You might say,
We were conceived at the same time.
Exclusive and inclusive of one another.
Jacob and Esau’s almost incarnation.
Clawing at each other in utero,
The way we still do today, out of.
Only, I was destined for the flesh.
Hers was the realm of dreams.
The root of our eternal conflicts.
Each jealous of the other.
For becoming what the other can never be.
One’s dream, the other’s reality.
Yet, it is also this disparity
That made us fierce guardians of each other.
Mutually satiating thirsts,hungers,lusts.
She is no Jimminy Cricket. Certainly not an angel.
But,yes,she could pass for a saviour,the devil that she is!
For the many times she saved me from damnation-
Society’s and mine own.
The ever elusive,she hides and shies away
I could sense her repulsion of me
Pulsing through my veins, filling out my lungs.
“I am not the fucking genie of your bloody lamp!”
She comes and goes as she pleases-her mantra.
She was never one for authority,especially mine.
Giggles? Muffled laughter?
Ah, yes, she has seen the blank page.
The goddess in her taunting the human in me.
She has always had that power-
Of making me feel important and thus, insignificant.
With just a word, a thought, a moment, a vision.
But I have my powers too…
I hold her strengths, her weaknesses.
I know how to hound her, haunt her, hunt her.
Her rules and how to break them.
She is inside me.I am within her.
We have known each other all our lives,after all.
Author notes
this is about THE muse
Written May 26th, 2005
A contest entry
- Want Criticizim? Take A Look by HereComesTheSun.
700 points, ended July 28, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
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P: this piece has some great stanza;s ad wording that is just overall a stunning write
fav line: i was destined for the flesh, hers was the realm of dreams
just set up this piece to be what i became
thanks for entering -
Very nice poem
I have a certain sister close to me in age that I can never see eye to eye with. If it's my idea than she objects; if it's hers than I do.
Maybe this is why my muse seems so sweet, like a real sister. -
as I got about halway through this read I was thinking "MUSE" and I am pleased to say that my hunch was correct
I have never seen such a great write regarding her...and the battles that can go on amongst us and ours( whatever or whomever she may be) This is so creative that I wonder if she nudged you
Reenie
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oh my God. I know you're used to me critiquing you and stuff, but this one's different. an amalgation of all that hidden power in you. the love/hate relationship in this poem is so consistently woven, and the characters so intricately sculpted. I may never write a poem like this. good thing for you. this is something that Plato, the poet snob that he is, might never have the right to call 'dangerous.' this is sublimity
Keep writing
Kannika -
breath-taking. no, really!
Phwoar! And I'm not just returning the favour; that really was an excellent piece. So much soul; excellent form and content. The vague feeling i have now, i really am relishing. That was a really good piece of art and aside from a few exceptions of people whom I actually know, that was just brilliant. It's one of those poems, for a long time, too, that make the heart beat slower, breath, more shallow, soul, richer.
Consider this bookmarked!
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Wonderful piece of writing. I went through all the options of who it could be while reading the poem. Twin, self, friend, soul and of course it was all of those things your muse. The line "ah, yes, she has seen the blank page." Great personification and very well written poem.
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Oh, this is fantastic!! Makes me wish that my contest had allowed prewrites...this is exactly what I was looking for. Please, keep fighting with her...because together you two are spectacular. Keep up the great work! Much love to you and yours,
Nicole
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Excellent piece! It sucks you in and rolls you down the page. Quite a clever portrait of the muse Bravo. Gypsy
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This really is amazing. I've had to read through it a few times, and I really can't say anything negative about it at all. I have to say this would have won gold if it had been my contest. A really great piece, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, thank you, tashaxx
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Truthfully, I can't see what you could do differently here. This is a great write. It's always difficult to pen an ode to our muse, and you've done a bang up job as far as I can see. It's no matter that you weren't chosen for the Gold trophy. That's just the judge's opinion, and doesn't affect the fine quality of your writing at all. These contests are just given by people on this site who are not much different from you and I. That simply means that the value of your writing is not demeaned by not being chosen as the "best" in a contest like this. It simply means that the contest maven preferred another poem by someone else for some elusive reason intrinsic to her nature, and not that she didn't like your poem, nor does it matter if she did or didn't. The poem stands on its own, and doesn't need accolades from anyone.
Edited on Jul 14, 4:54 p.m. because 'typo'. -
this is a wonderful poem. good use of imagery and good description and flow. great write. good luck in the contest. keep up the good work.
Jenna -
Amazing!! What else can I say? This is such a wonderfully articulate piece; excellent use of imagery and descriptive flow!! I really liked this. So very thought provoking... Really gets-into-your-head kind of write... One of my new favorites!!! Write on!
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This is so fantastic I love all the references and symbols you have used here to create an all powerful poem. extremely thought provoking and an instigation for further self exploration this poem really rocks and maintains a wonderful flow throughout which is an added bonus. Good luck with this hope you do well it is moat impressive. Stella
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Damn, this is a great poem. I have to agree, one of the best I've read on this site!
~whispered
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What I like: the beginning starts off with a bang with a beautiful biblical allusion. The emotion in here is raw, and I can see that you are truly different from each other, all though you are a part of her, and she is a part of you.
What I didn't like: I am unsure of what is creating the tension between the two of you. Why do you dislike each other so much? What is the cause of this dislike? You allude somewhat to the philosophical differences, but more detail would be great. -
Just stopping by for another read of what I consider to be one of the best poems I've had priveledge to read yet on this site. Simply a wonderful write
Ruth -
Excellent
Very insteresting..full of imagery and intense feelings...
I can really relate on this part coz it reminds me of someone in the past.
"She has always had that power-
Of making me feel important and thus, insignificant"
just change the "she" to "he" then... -
I am drawn to this poem though I have commented before I just find it such a powerful piece.I feel this way about certain people too.Very much a poem I can relate to.
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Very nice poem, good luck with your contest
for a classic feel I would leave out the afterthought:
I turn on my computer.
I go on-line.
The world opens up…
The world disappears…
It's interesting to figure out the muse. I place mine some where out in space Like I'm moon-struck. I have a mentally retarded brother who keeps track of the moon, maybe it runs in the family. LOL -
great work! its a beautiful piece that is meant for a book
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I found this to be quite brilliant. I was enthralled from start to finish. The ending was enlightening...although I knew it was about duality of a being...the discovery of just what the catalyst was indeed made this write spectacular!
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This looks like a winner to me, awesome poem, i enjoyed reading through this poem very much. I can tell you put a lot of work into it Good luck in the contest
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This is a well written and profound piece, enticing the reader one until the end. You made good use of your tactics to delay the reader the punchlines right until the end, adding much more impact to an already good poem. I enjoyed reading this very much.
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im going to be critical man... this didnt keep me readin at all dogg.. i know u must have put heeps of ur time in it, but mate, it aint keeping me reading, i found it borin... but im one man... not anyone else... have faith!
...peace... -
This work has great imagery, It is very intense, very beautiful. There is so much of life in each of the lines. You have done a magnificent job here. great idea, great flow and use of words.
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I liked it all it was very deep. Xcept I dont like how they made the rule where they change your badwords to "bunny". So yeah when I was reading the poem I read bunny
“I am not the bunny genie of your bloody lamp!”
My point. It kind of threw me off even thought it wasnt your fault. That fucking sucked. -
The first part was great. This piece has great imagery, and the choice of of words shows that you put lots of thought into it. I enjoyed, I'm glad I read it. Thank you. Peace
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Very, very interesting...and I'm sure there's a lot more to it than what I got. What I saw was a picture of someone you know really well, as well as she knows herself - all the weird parts as well as the nice parts. I think we'd all like to have someone know us that well, and love us still. Anyway...I enjoyed this..great job! and btw thanks for your comment on "And Thus I Mourn." :-)
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This is so amazing! I know what you mean- it's like, you kind of know that if that person was alive and could see you idolizing thier work, they would hate you. Any great person would. I can see that you had so much power driving through you while you were writing this. You should be proud!
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Awesome work,
like a journey through your words
FrozenTears -
Thyis is incredibly interesting. Excellent work
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This is very nice indeed. It appears as if you took great pains to create this. I love the whole concept here of two people being alike but opposites as well as similar. I had to savor this one a bit before commenting because there are some profound thoughts here. I think I am going to bookmark this as well so I can read it again later when my head is even clearer. I like this a lot. Thank you for sharing it with me.
♥ Kimberly -
Hi , cut out , out of, not needed in first verse, the rest is wonderful, read it aloud to your self and you will see where the flow needs a tiny touch of tightning, this is a super super write, I am so proud of you, great she says jumping up and down like a mad thing, love it, hugs and more hugs Di
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wah... i don't think i can say something here and say something that the other commentators have said... this is really beautiful.. i love all the lines, the words... grabe, ang galing @.@ iba talaga... i'm still reeling from the blow. grabe. ganda... jacob and esau and jimminy cricket... just to mention a few, haha, i know them and love them
maraming salamat dito ganda, grabe
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Powerful
A powerful poem and I really felt the intensity in this.It was quite disturbing in a way..I must return to read more of you soon .
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Wow! Kabayan, that is deep! I like the choice of words you used here... I wish I could write something like that one of these days. Congratulations on the trophy but I think you deserve the Gold. Anyway, I will be running a contest for Filipinos soon. Sana you can join Cheers! Eris
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I liked everything but that one word, which more or less ruins it for me. Would it not have been for that, I would say this is by far the best entry in this contest, but congrats on the bronze trophy, nevertheless.
Moses -
I have spotlighted your poem until I close the contest in an couple of hours.
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Awesome imagery and use of words. The flow was good, and I can find no flaw in this awesome piece. The end was a great one. Good job!
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ohhh...verry nice flow. great imagery...i agree. i like the "visual" u get. (well said) i like this peace a lot. it had great description and just the right amount of detail. well done. i'm putting this one on the favorits list.
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This was very nice. I liked the visual that you get from reading it. Good job.
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Very creative
You did very well on this. What an amazing description of a relationship between siblings. The love hate but mutual admiration described so wonderfully here. Very well done indeed! -
This is a great ode. Well crafted, filled with passionate emotions and sharp wit. thank you for sharing!
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That's really awesome. in vivo indeed. You did the expression justice. You also have one powerful muse to describe the situation so well. Good luck.
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I really love this poem. I think you chose great word usage here. This is my favorite stanza.
"The ever elusive,she hides and shies away
I could sense her repulsion of me
Pulsing through my veins, filling out my lungs.
“I am not the fucking genie of your bloody lamp!”
She comes and goes as she pleases-her mantra.
She was never one for authority,especially mine."
Great job! -
This is a very interesting poem...I really enjoyed reading it!
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great
that is really good poetry, i know i have some way to do through all of this. Good art! -
I applaud
I really like this write and so I came back to applaud it. -
This is cool
Now I would say this is a splendid write about the muse. I like this one and good luck in the contest. -
Good write
I am there with you. The new addiction. Seperated lust, impartial sex. We are only connected when we are seperate. This is so clean that we feel almost nothing. Ray Bradbury wrote "The Huddling Masses" in the 1950's. Go read it and be very afraid. -
Words seem a small token in regards to this piece. Your language, your flow, the subject matter...all about as perfect as they come. You've certainly met this challenge head on and came out a sure winner This is a breath taking read. Wonderful write
Ruth -
What can I say, but that this is totally awesome! Well done, my favorite!
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