They all flock through snow and ice
Fire and rain, only to endure the pain
We all love to call the extended family unite
Cousins you didn't know you had, they told you to be nice..
Smile and nod, Nod and smile
While you grit your teeth and wait a while
Until it's over, you're free, you're free
Happy holidays, Did I dip your tree in lighter fluid?
Your over large fat aunt Gurtty, only by marriage
Tries to squeeze your cheeks...
But not the ones on your face
You blush with shame, you have to take it all
All in the family name
Your uncle Ben Dover, sits with a few beers
By the sofa table, watching football on cable
He's always had a hang over, since the day he was born
You all cringe as he dives from another can of brew
...As he lunge for it from old granpa Dickle Tick
He threw up right on your new white carpet!
Happy freakin' holidays, I hope that stain stays
Grandma Spitz Inurpants, is from Sweden originally
No one can tell what she's saying, but never mind that
Lets talk about her cooking
She throws in last years holiday left overs
When no one is looking...
The turkeys on the table, no one is able to eat
It's tough as jerky, Granpa Dickle Tick lost his upper teeth
Trying to chew a piece of fat he found underneath the Christmas ham
Happy god damn holidays to you all, Did spike the Pam spray?
The worst part of it all, you have to buy them all presents
Even though your two pennies away from being broke
And lord knows, you've maxed out all your credit cards
The tree is over flowing...
I can even start to see the smoking a bellowing...
Someone wrapped your present in tin foil, what a prick
I think I got him a fucking brick, good thing
Cousin Sally Mander got me a cookie jar, that burps
Marry Christmas when you open it, I should've given her
A can of piss, instead of that bottle of wine
I gave Uncle Ben Dover a chocolate shaped cat..
Everyone stares as he takes a bit, and his eyes bug out..
Happy fucking holidays, ...Did I put poison in that??
Author notes
I felt inspired to write something about how I feel durning the holidays when forced to spend time with my extended family. All things have been dramatized, and names have been change. (No hams, turkeys or Christmas trees were harmed in the making of this poem)
Written November 23rd, 2002
A contest entry
- Freaky Families by Ken J.
600 points, ended September 10, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Christmas Blues ...you got em'? by redhanded.
400 points, ended December 23, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT by WesBreezyxxx.
400 points, ended December 31, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Absolute, Most Funniest Pre-Write! by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
400 points, ended July 21, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Winter Re-Actions by misticmoonlite.
875 points, ended November 16, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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your emotions sang in this!! when one has feelings of this time it may be the way life goes for some, thank you for this entry
L
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LOL...nothing but honesty, we can really be fake, trying to put on heirs, and it is the same old same old, the season only means one thing to me, what I should be grateful for and who to be grateful to. Brilliant. Well done. Blessings.
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I loved this piece! it was hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing! WOW! BRAVO! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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nice poem
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very well pend piece you have here thanks for your entry and best of luck to you in this contest and in the future
andi
(redhanded) -
I had an extended family that I felt the same way about. We were forced to spend Xmas with them, and we hated each other. What was the bloody point? And why bother with the gifts, I'd much rather flush $20 down the toilet. Anyway, your poem is very funny, and although it mostly doesn't rhyme, I enjoyed it anyway.
Good Luck. -
LOL, marvellous. I loved it ^.^ Liked the names of the 'family members' too
xxx
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Happy freakin' holidays to you too! I'll think twice next time someone gives ME a bottle of wine. lol I thought the artistic name creations were fun. Great poem.
Sarah -
perfect! lol
godDAMN you summed it all up perfectly in one simple poem! wow.. i thought for so long i was the only one who felt like this, too. hehe this totally made my day!
i was nodding and laughing through the whole thing, that's EXACTLY how it is. this is pure and simple perfection, in my opinion. lol i'm bookmarking this, this was fantastic. and merry fuckin christmas and have a wonderful drunken new year
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thank god i am not related to you, enjoyed this alot, I too had a cheek pincing aunt, luckily though she liked the ones on my face...peace
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Ooops I didn't realize I have read this. I really still enjoyed it. It was funny and I loved the names you put into it!
~Destiny~ -
awesome
oh wow this was great i don't know how you did it but you did it!! this was a great piece....lol this was great.... i loved it!! this is how i feel when i'm with my family too!!! you have it all wrapped up.... -
LoL I have the excact opposite problem, my son and I are going to be alone on the holidays. I loved this! It was very funny in a way that I felt I shouldn't laugh.. but I kind of had no choice. LoL This was GREAT. Happy freakin holidays man!!! LoL
~*Misty*~
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this is excellent! it totally describes the discomfort in being surrounded by relatives that one wouldn't EVER want to be aroud on a day to day basis..Xmas and other family get togethers have a lot to answer for!!Its always disorganized chaos and every one is always glad to see the back of each other..till the next time the same old charade has to be repeated - EXCELLENT imagery and words - I liked a LOT - Alan
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don't touch it!
hahahahaha- dude... this was fucking AWESOME!!!!!
poison....::if only::
rock on
the cHeLsEA -
neutral
Great job -
excellent
poison fish.. poison fish.. tasty fish..
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