~*~One Hour~*~

~*~One Hour~*~


I told her I wanted to get out, to shout, to run away
I told her I didn’t know what was wrong or what else to say
I told her I was breaking, I could no longer keep it together
I told her the truth, finally confessing to my mother.

I so desperately wanted to tell her, “mom, I’m falling apart..”
Yet those simple words refused to unveil from deep inside my heart.
Frustrated tears fell from my eyes, nervously twisting tissues
Unwilling to spill my heart out and tell her my secret issues.

She asked me what was wrong, and why I get this sad
I shrug my shoulders knowing my response would make her mad
Though, no sign or anger, she cradles me in her arms of loving care
Anger’s overpowering emotion overrides, I felt it no longer there.

Now feeling alone, sad, confusion and a sense of neglected loss
Never before dared shared with her, this a line I never crossed
I see her face, she was holding back the tears, I could tell
I then wondered if it was wise to reveal my secret life of hell.

Softly I whispered, “I wish to just fall asleep and never wake again”
I knew that anything would be better than feeling this hidden pain
My mom said she’d miss me too much if anything happened to me
I was quiet then huffed and said “whatever” sadly.

My mom wanted me to go back to taking the pills to keep me calm
I shook my head, “I can’t.. They make me sad mom..” carefully
hiding the cuts on my palm
She told me to give it another shot, just to see
I realized then, she didn’t know the harshness of my broken reality.

“Mom..” I told her, “I.. I wanted to kill myself when I took the pills.”
Her response of laughter brought me chills
“Mom.. Really.. I.. I thought about committing suicide..”
Her face got sullen as she realized this is truly how I felt inside.

I told her, “Mom, I didn’t want to live, I thought up ways for my final breath.”
Her face so serious, I continued, “The only thing I wished for was death.”
Then I said, “If we had a gun, I’d  put it to my head and pull the trigger..”
I stopped mid-sentence in tears as the pile of tissues grew bigger.

It took my mom a minute, then asked, “then tell me, what is making you so sad?”
She asked if it was school, my friends, or my dad
I didn’t know, I shrugged my shoulders wondering why I confessed this at all
In the back of my mind, wondered how such a strong girl could take such a fall.

I suddenly broke down completely into tears that I believed would never cease
I told her the things that were bothering me, no longer hearing those acid pleas
As the minutes ticked by, I continued to cry as we talked out my issues
Soon, my lap was covered by a tower of tissues.

After an hour long talk, I went to my room where I cried more in my pillow
Saddening thoughts, I sit up and look out my window
Moonlight shining down, I peer into the endless navy sky
Slowly I rock from side to side softly humming a lullaby

My mind wanders as I wonder what will happen tomorrow
If everything would be better, if there was an end to my sorrow
The only reassurance from my mother I held onto was “it’ll be okay”
I smiled, gazing into the brightly lit stars, and wiped my tears away.


~*~*~*~*~*~