
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Well, even if my own further passage in this competition is in doubt, lol, or at least subject to an "overtime" of sorts, it is a delight to see so many of my other favorites make the grade. I am delighted to see you received three whites -- and richly so, Horus. This poem took the metaphors of suicide, or at least self-destruction -- and bungee jumping and played with them to great effect, using an animistic context to breath life into the greater concepts. This was the first entry in this round, and it was nothing short of excellent. I commend you for the richly deserved reward of continuing in the context; and even moreso for having produced a marvelous poem that stands on its own regardless of the circumstances that led to its production.
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Are you in this competition
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why, that IS a fetching headdress you're wearing. I'll play you 2 out of three, marbles, for the spleen.
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white flag
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white flag
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white flag
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A strong write -
Mary -
Saying that the river was "pissed" is perfect, it gives the whole poem this drunk, swaggering wobblyness. I think it made me need to go for a wee in fact. Goodness me. The poem feels like some boozey adventure story with all the things to climb, and the rapids and boulders and stuff, or a video game or something, but one of those scratchy ones like Sonic the Hedgehog or Donkey Kong or when Super Mario was new and not all flashy and full of himself. Just one of the really hypnotic ones where all the colours and landscapes shove you in a trance. I don't know anyway. Have you seen the episode of The Simpsons when Homer eats the dead hot chili pepper and has a trip and meets this red fox at the top of a weird mountain and the fox had a really posh voice? It reminded me of that I think. I don't like chasing it scares the fuck out of me.
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Glad you're back.
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Well I say this;
You always manage to give us something to smile at or ponder in the end.
This is wonderful horus! The very first line of this free verse is vivid, and the imagery thoughout carries its weight in words, and nuances. I wish I could wear a fox fur, I am allergic!
So, it doesn't matter how many die, they are of no use to me. I'll be wearing wool, and looking at other wommen in their fox furs with envy! Great job! Your use of "death" is not morbid, unless you are an advocate for animal rights, although my heart goes out to the little fox families. I always enjoy your works. The best to you in the challenge.
Renee ♥
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I doubt that.
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There is a lot of visual imagery that I found well created and able to put me in the position of watching this as it occurred
Good luck in the contest
Shari
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It was great until the second stanza, but from then on it was just good. I guess you didn't like the restriction of this subject much. Barbie. Xx
Edited on May 30, 4:02 p.m. because ''. -
I always figured bungee jumpers were really chickenshit suicides.
Since we may be competing (if I can wrap my head around the subject) I will not suggest that you might scrap the comma after "death" in the first line, and the "of" in "Off of another cliff". Nope.
Good poem, Horus, impressive.
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thank you.
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Amazing.
Wow, this wasn't half bad. I read the title and thought, Whoa! This might get you to the third round of Survivor Island, I hope so anyways. Now for the rest...
For the most part, I found the metaphor in this poem straight forward and upfront. You didn't mask what you were trying to say by riddles or misguiding the reader. You presented your opinion on the pure hypocrisy of mankind very nicely. Who are we to take from nature just to please ourselves? The suicide reference in the second stanza is very well portrayed. Everybody thinks that people who commit suicide just do it on a whim, never thinking about themselves or anyone else. When in truth, they are typically pushed and pushed for long periods of time until finally the "tether" snaps and they cross over onto the other side. Nobody realizes that their ignorance, not necessarily the suicidal person's insanity, is what probably pushed them over the edge.
I also really liked the closure you had on this. Comparing suicidal craziness to nature's inevitable destruction by man kind. Perhaps in the end, "All that is great in this world, truly is lost."
~The Sleepless One~
P.S.
Good luck in the contest. This was another great entry that I've read so far. I hope you make it. -
Oh, you never cease to amaze me:
"The river, full, and pissed
Sang to the timber and canyon walls
And I heard all of this from
My stride, through the middle of manhood"
I see, hear, feel and taste the smell of power in this poem!
This is another example of why you are on my favorite's list! -
Great imagery. Fantastic metaphor. The conclusion brings all of this home - though I thought "fur heaven" was a bit awkward, still it was consistant with the closing stanza and overall metaphor.
Really a creative and strong write in its structure and intent. A very likeable sort of piece.
Kim -
Sometimes you soar and this time you've accomplished that.
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Stop jumping off of bridges. I'm deathly afraid of high places.But you speak of an antisipated end to it all, by accident of course, so well.Amazing talent!~~~Suseann
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This is so well done. The imagery is absolutely amazing. I felt I was almost there, traveling every time, over the bridge with you, cold wind on my face, gorge blurring by. Free. This poem is great!
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Awesome!!
Excellent work brilliant imagery... "When, like 'that', topples the fox from above
Upon the path in front of me
(Chased by coyote)
Shattered legs, and bleeding from both ears
It sort of squirms away and..." Brava!! Wishing you and yours much success in all of your endeavors Two thumbs up!!
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Beautiful
I will not touch the poison oak
I will not shriek back at the hawk
Or blow kisses at the daydream
As if maybe, I can really run away
Beautiful. I really got a sense of self in this poem. Great write and great images.
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