Dead or Alive?

Alive or dead?



DROWNING IN CONFUSION, NOT KNOWING WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE NEXT MIN, HOUR OR DAY. WILL I CLOSE MY EYES FOREVER IN TOTAL DARKNESS? OR WILL I STILL LIVE IN THIS NIGHTMARE OF MINE EVEN DARKER THEN DEATH? MAYBE LIVE WILL CHANGE; MAYBE I WILL MEET MY GUARDIAN ANGEL COMING DOWN TO RESCUE ME?

I FEEL WEAKER AND WEAKER EVERY SINGLE DAY, MY HEART IS BEATING SLOWER THEN USUAL AND MY EYES ARE FOCUSED AT ONE SINGLE POINT ABOVE THE WINDOW OF THE LOCKED ROOM I AM IN.
MY ROOM IS EMPTY JUST LITTLE INDICATIONS OF SOMEONE’S LOST DREAMS PRINTED ON THE COLD EGGSHELL COLOURED WALLS.

THE HEAVY DOOR OF MY ROOM IS OPENED EXACTLY AT 6:30 AM EACH MORNING OF EACH DAY IN THE WEEK. A WOMAN IN A LIGHT BLUE UNIFORM AND A LITTLE NAME TAG ENTERED MY ROOM” GOOD MORNING LOI, HOW DID YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT? “ I HAD COLD MISERABLE AND HORRIBLE DREAMS OF DYING THINGS I WOULD ANSWER.” I HOPE YOU WILL SLEEP BETTER TOMORROW NIGHT” “I HOPE SO TOO” I WOULD ANSWER. SHE GAVE ME A FAKE “ I UNDERSTAND” SMILE, PUT THE TRAY WITH MY BORING BREAKFAST ON THE TABLE, CONTAINING TWO SLICES OF WHITE TOAST, PIECE OF CEDAR AND A BOWL OF CEREAL ALREADY BEEN TO LONG IN THE MILK I AM NOT ABLE TO DRINK ANYWAY, BECAUSE OF MY ALLERGIES. WILL THEY EVER REMEMBER? DO THEY EVEN REALIZE THAT I AM SAYING EXACTLY THE SAME WORDS IN THE SAME ORDER EVERYDAY AT 6:30 AM…NOW I AM ASKING MYSELF, WHY DO I SAY THE SAME EACH MORNING? IS IT BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE LISTENING OR IS IT BECAUSE I TRY TO ANNOY THEM? OR IS IT BECAUSE THEY ARE RIGHT AND IT’S TRUE I AM MAD? MY EYES ARE VERY HEAVY TODAY; MY EYELIDS ARE CLOSING AGAINST MY WILL LIKE HOW A STONE WOULD SINK IN WATER. MY HANDS ARE SHAKY AND I FEEL COLD.I LOOKED AT THE BREAKFAST TRAY AND PUSHED IT AWAY TO THE OTHER END OF THE PLASTIC LOOKING OLD TABLE MARKED WITH ALL KINDS OF SCRATCHES FROM VARIOUS THINGS.THIS IS THE 8TH TIME I HAVE BEEN PUSHING MY TRAYS AWAY TO THE EDGE OF THE TABLE…I HAVE NOT EATEN IN EIGHT DAYS, I AM NOT HUNGRY, AND I DON’T FEEL LIKE SWALLOWING OR SMELLING FOOD. I TURNED AROUND TO THE PLASTIC UNBREAKABLE MIRROR HANGING TO HIGH ON THE WALL. I HAVE TO STAND ON MY TOES TO SEE HALF OF MY FACE. MY EYES LOOK TIRED WITH DARK CIRCLES UNDERNEATH THEM. THEY ARE NOT GLISTENING ANYMORE THEY LOOK DEAD AND NUMB. MAYBE I AM DEAD, MAYBE I AM A GHOST LIVING IN THIS LOCKED ROOM WITH A CRAZY WOMAN IN BLUE UNIFORM BRINGING FOOD FOR NOBODY IN HERE, TALKING TO HERSELF? HOW CAN I FIND OUT? I PINCHED MYSELF HARD IN THE CHEEK, AND YES I FELT THE PAIN, BUT WHO SAYS GHOSTS DON’ T FEEL PAIN? I TOOK MY CLOTH OFF TO SEE IF I MIGHT HAVE ANY STABBING, SHOOTING OR ANY OTHER KIND OF WOUNDS THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME. BUT THERE WAS NOTHING EXCEPT SOME BRUISES, BUT THOSE I GUESS ARE FROM ME FALLING OUT OF THE BED EVERY NIGHT…DO GHOSTS GET BRUISES? WELL MAYBE I DRUNK POISON OR HAD A HEARD ATTACK…DO GHOSTS HAVE A BEATING HEART? I AM VERY CONFUSED NOW. I HAVE TO FIND OUT, TONIGHT! NOW IT’S 7:30 AND AS USUAL ANOTHER PERSON ALSO WITH A BLUE UNIFORM ENTERED THE ROOM SAYING” YOU HAVEN’T EATEN ANYTHING AGAIN” AND I WONDERED, IS HE TALKING INTO THIN AIR IMAGINING THERE IS SOMEBODY WHO SHOULD HAVE EATEN SOMETHING OR IS HE REALLY TALKING TO ME? HE TOOK THE TRAY WITH A GRIM ON HIS NARROW WHITE FACE AND LEFT THE ROOM, LOCKING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. I THOUGHT POOR MEN, TALKING TO HIMSELF, HE MUST BE LONELY, OR IS IT ACTUALLY ME SITTING HERE BEHIND LOCKED DOORS, AM I THE POOR LONELY CRAZY PERSON?I TOOK A BIG STEP BACK AND SPRINTED AGAINST THE DOOR, I WAS HOPING TO JUST RUN TROUGH IT, BUT I ENDED UP LAYING FACE DOWN ON THE HARD ANTISEPTIC SMELLING FLOOR.I HEARD SOME FAST RUNNING STEPS COMING TOWARDS ME. THE DOOR LOCK WAS OPENED VERY FAST.I WOKE UP IN ANOTHER BED WITH WHITE SHEETS; I HAD A PLASTER ON MY HEAD AND MY EYES SAW IN A BLURRY WAY. NOW I HAD TO THINK AGAIN, COULD I BE STILL ALIVE AND LYING IN A HOSPITAL BED? OR MAYBE I WENT TROUGH THE DOOR AND NOW I AM LIVING IN ANOTHER ROOM.SOMEONE IS KNOCKING ON THE DOOR OF MY NEW ROOM. AND A OLD MEN WITH A BEARD ENTERED ASKING HOW I WAS. OF CURSE I DID NOT ANSWER …I DON’T TALK TO PEOPLE WHO TALK TO AN EMPTY BED, BECAUSE I AM NOT IN HERE, I MEAN THEY DON’T SEE ME.BUT WHERE THE HELL DOES THIS WANT TO BE A DOCTOR KNOW THAT I WAS RUNNING TROUGH THE DOOR?WAS I RUNNING THROUGH THE DOOR OR DID I BANG MY HEAD ON THE DOOR, THEREFORE I WOULD NOT BE A GHOST. BUT MAYBE IT IS JUST A TALE THAT GHOSTS ARE ABLE TO WALK TROUGH WALLS.AM I A CRAZY PERSON OR A GHOST NOT KNOWING ITS DEAD, OR EVEN MAYBE I AM A GHOST GOING MAD, BECAUSE I AM SURROUNDED BY MAD
PEOPLE.THE WINDOW IN THIS ROOM IS BIGGER, BUT IT STILL HAS BARS IN FRONT OF IT. I AM SO HAPPY THERE ARE, BECAUSE IF THERE WERE ONLY CRAZY PEOPLE LIVING IN THIS WORLD, THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO COME IN HERE DRIVING ME INSANE. I DON’T THINK I COULD HANDLE THAT.THIS BED ACTUALLY HAS SHEETS YOU ARE ABLE TO REMOVE AND THE MIRROR ON THE WALL SEES LIKE TO BE MADE OF REAL GLASS, I EVEN DON’T HAVE TO STAND ON MY TOES TO SEE MY FACE.NOW OR NEVER THERE ARE SO MANY POSSIBILITIES FOR ME TO FIND OUT IF I AM CRAZY AND NOT A GHOST OR TOTALLY INSANE AND ALIVE.

I REMOVED THE WHITE SHEETS FROM THE BED AND MADE A LOOP AND PUT MY HEAD TROUGH IT. THEN I KNOTTED THE OTHER END OF THE SHEET ON THE BED-SIT UP HELPER OVER MY BED. FROM THE POSITION WHERE I WAS STANDING I COULD SEE MY WHOLE BODY EXCEPT OF MY HEAD IN THE MIRROR. I FOLDED MY HANDS BEHIND MY BACK AND LEANED FORWARD…FALLING OF THE BED.

DID I DREAM? NO, SEE! I WAS A GHOST. I WAS STILL SITTING ON MY BED; EVERYTHING WAS THE SAME, EXCEPT THERE IS NO SHEET ON THE BED. SUDDENLY THE DOOR WAS OPENED AND A WOMAN STARED OVER MY BED SCREAMING, FALLING TO THE FLOOR… I WAS JUST THINKING, WOW I THINK SHE SAW ME, SHE SAW A GHOST. I WAS HAPPY TO FINALLY KNOW THAT I WAS NOT CRAZY. I KNEW ALL THE TIME I WAS A GHOST. I LEANED BACK RELAXING MY NECK ON THE WHITE CUSHION.
THEN I SCREAMED. I SAW MYSELF HANGING