Standing here alone,
Not moving cause I'm froze,
someone must break the ice,
Look into these loving eyes,
And see from within,
How great I could've been,
But they only pass me by,
Laughing at the sight,
Of a man so broken down,
And with everyone he sees,
the harder he will freeze.
Author notes
Written November 20th, 2002
A contest entry
- Your best prewrite by glazecovered.
300 points, ended February 23, 2004, 274 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Aw very poignant. I think the length is perfect and adds to the feel of regret and longing. If you had gone on and on, it would have ruined the effect. I hope the broken man finds a source of warmth and openness.
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Nice write...its short but has a lot of meaning and emotion
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"How great I could've been" Best line, ever. Good work.
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Very emotional is right. I really enjoy when a poem can be intense and short all together. You have mastered this gift. I really liked no loved reading this piece of your work and I look foward to reading more of it. Good job and Good luck.
Continue shining,
Baby Star -
This is very sad, and emotional. And emotional poetry is great. This is short and sweet, I really enjoyed it. Thanks so much for entering and good luck.
~Anastasia -
excellent
'How great I could've been,' That's such a painful line
great write
~SW~ -
excellent
'Look into these loving eyes,
And see from within,
How great I could've been'
I like those lines. *sigh* I wish the guy I liked saw how great I could be. Hmm, this is sad... but wonderful! :)
Skye -
neutral
Neo this is so sad. :( I will have to read more of your work. I like the succinct form you chose. :)
Red -
excellent
yeah it is kenny... -
excellent
this is really good kenny..i like it : )
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