"The race is on"
The clock yells out.
Time to fill the coffer.
You must dig fast,
to get ahead
('cause cheater's never prosper).
Start digging, boy-
Your holes too squat!
How can you be happy?
All your pals
Are in so deep
Now hurry, make it snappy!
The mall, The car,
The nice big house
You’ve got to have your things
Is it worth
The sacrifice
and suffering it brings?
Designer clothes
And shiny bling
New wheels for your ride
You say that these
Fulfill you
Yet your empty deep inside
"Progress,
in the name of more"
It's drilled into your head.
When the day concludes
Crawl from your hole
And scurry back to bed.
It’s madness fool
Day after day
To fall into your pit
Wholly proud
You know the trick
To climb back out of it
You’ve forgotten
How it used to be
Before you were unbalanced
You’ll need to re-learn
How to see
That’s your final challenge
(please read the Author Comments below for some insight on this poem)
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Author notes
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This poem stems from the philosophy that cizilization is a mistake and that we, as a species, are completely out of balance with the other species that we share our planet with. We have in effect become worker drones that destroy most everything we contact, incuding, eventually, ourselves. If evolution is the ultimate test of a species over time, how will we fare?
My idea for this was to use a different perspective of looking in at ourselves. Perhaps, if trees could talk, this is what they would say to us. Or fish. Or an alien visiting from another planet.
There is a parable about a frog that goes like this-
"They say that if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water,
it will leap out right away to escape the danger.
But, if you put a frog in a kettle that is filled with water that is cool and pleasant, and then you gradually heat the kettle until it starts boiling, the frog will not become aware of the threat until it is too late. He will sit there until he dies."
I feel that we, as humans, are in the same predicament. The water is warming up all around us, but, it is happenning so slowly that we are unaware of it. Has it reached the boiling point? Is it alreay to late for us?
Wanna see something a bit / lighter /? See my poem Her Voice
Written May 28th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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wonderful write, It's got very good words and wonderful imagery in it. Humans don't realize the mistakes they make, and they slowly destroy things, not realizing how much they have destroyed until it is gone completly. Wonderful poem, thank you for sharing it.
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Wow that's really cool. Awesome idea and it's just fun to read because the rhythem and rhyme are so perfect.. just one little thing though.. "Yet your empty deep inside" Maybe "your" should be "you're"? I dunno though, I'm probably wrong.
Edited on Jun 04, 9:19 because 'typo'. -
Very well written, carrying great depth here. It makes the mind delve into the swirls of life. A great piece! Blessings, Gypsy
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well done...there is a lot in this piece to ponder...and i enjoyed the effort you put into this one. I don't usually like poems on these types of topics...but today, i liked
UB
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good
I agree so much with this. Humanity and society have taken a huge steep decline in my book. Very rarely are you going to find a good person out there that is smart, funny, and not shallow. An example of humanity and societys stupidity is how popular Wal-mart is. But back to the poem. This is a good poem. I really like the idea, I can tell you really had emotion about this. I liked the idea about how we are all drones. It's very true. Good job! -
Ok Im just going to do two different opinions.
(1) Your poem to me doesnt have very much flow which turns some readers away from it for the pure fact that its more or less in story type. It has a great message but maybe a little more flow and or rythmn would do it alot of good.
(2) I agree totally with Saknika. It is true that the human race is destryoing it. and I know that each and everyone of us is egotistical because you have to admit that someone thinks they are better at something than someone else is which is not only egotistical but it is also condesending of us as the human race. Which makes you think. How is it that reptiles are the only "true" animal that are still alive from the prehistoric era? I do not know maybe its a question that only science and its egotistical scientist will answer
Other than that...great write and god bless
Ray -
Wow. I was completely impressed by this write. I think sometimes it's extremely important to step back and take a good hard look at what society has become, and its impact on the world. There were a few very clever rhyme schemes in this particular piece, and most of the mechanics were done to a tee. Great work, and the best of luck to you in the contest, dear
~Smidge~
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Beautiful write, absolutely gorgeous! I completely agree, we are going to destroy ourselves before much longer. Actually though, I believe that, just like in the book Pigmalion, we have removed ourselves from evolution because we are so egotistical. So humanity will be gone before long. I also believe that since we are so destructive to Mother Earth, she will remove us personally to protect herself. Like you expressed, we're ignorant of what we're doing because we've been brainwashed into believing we have to work. Honestly, who decided that gold was so valuable, who decided it was payment, why must each dollar be worth so much gold, and so on. We're just living a delusion really. Great poem, good luck in the contest!
~Saknika -
very cool, well said. you're right, we are a troublesome, immature species, but although we cause much damage to our world and the other creatures that live here, we've come quite a long way, and we've developed a lot of really amazing things. i agree with you, but i think there's definitely a balance when it comes to our people. there's good and bad things about everything, but since we are such an influential species, either side of the balance is very extreme. we just need to learn how to do as little of the bad as possible, and stay in harmony with all life around us. anyway, enough rambling from me, hahaha. you've written a great poem here. thanks for sharin, peace
-0m. -
Wow, you thought way out of that tiny little box on this! Fantastic way to get your point across and this was a very intresting and informative read. I liked what you put in your author comments to about the frog. Once again, you did an excellent job on this and I'm glad I got the chance to read your piece! I think I can spare 7 points to give you some applause....
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Hm... you sure bring out the matericalistic, superficial side of humans... Wait, I don't believe there is any other side than this... we over populate the world, depleting resources, crowding the land, destroying the rest of the species... and we don't really see this as a problem. All we worry about is getting to top of those cursory values, such as money, fame, and power. There will soon be nothing to conquer.
This was an enjoyable poem that spoke much truth.
Keep writing, Miji -
"good write and i agree, the clock is always racing... "
Well it is but only because our culture wants it to. I, personally, have gotten to a point where I can (and do) choose to slow down. On a regular basis, I make choices that allow me to slow down more, even when I can make more money going faster. I've found this allows me to feel more peaceful, have better realtionships with my family and overall, enjoy my life. Like those guys said, "Money can't buy me love"- LOL -
i agree. humanity is friggen worthless, now. no one appreciates anything. we're ALL hypocrites. the workers work and earn nothing. the rich do nothing. no compassion. hatred for one another especially when we all should get along and pull together as one...but i'm going off topic...lol
good write and i agree, the clock is always racing... -
awesome poem, really points out the message,
i especially like the first stanza,
its amazing how self-involved humans are.
(i must admit, besides the human race, this poem also made me think about the book "holes" - not a bad thing)
~Clare -
If evolution is the ultimate test of a species over time then our species are at a loss.... We're selfish and materially obsessed. That's the way I've interpreted the poem through the language you've used. Really interesting concept you've raised though.... An interesting and refreshingly profound poem!
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This was very in-depth and I really liked it. In the last line of the first stanza, though, is the word "cheater's" supposed to be "cheaters"? I was just wondering, because it doesn't make sense if you have the apostrophe, making the rest of the line possessive. But nonetheless, this was a nice write!
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This is well written and it shows a negative but true aspect of society, which isn't rare. I loved the way you wrote this because the images are very powerful. Good poem.
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Very well thought out! There truly is a yin and yang to everything. Great job of writing!
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Aclassic for the New Yorker
this is an expeditious tale of the money grubber versus the lazy so and so's who don't want to work have no desire to, but one must watch the depth of the hole one is digging for one's self it is true, love the analogy, by the way, either you're going to get buried in it or climb to the top of the heap, and look down on the idiots who are worrying about even getting to retire. -
This is actually a great poem, and I think you are right...to some extent. We can't jsut distroy all we have built, to we should jsut stop expanding. Well written and good symbology.
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what a great poem! well, it kind of reminds me of the movie, holes
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ace
I quite enjoy your author's comments.
This makes me think that..okay well gears are turning, but no words are forming. Brilliant nonetheless. -
Your so right! I whole heartedly agree.This is a revelant piece.
~~~Suseann -
Excellent
With every solution emerges more problems that are more complex than the last. Unraveling more simply leaves us all in utter confusion that surprises us all no matter how many times we go throught it. Life's like that. The poem in itself is great. I would like to say that you are briliant.
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