[únus]
Darling,
I remember being frightened of
Winged things as a child
I’m not sure what it was
Maybe the freedom
That came along with those
Iredescent butterfly colors
They made me sick
But when you burned the wings
To ash
They were innocent
But that’s the way ash is,
I suppose
[Duo]
Late at night I used to
Hate those mirrors
The way my skin was
Toodark and notdarkenough
And I would cradle the bird skull
of my shoulder
Wanting nothing more than
This.
I have never wanted anything more than
this...
[Trés]
you know those
Horrific dolls
Shining glass eyes and
how those parted lips smiled
I swear they would cry out
And tear at my ankles
I was so afraid of babies
Babies crawling
Babies crying
Babies dying
Suffocating in powdery innocence
The roses smothered by babies breath
The roses smothering babies
And I cried and cried
I was still a child
A child in the backseat
Who pulled up her blue, blue dress for
la moon
ripping the crucifix from my throat -
nailing my palms to the dashboard
chirst,
I was frightened of
disappointing
[Quattuor]
In the small places where you can’t breathe
There are wallpaper women
who peel from the concrete
flowers fall in the window
to rot on the floor,
Yes,
this is what you're looking for.
They speak of Judas
And the stoning
parting siren lips
and crooning
\\\pocket full of posy
. .
a s.h.e s
.
a s.h.e s
. .
we('re)
__ __
__ALL__
[Quínque]
fa
ll
(ing)
d
o
w
n ///
Author notes
I'm into latin right now (the title means "I can't help but think...")
My childhood was very complex. It ended abruptly about 7 months ago (I am currently 17, but feel now that I was still a child.)
this poem is a reflection. A reflection of pain and coming to terms with it.
Written May 27th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Midnight Pumpkin (closes @midnight) by MuddyKing.
312 points, ended July 19, 2005, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Wow. Just wow. Don't speak Latin, but it didn't hinder the poem with this lack of information. Keep it up.
Cheers. -
This was a great poem, I like the way that although it was a modern poem you still used Latin. I liked the layout here. The spiritual aspects really added a sense of power but also darkness to this poem. Good use of repetition, for example, ‘ashes, ashes’. This flowed really well. This was a great poem which was quite dark
Keep writing, this was an abstract piece I'm sorry this was personal.
Best wishes
Pozo
Edited on Oct 01, 10:29 because 'Reading author's comments'. -
This poem has struck me speachless. I think this is possibly one of the best poems I've read on AP and you are definately one of my favorite writers on here. Absolutely fucking amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is nothing to even critique on this, its just great! Keep up the amazing work!!!!
~Zola~ -
Absolutely incredible. I quite like your style.
xoxo jen -
the form and content is wonderful
bookmarked -
Well lets just add one more applaud to this! I've never read anything quite like this, or maybe its that nothing I've read has ever made me feel like this, so amazingly close to the poem as though I were the person you wrote about. Or maybe I got swept up in how beautiful it is and the maturity of the poem from the speaker in it and yet when I think of the speaker I think of a child. Something, all of it perhaps, something makes me feel different than anything I've read. This was, to say the least, amazing. The first stanza made me sad, the second made me scared at how close to myself it reminds me, the third made me feel as though I had done something wrong, and the fourth one reminded me of a story I had read and the whole thing ended so well, so perfectly. I'll stop writing now, I don't have anything left to say, and I don't think you wan't to read anything more haha. Well, good job.
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Impressive. I enjoyed the unusual balance between the impassioned personal expression and the formal work with word shapes towards the end.
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Wow, I can see this is really personal write. Amazing, I loved the ending, I've always wanted to write a poem that ends like that but I could never find the right words. I liked the third stanza, very strong..Filled with angst...Brilliant. I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for entering and best of luck in my contest!
~Lana
PS. Please read the rules and follow! Thanks
Edited on Jul 12, 1:54 because 'Edit.'. -
Wow. Truly Amazing, I liked parts 1 and 3, with the butterflies and the dolls, I really liked this piece a lot. I dont know what else to say about it, its magnificent. I cant find anything to critique on, i cant find anything wrong with it at all. Good job, and great write!
Shantalina Marie -
This is my favorite line: "In the small places where you can’t breathe
There are wallpaper women
who peel from the concrete".
I have no idea why...I just like the way they sound. I like this write...although I do get lost a little bit towards the end. It seems like you start out well with the whole 'fears by numbers' deal, but then you go off into that Ashes Anshes Ring around the rosey thing, which I think needs to be threaded in more throughout the poem...to make more sense.
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wow... wicked writing.
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that was an awesome poem...i loved it. i loved the format and the whle thing. sounds good
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I enjoyed this very much.
"I remember being frightened of
Winged things as a child
I’m not sure what it was
Maybe the freedom
That came along with those
Iredescent butterfly colors
They made me sick
But when you burned the wings
To ash
They were innocent
But that’s the way ash is,
I suppose"
This bit stuck out to me along with:
"In the small places where you can’t breathe
There are wallpaper women
who peel from the concrete
they curl from the windows
and float to the floor"
I like your descriptions...it paints a vivid picture in my mind. The flow was very nice...fantastic read!
Sel~ -
Applause!!!
an interesting write indeed -
This is a very thought provoking piece!! You have poured so much of yourself here; secretly behind the meaning... This has tremendous effect with the flow and well worded stanzas... Very nice job... I am still contemplating inside my own mind - takes me back to former strange innocence... Beautifully 'strange' overall!!
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sounds good to me
I really like it. -
I was wonderign if you coudl re-read part 4 of this, I messed with it and wanted to know if anyone else thought it was ok.
..... -
This would be a lot better if you removed that background. Your words are only legible if highlighted.
Red -
This is was an awesome poem Meg. Part four was awesome. The poem on a whole was beautiful in itself. You have an incredible style and I love your imagery.
"In the small places where you can’t breathe
There are wallpaper women
who peel from the concrete
they curl from the windows
and float to the floor"
I loved those lines. They just stick out and your descriptions are very creative hehe. I also love how you include Latin in your stuff hehe. Latin is fun. The grammar is evil though >_<. Hehe, sorry, thinking about the evilness of learning and being tested on Latin grammar. Anyway, I loved the poem. .
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Parts four and one. They are my favorite, although I'm not too sure about what four means. The wording just catches my eye. As did the Latin title; I don't know why I love stuff with any latin in it. I liked also how the style was different than a lot of the just plain line after line I see normally. Very interesting...
I don't like things with glass eyes either. The eyes seem to have the glint of life in them almost and are always following you. Creepy... -
Spell check in both English and Latin please. Interesting poem though. I do like the fact that some people thought it was Italian.
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This is beautifully done! I like the Italian works really well, you made it work. I love it.
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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. This was honest in a way I can't effectively express, partly because of my mood and partly because somethings are like that.
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interesting, gothic, doomful, scary. the loss of innocence and the terrible reality of being thrust unprepared into a new world. but then, how else do we grow? Veritas vos liberabit.
Edited on Jun 05, 5:03 p.m. because ''. -
Striking write here.
I have to say that it is striking and this one certainly took time to write. But you put a great deal of thought into and there are deeper meanings behind those metaphors. A finely written poem I would think. -
I love it, it's very striking.
I'd say this is the best thing I've seen from you as of yet.
yes there are a few typos but who cares when faced with such brilliance
bravo!
~Lea -
nice poem, I cant really relate to the child hood fears you had but I found this to be an interesting read. It was also interesting the way you laid it out. Iam sure you have a lot of potential.
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Oh so haunting. Well written your imagery is amazing. I thought it was about some sort of childhood fears as I went straight to the poem and confirmed it in the artists notes. You put it over very well.
Edited on May 28, 11:45 p.m. because ''. -
wow, this is really good, the title was what drew me in cuz i'm a latin student, my motto is esse quam videri, which means to be rather than to seem. anywho, i really liked the content of the poem, it was very well written and i enjoyed it alot. anywho, awesome write, so keep writing, and have a nice day!
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Toodark and notdarkenough
and
In the small places where you can’t breathe
There are wallpaper women
who peel from the boards
I can't tell you how creative this piece was. Especially those two parts. I'd only suggest you check your spelling one more time;
e.g.
crucifix fromn my throat -
this is really good! nice job! Oh, and it's different, not in a bad way though. Keep writing. Oh, and an early Happy Birthday!
Edited on May 28, 10:48 p.m. because '...'. -
This was an extraordinarily unique poem. I loved the originality of how you laid out this poem, especially the end. Great job.
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hey dollface...heh, just cracking at your fear. nah but really last time i stayed the night with you, i couldnt help but notice the porcelian dolls on top of you hutch, and i was like...good god, this is going to be fun, sleepning in front of a mirror being scorned by realistic glass eyes...then i got drunk...but the whole point of that is babydoll eyes scare me more then the actual doll...except chuckie....urgh, LETS NOT GO THERE!!!
Heather Jo taught me how to do french manicures REALLY good so next time we spend the night together we should do our toes and listen to The Doors...fun fun fun!!
Oh & there's a local show at Bob-a-Rino's this coming saturday...adn i'm gonna drag yer ass to it...its only $2 to get in and it starts at 4pm....tell Brenna too...
I love you!!!
oh and never tire of scraping these beautiful details out of your brilliant mind. or maybe you do not have to scrape like i do, it seems to come easier for you....
LOVE YOU SWEETIE CAKES!!!
-kelsey faye -
nunquam minus solus quam cum solus This piece is definitely a one star on the pinnacle of creative excellence for me. Superlative write! Like it alot!
Keep rocking!
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Latin always catches my attention. It is very much the most beautiful language.
This poem was amazing. It was choppy and flowy at the same time...I try and get my writing to do that, but it always fails. One's childhood never truly ends. We are always going to be innocent and childish. Trust, no matter how many times it is broken, always comes back. That is why all humans make mistakes. Great write! Keep it up!
-Anna -
"Drink down that gin and kerosene, and come spit on bridges with me just to keep us warm. Light a match and leave me be." Fall Out Boy. Got the new cd; that song was originally acoustic but they re-did it. "Keep quiet. Nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day? I'll be your best-kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relieves a failure every day." My gosh, I LOVE them! I can't get them out of my head.
Ah, you've written something new! Finally. How long did it take you, cookie? Cookie. It's a funny word. Say it out loud, seriously. Okay. Well, I'll stop being a little kid and get on with it.
It's beautiful; I can give you that right off the bat. You've figured out the way to make things sound soft and whispered in someone's head. It's about using words that are soft themselves--"darling" being the very first word. You started it out quietly. I love that. "Darling" has to be one of my favorite words--ever. It's so easy to call dears that. I wrote Theresa an e-mail today and started it out with "darling." Man, how I love that word.
It's okay to grow up. However, I find it much better to be defiant and stay a child. Don't ask why. It's what I'm doing. It's what I want to do. I don't want to please anyone. And I feel like the world is trying to grow up too fast--it's what everyone wants to do. I don't see the point. I plan on being like this forever. Yes, forever, and it's the only thing I want for forever.
Don't be afraid of the winged things. They were even softer than your words; they were definitely more innocent than most things I see. I just saw a picture of a man who dove-hunted in Argentina. Literally, there were hundreds of doves piled in front of him. Apparently he killed them all. Maybe--it's not the sickest thing... but it's sick.
On a lighter note--I Slept With Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me--lol!! That's seriously a song on their new cd, which totally rocks... I can't stress that enough... Well, I'll catch you later. Keep writing. -
I would never have known from your poetry that you were so young. Your voice is full of the wisdom of far more years, or maybe it's just that your years have been filled with difficult learning.
There are so many different lines that struck me. "bird skull of my shoulder" - god that's good.
The stanza about fearing babies I can relate to all to well, and the scary dolls attacking vulnerable ankles and biting at kneecaps...I used to have twisted fears of things myself, after a while, reality beats those fears out of you and replaces them with much scarier ones.
I have missed reading you. I forgot the brilliantly subtle hues of your world. Brillant brilliant brilliant!!!! -
im really sorry but i am deleting this contest due to some people trying to use my work! Thanks for entering I am so sorry! I will promote you on my Authors page as promised and comment on ur poems
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