If Only to Sleep

The Field is a place of sorrows.  A place where only torment and agony frolic in the dying sun, the shadows deep on my face.  I have been in the Field many a time before, but this time the Field is real.  As I walk across to unknown destinations, the buzzing of cars ringing in my ears, I nearly cry.

How could you abandon me so?  You threw away my trust as if it meant nothing.  And you pushed me here, away from all things that I once trusted.  But no more.  Now I stand on the edge of a road, in front of the fence I just climbed.  Cars scream past, ignoring the frail child with a smile so utterly destroyed.

The smile I speak of has long been gone.  Through the past, it has morphed into something unrecognizable.  Something horrific and terrifying that warps my face.  People often tell me I look angry.  I am not.  I just live with sorrow and regret.  I live with you.

Your screams echo in my ears.  I hate the sound.  Thank God, I will never hear it again.  I walk in a pit of despair on the edge of a hateful road.  People pass by in their horrific travesties of technology.  Heat blaring from the vents.  I hate cars.  I hate people who drive by freezing and heart broken girls who have done nothing wrong.

Another car drives past.  I hope you sit on a porcupine.  Another.  Go suck on a snake egg.  Another.  Why am I so alone?

The freezing air torments me.  I shiver.  I wish to fall into the tormented dreams of an abandoned child.  At least I could rest.  But if I sleep, I might never wake up.  And I only wish to keep going.  I will be where I need to be.  Eventually.

But it is cold.  So cold.  The only protection is the handkerchief in my pocket, and the knife in my other pocket.  They do not work very well, in this freezing abyss.

Salvation.  Someone finally stops, and I know him.  From school.  and I am driven back to the torment, but, for now, I am safe.  For now I sleep in my haven, shivering from cold that reaches the very marrow of my bones.

And in the morning, I return to you.  As much as I say it, I can never love you the way I once did.  The abandonment, cruel intentioned words, still fresh on my mind.  And I must live with it once more.  If only I had just fallen asleep.  Simply let slumber take away life's worries and pain.  Alas, I am a survivor.  I have lived it before.  I must only live with it for the rest of my life.