the smell of her reminds me
of cool, green spring mornings
in March, when the snow
was almost finished melting
and the grass and trees
were stirring from
their long sleep.
I can see those meadows
full of flowers waiting to be born.
I can taste the fresh berries
crushed between
my tongue and my teeth,
their juice like the sweet
sighs that bees sing to flowers.
and sometimes it reminds me
of a hot summer day
when I was running in the field,
sweating and gasping
and more full of life than
I had any right to be.
or when the beaches with their
hard hot sand
opened rippling limbs
to their green lovers,
and I ran along,
blinded by sunlight and youth.
it reminds me of when
I first met her
and how I didn't know then
that she would bring out
these things in me.
Author notes
for my slimy, of course
Written May 13th, 2005
A contest entry
- Round 1 of 5 (My second 5-part contest) by Kei-Aira.
300 points, ended February 5, 2007, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your absolute best poem by Gypsy-at-Heart.
850 points, ended May 2, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come be my AP family by A63-Angel.
1200 points, ended September 20, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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very good! doesn't need much revising, if any. nicely done.
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Fantastic piece, I really loved the choice of words and the subject. You took an original take on something that has been done quite frequently, that of describing someone you love. I have to say I have read poems comparing a woman to nature before, both by allpoetry users and Shakespeare, but never anything to do with smell. One of the things I really enjoy about poetry is how it can tingle the senses. This piece was so vivid that I could see the images you described and almost smell what you did. The continual references to various parts of nature made it flow well and feel complete. I love the lines "juice like the sweet sighs that bees sing to flowers" because I felt that was highly descriptive imagery and worked really well.
I also love the conclusion of the piece, mainly because it brings us full circle back to the idea of the woman and love and I think the lack of any reference of nature in this stanza provided the perfect conclusion -
Very lovely. Great thoughts here.
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck! -
This is a nice poem, with some interesting descriptions in it. I am not a fan of cutting thoughts in half to start a new line, but in this case it does help the poem flow better.
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i dont know what to say. you make me jealous. this is amazing amazing amazing. i love how subtle your writing is. it is so fresh and pure and sweet. like the innocence of youth. i dont know how you manage to create these masterpieces without the slightest taint of this jaded humanity. it is truly astounding.
this is sheer perfection. delightful and beautiful and by far one of your best. bravo, my dearest one. -
Beautiful imagery.
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or when the beaches with their
hard hot sand
opened their rippling limbs
to their green lovers,
Breathtaking imagery here.The poem is very refreshing.
their juice like the sweet
sighs that bees sing to flowers
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A track of passing time in seasons. It sounds like you were enjoying your trip down memory lane. I'm sure the one you wrote this for, will enjoy the sentiment and passing of smiles offered to her.
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this is a really touching poem. i can feel the love and emotion conveyed through your descriptiveness....great write and hope that lucky person feels the same way!
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