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The Whale

Missing image








Oh, I'm having such a tummy ache
I ate a meal..a big mistake !
I gobbled up a mouthful twice
now my tum feels like it's full
of mice..

I'm sure I heard a song below
my lunch I think I will forgo
there's someone tapping on
my persona..Oh lor!.. I think
I just ate

Jonah!!!....





~~~


Author notes


Written May 24th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • esroddo silver member
    August 8, 2007

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    That was so cute it put a smile on my face, Thank for makeing my day. Very enjoyable write dear LISA


    • cutiepie gold member
      August 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Now I am embarressed, this was written a while back and I think was probably one of my first, intended for children. I am glad it made you smile, but I have to say it had the opposite effect on me


  • apoeticinjustice gold member
    January 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hahaha, very good...that would definitely give one a whale of a tummyache lol...A very entertaining read.
    Rory

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 28, 2005
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    Made me chuckle writing it Glad it brought a smile

  • DawnRider
    May 27, 2005
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    Lovely write, i enjoyed this, made me laugh out loud lol ..

  • redlipstick
    May 27, 2005
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    very cute

    Very cute. I couldn't help but laugh, though I'm not sure if I've ever had a feeling of mice in my stomach. Very nicely written.


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 25, 2005
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    Glad you enjoyed this Mickie..I also enjoyed the bible stories as they could hold a childs imagination for a long time


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 25, 2005
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    God knew that if he left Jonah where he was the poor whale would get indigestion Glad you liked this one, thank you for your lovely words
    Edited on May 25, 3:13 p.m. because 'error'.


  • dadizgurl
    May 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I Love this!! I am a Christian and I like how you put the Jonah thing in there..Im glad God let him out of there though! Good Job! I LOVED it!
    Jessica

  • Mickie27
    May 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    LMAO this was so funny and really appealed to me because it had a Biblical element in it that made it funnier for me as I am a Christian. I really liked this write it was very good and very funny. Thanks for entering my contest.


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 25, 2005
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    Sorry you dont like it...hope you never have the feeling of "mice" in your tummy

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 25, 2005
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    Thank you

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 25, 2005
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    Many thanks

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hope I havent put you off fish Enjoy your meal

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 25, 2005
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    ...I had such fun with this...writing for children is a real eye opener


  • StevenHoward
    May 24, 2005
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    Very cute. I don't guess I've ever thought of that story from the whale's perspective. Good luck in the contest my friend.


  • faust135
    May 24, 2005
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    great

    I actually laughed. well, it was more of a small, high pitched, giggle .


  • zola
    May 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Cute.
    A nice little bit of humor to read in a place where poetry sometimes is so serious!
    A nice change!
    ~Zola~

  • Stella Shall
    May 24, 2005
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    This is just so damn cute!!! Such a great piece of writing. Well done


  • Halo Kitty
    May 24, 2005
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    eh

    I don't think a fish would have the perspective to know if it's stomach felt like it was "full of mice." This is weird - and I don't mean that in a good way.

  • Tevye
    May 24, 2005
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    Hilarious

    Hilarious. that's funny.


  • B Chandler
    May 24, 2005
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    hehehe this is a funny write and i liked how it went good luck in the contest

  • Fellow poet
    May 24, 2005
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    haha yeah very nice, love the truth, and the humor
    Nice,
    Jonny


  • kjd
    May 24, 2005
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    LOL - enjoyed this humorous, yet instructive, write - I'll remember that the next time I go to the buffet!

    Well done!

    (((HUGS))) and love, Karla.


  • CountryCousin
    May 24, 2005
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    Fun write.

    Okay and now spit it out, if it tastes good spit it out and the whale did spit him out eventaully.


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 24, 2005
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    ..I have to let this child in me out every now and again Glad you enjoyed this..it was just a bit of fun


  • Deke
    May 24, 2005
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    Excellently written my friend! I loved it. Poor ole whale got so sick he spat Jonah right out again too. You do write your short ones so well, and now you even have one about a whale.
    Deke

1 - 27 of 27