a nameless face lying
on the twisted ground
slowly
fading
away
the dreary feeling of a slippery life
lost to a colourless void of fake hue
piercing the magic
stuff that cost his
life to get and will
now cost his life in
debts. Loved ones
left behind forever
haunted with whys.
Opportunities lost
to the ghostly hand
of insecurity and
now he lies
there
dying
w
a
s
t
i
n
g
a
w
a
y
Author notes
This is based on a true story. It happened to a friend.
I was the one who lost the friend and had to deal with the consequenses he left behind.
I think this experience should be pretty explainatory of how i feel about drugs.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I love how this is shaped like a suringe...very cool !...and this is a very sad poem and it has a hint of haunting in it ... well more then a hent ...im sorry for your loss ...
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This is a haunting write as the last poster put it. Good job with this. Congratulations on the...what is it?...the "copper" trophy???? Write on, poet.
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haunting, but very good.
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Thank you for your entry
That is one thing that is all to common. The addicts to stop to think what they are doing to the people around them. The ones who love them or are their friends.
Good luck and and thanks for entering.
God Bless
Tammy -
Thanks for entering this most interesting write. It has quality and character. Your pic most cleaver. Sorry for your lost.
~Snappy~
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flawless!simply nailed this contest,hope you win
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trippy! the picture it created is wow, and it was well written to it wasnt forced and it looks so cool! thanks for entering!
Abused
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No, I don't mind your honest comments at all, in fact I appreciate them greatly. I will explain them to you, however.
'nameless face' - most druggies feel like they are just one of the world, that they mean nothing to no one and they are expendable
'the dreary feeling of a slippery life' - that nasty feeling of loosing control, of loosing everything, that your life is slipping away.
'twisted ground' - a reference to being high. When one is high, what is normal and trustworthy, in this case, a solid stable ground, is distorted, hence, twisted.
'lost to a colourless void of fake hue' - again, another reference to being high. Lost to the figments of one's own imagination 'fake hue' which in reality is not real 'colourless void'.
'haunted with whys' - Family members are usually left in shock on finding out that their son or daughter was on drugs, not even being aware that he or she was troubled. Hence they are haunted with questions of 'why'.
'Opportunities lost
to the ghostly hand
of insecurity' - when one has a drug addiction, it can get to the point that he leaves his whole life behind him, and is soley preoccupied with the addiction... which he probably got into in the first place because he was insecure about himself and his life. Because he forgets everything else, he misses out on valuble opportunitues and life experiences.
Anyway, I hope that helped, and again, thanks for taking the time to read this.
Edited on Jul 07, 6:03 because ''. -
this is an excellent shape and the words go with the item very well, although some of the writing seems a little weird & forced:
'nameless face' - all faces are nameless
'twisted ground' - ???
the dreary feeling of a slippery life --???what does this mean?
lost to a colourless void of fake hue --what???
haunted with whys. ---whys!
Opportunities lost
to the ghostly hand
of insecurity --what can this mean?
i guess the trick to these poems is to get the shape right & to get the words right as well. your lines SOUND good, but i can't work out what they mean. perhaps that because i'm too thick??? or perjhaps they are drug references that i am unaware of.
anyway, i hope you don't mind my honest comments.
all the best,
myron.
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This is sad but the shape is beautiful in many ways. I liked it. I liked it a lot! Great job! Best wishes in my contest! I will applaud you for your effort!
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This is very sad, but you made it an enjoyable piece of art by its form. Very well done.
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Shaped like a dagger dripping with blood! I thought it was just coincidence until I got about halfway through. Good poem and I absolutely love the shape.
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Well done Andu, with format and content, the two fit well on each other.
Thanks and good luck with all you do.
Mari
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I really enjoyed the creative set up and visual power of this poem. Your words painted a bleak picture and packed a punch!
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a dreary feeling of a slippery life
lost to a colourless void of fake hue
WOW! such a marvellous poem!a succint one which conveys whatever you wanted to say. i really loved your choice of words n i'm amazed by your creativity especially by the shape of the syringe....it's superb work
well done! hope to read more such works of yours.....till then,happy writing
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Really Deep, short but you got your message through loud and clear.
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amazing
I really like the form of this poem. Wow...thats amazing! -
You really pierced into the inner conflicts that chase so many people everyday. The tragedy IS the conflict with ourselves. It's utterly foolish and deadly fascinating. Great work with this mate.
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Wow! Me an Musical Anomaly definately share views. The shape is a really great idea, I wouldn't have thought of it. This reminds me of a friend who's father was on heroin. It was such a waste and tore the family apart.
The impact of this poem is really amazing. In so few words you've conjoured up a picture of drug abuse that would make most people quake in their boots. I love it.
~Alex~ -
ace :)
HEY HEY! this is fantastic, and the shape is excellently done. Great idea.. and the words themselves bring real feeling to this poem. *claps* nice one, and thanks so much for commenting on my poem, its much appreciated rach xxxx
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Firstly, the shape worked REALLY well without compromising the quality of the language or the relevance to the topic. Well done on that measure. I think putting some punctuation in this poem would help break it up for the reader. And you made a typo in your author's comment- "tired shape poetry this time"- tried?
Keep writing *Applauds*
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Wow. I love this poem. The flow was amazing and breathtaking and I love this subject, only because it keeps it real for me. I use to have a bad drug habbit, but now I have found the light. Very well written! I enjoyed it very very much!!
-butterfly -
this is so easy to read and to get the point of.the use of drugs is so fatal.great message to the world.
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This is excellent. The shape of the syringe complements the content extremely well....very nice of you to spread the awareness message around and hopefully it will get down to the masses.
Beautifully penned...keep it up!
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