I walk towards you...
There isn't much light now,
For the sun has gone down some,
Yet not enough for the lights
In this long parking lot
To catch the idea and snap on.
The walk takes forever.
You don't know I'm on my way;
You're lost in your own thoughts
And the glowing cigarette
Braced between your long fingers
As you pace back and forth.
I walk up the slight incline.
Your head rises up and you look,
Your eyes like stars lighting my way.
But you look away, after seeing me.
You turn away, and head for the door.
You turn and walk away from me.
I walk up to the door you went in.
I ring the bell and wait for you,
Because I know you'll buzz me in.
I know what you'll be doing when I come in.
You'll be buried in your work back there.
You'll pretend I'm not there.
I walk in the door, and through the next.
Now I need to make it across this room,
So long and empty with nothing here
To occupy my busy mind or take it off of you.
The dust swirls at my feet as I move
But I can't even wonder why they don't clean here.
My walk ends at another door, you buzz me in.
I make it to the next door, and pull it open.
I step in to the room and see you
As you wisk past me, black hair flowing
Like a cloak behind you following swift steps.
You slide right past me, like I'm not here.
You walk out the two doors I just came through.
I watch you go, move to say something,
But you are gone faster than the words come.
All I can do now is let the tears run
And I let out a pathetic whimper.
Please walk back to me, please come back.
I walk to the counter and jump up to sit there.
I wait, for your work is not done.
You'll soon come back in to the room
As swiftly as you went out.
And I'll be here, whether you see me or not,
I won't walk back out of this room.
You walk back in, and right past me.
You sit down, moving that black hair
As you slowly lower yourself to the seat,
Your eyes fixed on the computer screen
As you quickly continue typing away.
I won't ask where you went, I'm thinking differently.
I walk over to you and stand behind you.
I can't help myself, I have to hold you.
I bend down and put my arms around you;
You tense at my touch instead of melt.
Your head rises again and you stare.
I feel the sigh escape your body beneath me.
I walk back a few steps as you turn to me.
No words are exchanged, but I read your mind.
I've made my mistakes, I regret every one.
None of them were worth this pain,
You are murdering me with your eyes,
Murdering me when you walk away from me.
You are walking out of my life slowly.
You don't want to go any more
Than I want you to leave.
But I know, I see it in your eyes.
Your eyes are speaking volumes more
Than the volumes in your bookshelf.
I walked in to something I knew I shouldn't.
But because of that walk so long, so short,
I've lost you, I've lost you.
You say I have one more chance,
You say we can work at fixing this.
But I know... I've lost you, you've walked away.
Author notes
evil blue lemons dressed in purple and green polka dots are eating my underwear
I chose option 2
Written May 26th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- I Hate Titles!!!!!!! by -throw it up.
300 points, ended June 25, 2005, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
awsome
This poem was really cool i think its awsome that you right really long poems i think it would be kinda cool if alot of people started writing longer poems it would make the site more interesting in my opinion. Im not trying to suck up just to win your contest -
I just read the story of my life. Me being the one walking away. I'm seeing things from is point of view now. Thanks for sharing.
Destiny Fate -
I loved the last four stanza's, i'll admit it was a bit long for my taste (which i'm sure you're sick of hearing) but there was enough contest going to keep my attention and the ending truly pulled me in. The line "You tense at my touch instead of melt." was my favourite becuase like most of this poem i know exactly how that feels. Well done, take care and God bless.
-
amazing. you describe the end to a realationship so well. Or should I say the beginning of the end. Is this true. Your story it so profound you seem to know and understand the emotions conveyed in this poem that I have to believe you have experienced them. This was so sad and touching. Thanks for sharing
God Bless
Tammy -
"The walk takes forever."
this line won me over!
the length is a prob but i think that adds to effect of this FOREVER WALK.
Your eyes are speaking volumes more
Than the volumes in your bookshelf.
and so does your poem about your talent!
keep writing
luv -
wow, I like this poem a lot, Its VERY well written, Good Luck
-
good
This was a great poem, a little long, but I see that is your style.
I will of course IM you when I finish the story, thanks for the wonderful critique. I can't really think of anything that would make this poem better, its great as is. Keep up the good work!
Bowie of the knife and spear,
Rose of the thorns,
Morner of the lost. -
Very poignant. A walk through an empty place. A moving, tremendously emotional poem. Excellent job, my sister. Hugs, Patricia
-
Waaaaaaaaah!!!! That was so SAD!!! I'm hoping this is a fictional retelling... I love what you have done. You talk about his eyes but you are not cliche. I like the volumes on the bookshelf part... I also love the way that you have lenghtened time, drawn it out as if in a dream to show all the subtleties and nuances of the situation. The only part I don't like is "moving that black hair". I dunno why, but I didn't like that image. Anyway, awesome buildup. I can't put into words how superb the ending is. But the whole thing is wonderful. Yay Erin!!!
-
wow... This is a very sad but powerful poem!!! I really like it but it is really sad!!! Keep up the good work!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
wow...that was the most awesome poem i've read all year...well maybe not all year but at least this month...it was so vivid in imagery that it almost jumps of the page...it was like I was there...living that experience through your words....It is very different and I love how its all about 'walking'...thats a very unique way to look at breaking up...truly this was an awesome poem....keep writing...Luv Caz
-
Great imagery!Your words flowed very nicely.Good job!
~*Rose -
This was quite a moving story. It's quite a unique breakup poem and usually i hate poems like this but you managed to pull it off well enough to make me actually enjoy it. Excellent job with this and thank you very much for sharing this with me.
-
I was thinking there was too much "walking" too, I do plan on working on that. Thanks for pointing it out, I was wondering if anyone would agree with my own opinion of too much "walking."
-
Omg... this actually made me cry. It started off kind of slowly, but towards the end it became really REALLY moving...
I know that movement and the use of verbs to describe movement relates to the theme of the poem, but perhaps there is a little too much 'walking'.. maybe vary your lexis a bit?
I really did love this, I thought this was a beautiful poem. Well done. -
Beautiful
Great imagery, flowed beautifully, the end line... Powerful... Fantastic write! Keep it up!
--
* : ~ : * Becky * : ~ : *
P.S Check out some of my poetry if you find time, thank you!
Edited on May 31, 6:44 because ''.
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
6 old applause
