With you in my heart
Only darkness grows
Scraping....
Tearing up my insides
desperately trying to escape!
Just, just do it!
....his eyes growl at me to try....
HIT HIM! BEAT HIM!
Slowly
Fading
He's provoking me again
HE KNOWS it gets to me...
HE KNOWS how it makes me...
But it's all a big joke, to beat Mindy as low as she'll go
So I
F
A
L
L
You threaten, now you call me psychotic
But if you'd had just
STOPPED
you KNEW what you were doing
Now it's broken again
Something has snapped in me
E M P T I N E S S
My life I wish to take
He WILL understand...
God knows who really killed me
HE KNOWS who drove me to it...
But to him it's all a big joke
The pills are coming
CLOSER to my mind
CLOSER to my heart
I'm just
about
gone.
Author notes
Want to get in my head?
Written May 27th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Good
It was really well written, and it really gets a point across. I like the pacing, I also found that this part "So I
F
A
L
L " which I really don't usually enjoy reading at all, was well used and actually added to the quality. So kudos for that and for writing such an expressive piece to begin with! -
this is dark and disturbing... I would say it terrifies me, but it's supposed to... a better releasal in word, then pent up and physical release... I always love how intense and emotional your writes are... so much of you in them... I can only imagine how intense you are in reality... that'd be something i'd find worth seeing...
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This is a powerful writing, I like all the anger and the rush you've given to this poem. The deep colors with the blue and purple really set it off too. Very nice, you're a good writer.
Tara -
wow this is so different...i love free writes ..easy to understand and easy to write too
well I just loved the way you have written here...something interesting
keep going
Ankita
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Beautiful
This truly wrenches the heart... everyone has their darker side. Either one experiences it or others tell you how it's so. This is where other's warnings aren't heed, that in a sense one must find out for their own means. I had someone how knew me to this depth that they could break me, build me up, and only to break me down again... It's sounds horrid to say, but I loved it. I really got to know a different side of myself. And now I no longer have that, just left with emptiness and I can say I miss it... It aweing what people can really do to you and how you experience growing and being torn by them. Sometimes things get so bad that the thought of death is the only answer. I know I think about it, everyone does at one point in time I believe this to be true. There's a yiddish proverb that came to mind, " If you cannot endure the bad, you'll never live to see the good." Thank you for sharing such an errie, yet hauntingly beautiful part of your world. Take care of yourself and those you love. Never stop writing, there's so much left to say, teach, share, and learn from yourself and others. Always ~Star -
This was heartbreaking, especially reading this as a fellow Christian. You have a very alluring style, and a seemingly kind personality. I wish to read further, as well as continue getting to know you. I am going to throw you on my list of favorites.
Jay -
Obscure and Beautiful
I chose this poem to read for it's darker feel. I experienced so much more while reading through it. However, I'll come back to that in just a moment, when I usually read poetry I often search for poetry with greater meaning (Deecrepit is great at this), but I also look for a substantiated rhyming scheme and proportional stanzas... Yours lacked the rhyming scheme and proportional stanzas but returning back to what I opened up with... I found this poem absolutely amazing for it's darker quality but the power and emotion riddled throughout. You can honestly feel the resonating desperation flow through the poem and the artistic quality of it's immensely great. It's a very dark poem with a very dark conclusion and I enjoyed it immensely. This is a great write and I do wish you the best with the rest of your writing. Please do return the favor it you'd like to do so. Keep writing and please do keep posting. -
I loved how you wrote a piece so emotional and the pace is just fantastic upbeat pace. Anyway, great job!
Hugs Nicci
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This is a very emotional write. Sadly there are people who love to push other people's buttons like you have described here. They love to play emotional mind games. You have captured that feeling very well with this write. The style was quite unique as well. A very nicely written dark piece. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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Dark, vivid, creative, MUST READ!
Holy smokes! What a write! I clicked on this poem and thought it would be just a poem. I had no idea of what to expect.
How creative is this? I have not run across another piece anything like it. So visual and dark....so vivid that it draws you right into the darkness.
WOW! That is a word which I never use. It is not in my vocabulary, actually. But I cannot think of what else to say about this. A most stunning write........dark, but vividly stunning!
~ Becky ~ -
Wow... this is really full of emotions, the part that draws me into the write is:
He's provoking me again
HE KNOWS it gets to me...
HE KNOWS how it makes me...
But it's all a big joke, to beat Mindy as low as she'll go
So I
F
A
L
L
This is done very creatively...thumbs up Mandee! This is what makes you an unique writer, all the best, Great job! Annie
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Wow this piece was definitely in a different format, but good. You have talent just like many of the others on this site, keep up the excellent work -TV
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This was intence. I like it like usual, It's different from what I've mostly read from you, but its still an awesome poem. I really loved it. Your are an awesome writer, which I have told you a 1000 times so this makes 1001.
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it is sad that most people on earth would think of this as weird, and never see the true beauty behind these words... amazing, it actually drove me to tears, because i know of these words deep in my heart as well. great job.
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LOL at the author's comment. Often poeple try and back off on that probing of me too LOL Very well writen piece, the emotions are high and the pace of the piece really strengthens them. Great job here!
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What an awesome poem. So many raw emotions in this poem that are conveyed beautifuly. I really liked your form and style it was so unique! And thanks for your comments on "twinkle of twilight"!
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On my god- that was unbelieveably amazing! Damn- I wish I could write as good as you! Just magnificent! Keep writing!
~Summer Kiss~
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Deeply emotional write.
No if this is happening I am just spiffy enough to make him the one that gets offed. But this is really a good dark write and I waited for it to come back up so that I could find out what this one was all about. This has a great deal of depth to it and you know so many times I do wonder how many women have done this in the same manner. Okay I am done and hopefully it will be posted again so I can reread as I do most of the poetry here. -
Very Good
I really liked the way you wrote this. The visual effect of the words was really good. -
ahh...I love this piece! Amazing! I love the way ypu used a style on this writng
I enjoted reading this one....
thanks for sharing your lovely poem.
Angel
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