Sated, fevered, snug
enfolded in your empty
sweat-slick wet embrace.
Author notes
This piece is about how you can wake up with someone you have known for years and loved dearly, and find that they have just been going through the motions and you feel alone.
I commented on : Flowing.
Written May 25th, 2005
A contest entry
- Haiku!!! by .
300 points, ended June 7, 2005, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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great choice of words, I don't think you even need to explain it at all. It is all there in the poem itself.
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The mood changed in the middle of line 2, how did you do that? Clever choice of words, is how, it turned at "empty". The image and feeling are very clear.
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very nice - so much said in so few words!! i love it when that happens! one word sticks out to me - empty. how is the embrace empty if you're in it?
illusions -
Very good! I've never written one before, probably because I'm just too "wordy". You said a lot in a very few words though.
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whoa - foxy! This is wonderful - so sexy and illustrates a moment most of us miss so easily - well done xx
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this is a wonderful Hiaku .....i normally dont like them but you took a great picture with these words
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What's nice about this is that it's capturing the moment after the act. Sensual and relieving at the same moment.
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Well done
Well you sure do know how to do these and do them right. -
Excellent piece for this form...it paints the scene well, and extraordinary word choices..
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Don't I know it! You convayed so much in the these few sylibles. The mornign after the night before. Great write.
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