Some dark tree stands on the hill, in the distance.
Wavering in the wind, struck by black words
Behind a canvas so white it burns the mind
A death such as this would be too, too kind.
Reality's existence, faltering on a whim,
Could not save me now that I am torn
Between the bright world of my own making
And the dim world ready for the taking.
As if I fell down from out of nowhere,
With nothing to ease the pain of a fall,
My destiny reaches out to trap me
Oh, that some vain glory would set me free!
Alas, tis not written in the night sky.
Like a jewel bereft of any glimmer,
Sleepless nights caused by the truth of my fate,
I lose sight of my dreams, and they fade away.
Author notes
This is how I feel right now...I'd really like this to be an excellent poem, so please be critical and give me suggestions.
Written May 20th, 2005
A contest entry
- whatever.. by choke-on-the-truth.
300 points, ended May 27, 2005, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like the juxtapositions of light and dark, hope and despair. The life and death not of you, but of your dreams. Very interesting and really quite well done.
~ ~ Sincerely, Janet ~ ~
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thank you, i appreciate your comment very much
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im flattered that you take advice from my poetry! thank you very much
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thank you very much
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beautiful
wow...that was really beautiful...i love your word usage...it was really great...it reminds me of me a couple of years ago...very touching...very sad -
A+++++
This is indeed an excellent poem...you have accomplished that easily..it flows extremely well and the words you use are magnificient...such imagery in this poem and emotions of failure ..this is extrordinary..keep up the great work
♥ Sarah ♥
I usually give advice to people but it seems as though you don't need any...instead i will let this poem give me some -
great
I really liked it. It had such beautiful words, it made me have a sense about how you were feeling. I got all sad reading it
You did a really great job.
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