Illusions,
Silver whispers of tuneless tales,
Songs of sin.
As good continuously fails.
And You cheatingly win.
Prayers,
Pleading drained last-drop hope.
Screaming in soundless silence,
When the world won't let one cope,
Save for self-mutilating violence.
Denial,
Humming of lies, of secrets untold,
With a poker face and gripping solid ground.
Bad cards obviously meaning one must fold,
Selling out on a love we all once found.
Mourning,
Along golden gates still with sullen grieves,
With his bow-string torn and still quite blind.
One abandons what an atheist believes,
Forgetting fairy tales and leaving them behind.
Death,
So ill it becomes the man who lost.
With ludicrous love, a fake fable at its best.
In a sea of solitude we are all ravished and tossed,
As the teachers fails his self-constructed test.
For we are all romantically dying, just like all the rest
Author notes
"The Dawns will rise" You really have to look and think to understand = ) I love this poem
Written May 16th, 2005
A contest entry
- Want to Get Published? by dp robertson.
500 points, ended November 23, 2005, 137 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Absolutely awesome! Congrads on the gold well deserved!
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what a meaningfull poem great job
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This is a great and meaningful write. There is alot of powerful words in this. Thank you for your comment on Beaten. I appreciate it. Thank you.
"Writing is a therapy all it's own. Stay strong, keep writing." -
thank you
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This is really interesting to read- accepted
david -
Round 3: accepted. I have no idea what I meant on Nov 1,
other than "damn"! -
thank you
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shortlisted
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Damn. This won't fit into the book, but I'm shortlisting it
anyway. It's a good write.
Shortlisted. -
This is a very complicated poem. It's good. I'm going to save judgement for a day that hasn't been so long. I don't think I completely grasp it yet.
4EVER BEIN ME,
WESLEANN -
This is a great poem, I loved it. How you described each step in life and death at the end, and you are always dreading the last stanza. The last line was very well thought out, it was brilliant for a closing line.
Congratz on winning my sis's contest!
Lady anairO
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Welcome
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thank you very very much!!!!
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Wow, fantasti...
CONGRATULATIONS for the deserved gold !
Luv
Neha
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Well, I chose this as gold because I really find it subtle, beautiful and simply awesome. Well done!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Evalinka
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Wow... this is an amazing write! It is extremely powerful, intense and the imagery is outstanding! Your ideas are original and give life to the poem. Bravo... beautifully written. I love the idea of a single word as the first line of each stanza, it gives the piece extra power. I really enjoyed reading it. A very unique piece.
Thanks for sharing and entering. Best of luck in the contest.
Evalinka
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Greatly written
Very very nice write you have here. I even like the part aout poker faces. Great descriptions and choice of words as well. Nice write.
-Scissors -
Great job. Don't really knwo what to say. Great meaning describes the stages of death flawlessly. Very well written.
~Life -
Well written, nice style and flow... It is as if you are writing about the stages a person goes through at the loss of a loved one... be it by death or betrayal or whatever reason.
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GREAT!!!
a very very good poem! i liked the way you started each stanza with a different word and then elaborated. i dont think ive ever read one like it. well done and keep it up!
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Great Write!!!
Wow I really really love this poem each and every words have an AWsome meanings for it Great Write Keep up the Awsome Work
-Mina
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Wow, very nice, full of emotion. Wonderful write!!!
~hell~ -
just to repeat every thing everyone else has said, I love this, the imagery is stunning. It kinda brought a tear to my eye, or at least made my eyes water... anywho good write, keep it up!
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Yes we are just living to die. This is a continual theme throughout my stories and poetry. This is a well written poem, well constructed and considered. Liked this. x
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Definitely unique and powerful. I enjoyed it, but I had trouble pinpointing the theme (which can be good, or bad - good in this case), but I liked that because it enabled me to interpret it im my own way. It used a lot of vivid imagery. You've done a great job.
~Stormy~ -
This is really good, it is very unique and original...which makes me like it even more....great write, keep up the good work!
~Ashley -
second poem today that I've read on mortality, a consistent theme in most peoples minds I suppose!!but this was pretty impressive stuff!!
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great
wow. this is VERY good. the imagery is AMAZING and you really get your point across. i LOVED every line. -
Good
I enjoyed your poem. It was very interesting. I like the flow of it, and the tone. Thanks for writing! -
thank you!
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beautiful rhyming. this is such a great poem, and very to the point, while adding great similes and metaphors to it. this is really beautiful. great job!
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Ye, talks about both topics. Death and the melancholy and so on... but also about losing a loved one. Each verse is titled with the progress stages of getting over a loved one dying. thanks for noticing
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Wow... this was very powerful. I really like the way you word it, combining the mundane with the beautiful and making it sound good. Though it is very sad... It really made me think. What you say is very true, to live is to die. Everything dies a little bit more each day it lives.
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I think we've all missed the point, or might have. Does this poem talk about how we are all dying, OR about a loved one dying? Zehnten?
Btw, seriously brilliant!!! Loved the imagery and everything that goes with it! -
i like it...*adds to favorite lists* I love it...its so rad...Its really good...and every one cheats to win...if no one cheated no one would win...if that makes sence to anyone but me...hahaha that my logic...bam i like it...its awesome and so are you...ill be sure to read more of ur work...when im not so lazy...have a good day and keep up the good work that you call poetry
Linda<3 <33 -
very pretty poem....sad but true to the last word. beautiful choice of words n a really VIVID imagery. great creativity you've used.loved the last line or we are all slowly dying, just like all the rest
well done!n wish you luck in the contest! -
This is interesting. It makes me think of the progression circle of grieving -- well, all besides the beginning. Although we do kind of trick ourselves into believing that it didn't happen or whatever. Over all this is an interesting poem. I like the style and the way you went about writing it. What I didn't like was the word choice, but then again that's because I like extravagant wording.
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Melancholy. Very. It was a pretty poem.. laced beautifully with touches of imagery.. This would be a great poem to the saying.. Life is but a dream on the way to death. And it's so true.. You're right. We merely live blindy until our death and that's when we truly see what we had, what we could have done, and what we didn't do. Your rhyming was great.. not overdone and not too spaced out. Great job. I enjoyed it.
--Lid <3 -
awww I liked this. It made me sad kinda. The ending line really hits you. Great job.
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very sad. i always hate to think every minute we are living we are also dying. You like alliteration, don't you? hehehe. I enjoyed your heavy rhymes.
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Sad but true
Sad but true. There is only one conclusion to this life. We muddle on with it , because the other choice is a blind alley. The human spirit is an amazingly powerful force. Use your creativity to force meaning into this existance.
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