Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Dawning






Listen
to the
silence just before dawn
then all hell breaks loose
with the chatter of finches
robins,magpies,starlings,rooks and sparrows
vying for attention at the same time
rather like humans in a heated debate arguing
incessant chatter and squabbles in high pitched voices screeching

~~~~~~
crescendo
shattered silence
as she enters
filling feeders with food
the eerie silence follows her
as they watch from high boughs
willing her to return tomorrow with food
as a ticking clock the noise resumes gradually
as they fight for survival in this world's garden
where man's pollution rules who lives and who dies.......

~~~~~~

 

Author notes


Written May 17th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 39 of 39

  • deep space
    May 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow a lovely poem here with ,with lots of imagery.
    The dawn chorus in a British woodland is awe imspiring at the right time and weather,now is a good time.Thanks for writing this ,best wishes


  • cutiepie gold member
    October 19, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    But...has the Kingfisher moved on? They say that they are a gifted bird...Progress has to move forward and space is at a premium but the birds will always find that secret place that you have made a home

  • cutiepie gold member
    October 19, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I would be honoured

  • Pari Ali
    October 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    you know when I was looking for an apt I found this building it was right in the middle of sugar cane fields I saw a kingfisher on a wire and it was decided where we would live, it has been a happy decision but civilisation is catching up sadly soon there will not be much left of the fields the juggernauts of buidlings are coming ever closer I would so love to settle on a farm do some organic farming have an orchard and maybe some flowers not a pipe dream if we go after it maybe someday soon

  • Pari Ali
    October 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I am adding this to the site hope that is ok with you


  • cutiepie gold member
    October 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I am glad you enjoy them ...Nature has a purity that one will seldom witness elsewhere. Thank you for your kind comments

  • hollisterx3wilson
    October 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    your nature poems are really good!

  • cutiepie gold member
    December 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Glad you enjoyed it


  • moonling
    December 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    A very imaginative piece.I could almost hear the birds chatter and I definitely pictured them all waiting for their food.So many birds in one garden lol.Nice work,well done and keep it up.


  • cutiepie gold member
    November 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It is one of the great sadnesses of the world that there are less and less migrating birds each year...they will be missed

  • Virginia Logsdon
    November 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Very Observant and wonderfully descriptive.

    This is a very observant peice of work!It kind of makes me sad, because, nowadays there isn't as much of those nature sounds in some places as in others, due to man's interuption of nature.
    Edited on Nov 18, 10:23 because ''.


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Andrew, I am delighted that you enjoyed this poem Many thanks for your kind comments

  • Hiddenmight
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Whoa this is a very crazy poem I like it alot I loved how you could change something as happy as birds chirping in the morning into a piece showing much truth, goood Job Love, Andrew


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Lol...I loved your word choice made me smile Thank you for your kind comments


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You know Jonny..I had a sling shot when I was a youngster and I was a dab hand at firing off coke cans from a wall, but to fire at birds who cant fire back is sad I know they can be a real pain for farmers who have planted seeds only to have them stripped off by birds (I live on a farm) but there are more humaine ways of shooing them away ...enough of this Glad you enjoyed this "dawning"...and the next time you see these wee fellas sitting on the feeder, think of me aiming my slingshot at your rear end rofl ...

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You are most welcome , I am glad you enjoyed this poem

  • c-town nena617
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    lots of imagery in this poem thanks for giving me a picture in my head!

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Glad you enjoyed it my friend...


  • natari gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    good

    A great message and I would certainly miss the noisy buggers.lol.Very nice imagery and you expressed it wonderfully

  • Fellow poet
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    ...Ya know, birds, the more you feed them the more they poop, so that's why I made a sling shot. Nasty Little devil it is but hey it's fun. So you don't see to many birds by me, but my grandpas I sometimes watch the feathered puff balls skim the air. Taking in there air currents and the tide changes to a light mask. I often speak as if the birds were just a piece of the air, one to connect and find the true meaning. As they land on the feeder crouching as a tiger but watching as a dog. Pecking the food of which they have been so grateful to have.
    My eyes are open,
    Jonny


  • wattle silver member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ms Cutie, love poems no less you champion the cause of the innocent and unheard. Well done. Thank you.


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    As always they will listen when it is normally too late...but who knows...maybe a miracle will happen one day As for this form, I think it might have looked nicer had I arranged the 2nd stanza in reverse 9-1 rather than 1-9 but it was fun just trying


  • cherche -d -ame
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    the message in this is powerful...it usually is the small man/woman that cares, feed the birds , tries not to pollute , does recycle as not to fill up our dumps ...yet it is like hitting our heads against the wall...we need to get the big wheels to listen ( but have they ever )
    xoxo
    Reenie
    PS : I love this form...can it go on indefinitely or do you stop at a certain amount of words? I guss indefinitely could end up telling an entire story eh?


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your lovely words and yes I agree wholeheartedly Life is too short to always be searching for the truth..one needs to take a day off every now and again


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yes it is sad and will remain so until they see the light... But thank you for your lovely comments

  • midnight rain
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    stellar

    very well done. i love how you chose birds as the partiality in this pieve. such beauty and freedom is captured in the mere image of their wings...anyways, you did a beautiful job with this piece, its very deep and very good. sometimes playing aroung can lead to a masterpiece and my friend you are well on your way to making that masterpiece...keep playing...life is far too serious to actually think ALL the time...lol. keep up the good work...


  • DawnBaby
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    So enjoyed this read, beautifully explained, outside my bedroom window are trees and bird feeders, I too go through this morning ritual with all these birds. Ah, but how much I would miss them if they were gone! So much liked the end, I am a product of the 60's we were protesting loudly way back then for the government to pay attention to the environment, speaking for myself what I have seen and now see are two different worlds! Sad...

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Many thanks


  • CountryCousin
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Well done.

    I think that it was written very well and it carried a strong message. This was well done.


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I totally agree Thank you for your lovely comments, as always I do appreciate them


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I had to smile reminded me of something one of my sons said..he went on a health kick (as he had bought new slacks and they were too small) he survived on lettuce and rabbit food for five days but come saturday he hit burger king..I asked why and he replied..well I couldnt starve could I The sad thing is that man pretends to be caring about the envionment and then dumps millions of gallons of nuclear waste into the seas. Thank you for your kind comments Kimberley


  • Deke
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Excellently written poem about nature and man's abuse of it. If we would take better care of nature we wouldn't have to take care of the birds; there would be plenty of food for them without our help--not that there is anything wrong with feeding them. It just shouldn't be that we have to feed them for them to survive. I enjoyed your poem very much.
    Deke


  • Touchof1der silver member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful depiction of any day of the week. It's kind of ironic isn't it. We feed the birds and litter the waterways and highways. Among many other things of course, but you know what I mean. It's like ordering a high caloric, fatty meal and then getting a diet Coke. I like this. Thank you for the thought provoking read.
    ♥ Kimberly


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks Robin, I was playing around with different forms, this one is add a word each line, sounds easy but takes ages.. Glad you enjoyed it

  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you and yes I will check it out I appreciate your kind comments


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, I agree. Mother Nature has had her work cut out for her since man took over hasn't she? Very well done Lynne. Great imagery in this with a much needed message for us to heed.

    ~Lyrical
    Edited on May 17, 5:28 p.m. because ''.


  • cutiepie gold member
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Many thanks I was playing with form and this is what emerged Many thanks for your kind comments

  • Gogetalife
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is beautiful write about mother nature..I like the last two lines a lot..I actually just posted a poem about pollution you can check it out..when you get chance..great job with this cutie pie

  • Veil of Winter
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    This was fairly decently written, I think. I liked your use of descriptive words, and I believed they helped move the poem along. Nice work!

1 - 39 of 39