All people seem to do less for love and more for hate.
the Lotus bloom only to be burned in order to fuel a darker fate.
Youth is forgotten or thrown as away as most plot to do in their mate.
Sadness at home is forgotten only to be shipped in by crate.
Secrets are made only to be broadcast across the state.
And to think all of this can end so sudden that it is known by the date.
We will band together to obliterate a common foe.
It would be foolish for others to attempt a single blow.
Let the blood of our enemies be drawn so it may flow.
Let us swarm them as wolves swarm a helpless doe.
You may think it cruel to kill others who just hide in a little nick.
O’ what a fools they must be to fall for this simple trick.
Ubiquitous feeling surround us and drain us like a tick.
Hell is not far for such poor souls that are so polluted.
Even those who serve are but metal and nerve with their minds concluded.
Like the others who are but flesh and faith and the more deluded.
to Penitent is a forgotten art and god is eluded.
Man has begun its own destruction and is blinded by their own light.
Even the omnipotent have lost all of their might.
People seem to only bring about their own doom.
Let them run and hide for they will run out of room.
Even in darkness they seem to try to be a groom.
And most seem determine to build their own tomb.
So let them run for their end will come soon.
Eternal night is all that will be left after the boom.
Author notes
Written May 24th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice! ^^
wow...that is a very good piece right there homie...you do seem to understand alot more then you let on...I know that you can communicate ideas better then I now...and even though it seemed to me at first that we have had very different lifestyles...I take that back...maybe we have had very similar lifestyles...either way...this is a very good poem...and just as I do...you rhyme..with each and every line...with an almost perfect timing...the flow is very good...man..maybe you should write lyrics for my band! lmao anyways...keep up the good work dude...you seem to have way more experience when it comes to writing then I do..but the n again..I'm a guitarist...not a poet...I've written all those poems you commented on...in the past couple years of me writing poetry...I much rather make music on the guitar that reflects the way I feel..instead of writing poetry that does the same thing...anyways...my favorite line has to be this one
Man has begun its own destruction and is blinded by their own light.
Even the omnipotent have lost all of their might.
that's really good...its nice to know that I'm not the only one that thinks in extremely abstract ways...and uses big words as well...to communcate that...peace dude
Sociably Psychotic Leprechaun -
Interesting, this is a really great poem. The vocab, the way you strung words around and the meaning and depth of your write blew me away. I really liked the lines
"All people seem to do less for love and more for hate.
the Lotus bloom only to be burned in order to fuel a darker fate.
Youth is forgotten or thrown as away as most plot to do in their mate.
Sadness at home is forgotten only to be shipped in by crate."
Those really caught me. 'Specially the Lotus blooming line. Very well done , keep it up. Toodle pip
Star
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A good job, but I must agree with Faded Light on this one in that it was a bit repetative. I do enjoy poems about society and how fucked up it is. I especially like your line about how man has begun his own destruction. Keep up the good work, but you might want to change a few things in this one. Never stop the power of the pen!
~Stone~ -
Very repetitive in your rhyme sequence for each stanza. This is a style of writing I've never read before, and I have to say that it did throw me off at first. I'm not quite sure as to if I enjoyed the style or not...
In any case, you did a great job on this poem! I'm not sure you put as much effort into it as you had on various other pieces of yours, but none the less it is very good. Keep up the good work, and don't stop writing!
~Faded-Light~
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