My father’s wheelchair is not
Holding all that remains of him
Shin and bone reminders to those who call:
Brave facades picket every story
My father’s world is not
Being cleaned by strangers
Changing beds, saturated and soiled
Sharing his twilight with unknown shadows
My father’s day is not
This musty room of fractured light
Slicing across some distant thought
Fading already into forgotten images
My father’s journey is not
A shuffling of pitied assistance
Where dignity vanishes; blows away
From crumbling remains of this ancient ruin
My father’s view is not
Staring hours into hollow fear
Waiting for a familiar face
Whispering love to a tear stained family
My father’s conversation is not
Questions of crematoriums or burials
Of favorite verses to be read for those
Who remember him back then
My father’s family is not
Talk that skims and skirts
Edges and circles in gestures between
Shallow slurps of straw sucked orange juice
My father’s body is not
A shrunken store of regretful memories
Where time erodes wisdom
Into pitiful futility of what could have been
My father’s joy is not
Hidden deep within a locked recall
Memories rerun to a captured self
Where he smiles; young with freedom
My father’s hand is not
Squeezing mine with what little strength
Remains in his feeble fingers
Wishing somehow it could all be different
My father’s time is not
Elapsed into mantle piece photo frames
Into stories told, into family trees
My father’s time is not gone
Author notes
Written May 24th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- I AM NOT SIMON by Swan song.
800 points, ended September 8, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
-
Speechless
Jesus David, this is an unbelievable poem for your father, so full of love and sadness. It should have won ten golds. It really is a masterpiece which could only have been mined from the deepest well of your heart. Your love for your father shines in every word. You're a good man.
-
Magnificent!
This is truly worthy of the title of 'Poem'. Your write is full of the dedication and love all families need. You brought a tear to my eye. Most of the imagery is sad and powerful, well done. You've worked in some amazing alliteration. A finely crafted work, thanks for entering my contest!
-
Elapsed into mantle piece photo frames
Into stories told, into family trees
My father’s time is not gone
a grand way to keep family members around
Riftkin -
Beautiful, tender and so sad. Yes, wishing somehow.
My Mother is present in my dreams, more than ever now.
I wish somehow I could have her back, to love her more, to be with her more.
-
Wow! I enjoyed reading this and it broke my heart line by line. It is very difficult to criticize a poem this well written and this heart felt. The only thing I could say critical is that every beginning stanza begins with my father, but that is part of this poems flow. I could say it was too sad, but who am I to jude that. so I will say welcome to the finals club
-
-
This is long but very much worth it. I like the progession from stanza to stanza all connected by what is not, what is no longer. I really liked all the small details that make your father and the family come to life. Thanks for the wonderful read.
-
Good write! I love the imagery. Very nice poem to your father! Good luck and thanks for entering my contest!
God bless,
~Spring Rain -
This is an great tribute to your father. I like the repeating phrase. It makes me want to know more about your father. I like the poem. Thanks very much for entering it.
-
Undoubtedly a very heartfelt and very true statement here in the poetic words touching the depth of the life through and through too.The thoughts are touching the race of the time through the philosopical arena of the poetry stated here .The flow and immagery here is just magical and very deep too.I must say it is just great work.prabhudayal khattar
-
earlier today i said i would not comment or participate in anything that was at all related to any contest. as this is for people who have been in lots of them--i do not forsee a problem so i am going to chance my quiet little space in the AP world.
i always enjoy reading your stuff as it is so insightful and thought provoking. you touched on a subject close to my heart. not cuz of my dad but the man i loved with more of me than i knew i posessed. you just let me know that it is ok to have him alive in my world even though the second will be two yrs since he 'left' my world. thank you for doing that and for doing it so well. viyanna r langager -
AMAZING
Really sad. And I'm sorry for whatever is happening. Quite touching and really good. Made even me sad and I dont let myself get sad. Kinda makes you wonder how you would deal with a situation like that. I'm very glad you spent the points to advertise this. It's great and without that I never would have seen it. -
WOW!!!!!!
Beautiful!!! This is an amazing poem, honestly. A HUGE applaud for you here. Thanks for featuring it, else I would have missed it. This is the sort of poem, many would cry while reading. Bautifully expressed. I would like to invite you to try out a new form-
allpoetry.com/Column/1818700
-
this is a very deep, thoughtful, well-expressed poem. it really hit home with me----last year my grandfather passed away, your poem reminded me of how weak and helpless he was, but how the memories and love go much deeper than that. thank you for entering---lovely piece.
-
Great write! In times of illnes, old age and death we are not what we appear to be. Even though physical form and condition seem to show us as weak, sick and pitiful, we are still the person we always were and that remains even after we leave this life. So personal to you, the death of your father, it can be felt by those who read your poem. So good. Lora
-
very beautifully written and powerful piece. So touching is your words in this tender and delicate description of a father. Its elegantly tackled here.
thank you for entering.
xxx -
This is really good. I loved how you put my father is not, at the beginning of each stanza and then at the end "my father's time is not gone" That was really good. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest!
God bless,
Spring Rain -
I just HAD to come back.
HAD to. -
David I can't begin to tell you how this piece touched me. I have an aging father and this piece is so beautifully written I just can't put it into words. Here's to our Pops.
Desiree
-
David, thanks for sharing....I will continue to keep you in my thoughts as I told you I would. Nothing more anyone else can do.
Love,
Cheryl
Cheers!
-
The awfullness of watching someone you love die slow. This is full of gutsy and painful imagery. I watched my father in law die slowly from cancer that mestasized from colon to lung then to brain. He was given 3 months and that is all he lived. Then I watched my grandfather die slowly from Congestive Heart Failure. Once the heart goes, all the other organs start shutting down as well. Its horrible. I wish to die quick when my time comes.
-
David: Well here I go again, sitting and reading what you have penned and looking for the hidden message behind the words. The right to live and die with dignity, and while we watch our family, friend, significant other, go through the process, we do not see the wasting away of their temple but keep the memories of their strength and endurance in our minds. Whenever I remember my friends that I have lost in the past I do not see their final days of living and being a caregiver for them, I see them when they were full of life and coherent and held their heads up high when faced with their final days. You have shown that through the penning of this poem. Very well done my friend, though heart-wrenching in a few places, the strength of the write comes in the last line. Gregg
-
It's extremely difficult to accept life without dignity. Unfortunately it's all too common nowdays. This piece just pierces the soul with sadness. I was going to say this is touching but it's more like it reachs out and grabs you and shakes you. As a writer you have achieve the ultimate goal...delivering a piece of yourself to the reader.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
Wonderful write. As time goes on, I've found myself feeling more and more of those feeble hand squeezes and can relate to this piece. I found this poem to be both profoundly personal, and universal, the best kind of poem there is.
-
Amazing Work
This was wonderful & touchin poem! Loved the way you inspirated your father into this poem! *God Bless n Full of Happiness* -- --
oxoxoxo Sedusha
-
Incredible write here
I came back to read this again and I hope that I applauded you the first time. This just speaks volumes and you did this one really well. So incredibly beautiful -
wow. very sad andpowerful and deep and all that jazz. nicely done. interesting structure for a poem that dusn't rhyme. nice originality in that department
-
This was very sad to read...Great work though!*Rose
-
This is one of the most touching poems I've ever read. Truly masterful and as poignant as it gets. It's terrible how time kicks our butts, isn't it? That's one of the best things about writing, though - it steals a lot from death's knapsack. When we're old duffers, our children will be able to read the poems we wrote when we were young, and it will be a blessing to them.
Excellent work, as always.
Mark
-
yep, David, you da man. this really does hit, because, well, everyone has a father, or has known the pain of loss, the 'rage against the dying of the light', and whether or not this is written strictly from personal experience or not, (I don't know) its Truth is in that quadrant, right on the border of sector 3, where it abuts sector 9.
hugs,
snuggles,
tongue
and a good firm reach around.
ed -
This is so moving, I think anyone with elderly parents can relate to it.
For me it was the feeeble squeezing of the hand that brought that final punch,
Very, very well done
Kyla XX -
Dear David, having been where you are now with my Mum, I can understand the feelings you are going through, I know you have told me of your Dads poor health. It breaks your heart to see the dignity they try to maintain, but their bodies won't let them. My Mum was of sound mind right up until just before she passed. The last thing she said to me was "I worry about you" I told her not to, as I would be fine, for which I have been.
I feel for you David and my heart is right here with you.
A wonderful dedication to your Dad, he would be proud of you my Friend. With love and kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Joan
Good luck in the contest my sweet
-
I, on the other hand, loved that last line, ed. It brought to me a sense of the view from the outside that says all is well even when it is not - that dream of the traditional picket fence advertising the simple life now diminished.
It worked particularly well for me as I had just pictured the weakening white legs of those who ride in wheelchairs - all bone and no muscle.
Even more than that, as I think about it - the 'feet' of both never really touch the ground. Like the wheels of the chair, the end posts of the fence carry the weight.
Now, when I think of pickets as placards on a picket line of protest ... (dang, see what you've started??)
LOL - I think I've just talked myself into loving it all the more.
---
This tears at my heart, David -
for you both
hugs,
Jane
Edited on May 25, 4:05 because ''. -
David, you honor your father & yourself with this piece...well done, Poet...
Wanda
-
This is a wonderful write to show the love for your dad's existants. My own father's last years bears a resembalants to the negitive side of this.Beautiful and heart pulling write.~~Suseann
-
Well I liked this piece. I am not sure that I understood it correctly though. In one hand someone (Like me who over analizes things) could read this and think that you are saying that your father is like this, but you don't see him that way. But on the other hand someone might read this and see that you are saying that your father is in good health and hasn't reached that part in a person's life yet. Good job. I like things that make you think.
-
Wow, this is so deep. I feel such a sadness, and a sense of despair. Great write, I loved the wording, it really emphasized your grief and emotions... I loved the repitition of "not". It added suc h an ominence. (sp) Reminded me in a wierd way of Edgar Allen Poe's the Raven. (Don't ask how my mind works, just take it as a compliment) It's very nice, very deep, and very touching... Great job!~
~Leasha -
this was very cool, i liked you tone, it was strong and vivid, your diction was also great, every word seemed well chosen, i liked the way you discribed the speakers fathers reality in what it isn't, it reminded me of 1 chorinthians 13, the love verse were paul speaks of love in what it isn't, its like taking a black piece of paper and erasing to show a picture. nice write, i think you won my applause
-
i felt every emotion in this poem i loved it every single word it was a excellent poem.
-
This is fantastic . It brought memories back to me of when my mum was told she had cancer .For two or three days i grieved for a body that was not cold .I woke up to myself and enjoyed the rest of our time together admiring her strength and blessed by her love and friendship.There is plenty of time for tears after they have gone .
-
Dear David,
This poem is not only a splendid piece of penmanship but is a glimpse into your feelings of affection and respect for your father which shows your own character in a good light.
I must comment on the habit of commenters who quote whole sections of a poem without saying anything worthwhile about it. Is this a cheap way of earning points? (See above.) I find it an annoying practice as I have already read the original and don't need somebody else to repeat it.
David, I am bookmarking this as one of your most heartfelt writes which deserves to win in this or any contest.
Applause and regards, Hugh. -
I love it. It really allows your feelings about your father and his life and what it means to you, personally, to leak through. one glitch for me in the first stanza, last line. Try as I might, I cannot make sense of it.
-
So fantastically written it gave me chills.This is one damn good poem.Congratulations
-
Great Tribute
As with seldom few poems I have nothing to say, nothing I would improve, please leave it how it is. -
ah Dear David, what a moving piece this is... the heart of a loving son shows brightly throughout these words. It's hard on all... some times I think it's harder on those who have to sit idly by, knowing there's nothing they can say or do to better the situation. These words echo love's care and concern that flows out of you for your father.
Such an emotional, touching piece here. Bless you David.
~Melissa♥ -
I think this piece is excellent and very well written. I love how each stanza begins with "my father's ____ is not". It a great piece of remembrance and very, very touching. There is nothing really to critique here as I feel that this whole piece is just fabulous. Great job! Keep on writing!
~Zola!~ -
'My father’s body is not
A shrunken store of regretful memories
Where time erodes wisdom
Into pitiful futility of what could have been
My father’s joy is not
Hidden deep within a locked recall
Memories rerun to a captured self
Where he smiles; young with freedom
My father’s hand is not
Squeezing mine with what little strength
Remains in his feeble fingers
Wishing somehow it could all be different
My father’s time is not
Elapsed into mantle piece photo frames
Into stories told, into family trees
My father’s time is not gone'....these lines alone were were good no make that great good luck in the contest -
wow..this really reminds me of my grandpa..i really love this poem. im bookmarking this...very nice it is indeed. and truer than ever.
shelby -
Sad and poignant
Wow this is so poignant and you have remembered your father in the way that is a tribute to you both.
Adding your comment:
1 - 49 of 49
