teewS srepsihW
Sweet whispers in the wind…
Sweet creeping spiders ‘long her hair
Her silhouette is silver, with just a
Hint of black…
Everyone knows her name
The chorus sings as she screams
Her name upon her grave
Her only plaque
She was never popular
But now she glides ‘long the sea
Where the seagulls cry emphatically
Her stare is hollow
Her songs lost their soul
The spiders fall to her feet
Being that as it were…
Not one soul knows
How her scars still bleed
Oh, they bleed… They bleed…
They pour from her the tears she
Cannot shed… Her heart is aching
A feeling that she will forever dread…
She doesn’t realize she is dead…
She hangs her head…
She cries inside, and explodes with
A cry into the sullen night…
Sweet whispers in the wind…
Sweet spiders creeping ‘long her hair…
Her silhouette is silver…With
Just a hint of black…
Author notes
Written May 20th, 2005
A contest entry
- Option Contest by Beating.
600 points, ended June 14, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes (Almost Anything) by Carly Pop.
500 points, ended December 15, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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i really like this, though there are a few things I would do to improve it. one thing is to make full stop sometimes. in the beginning it just goes on and on. a full stop would do it good.
And in the end, I think you could put some of the sentencens together, like:
"She cries inside, and explodes with a cry into the sullen night…"
Instead of that being two lines.
I don't know, that's just how I would prefer it.
Other than that, I really love this! -
OH YES! CAME BACK TO READ THIS ONE MORE TIME AND I STILL LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh god how i love this poem.
-
Oh god...I love this
OMFG I LOVE THIS! I LOVE THIS TO DEATH! IT IS SOOOO TOTALLY FRICKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS! WOW! I am like speechless. Its so sad awesome. its just great. How you end it just like you began it gave me a chill. The spiders in her hair. And she just keeps bleeding and she dosent know it. ITS ART AT ITS PUREST FORM! I WOULD GIVE YOU 1000000 APPLAUSES IF I COULD! SO *Claps One Million Times* GOOOO DWINDLE!!!
Vexx
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