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Heart of Winter

An icicle wrenches
through a cage made of bone;
Yet no sound from within emits.
Silence-

A bitter wind suffocates
a moth drawn to passion like a flame;
But no one mourns the passing.
Extinguished-

Frosted words encase
a person still inhaling oblivion;
Though the frozen one remains forgotten.
Abandoned-

Frost-bitten scars on
porcelain skin painted peach;
And still the doll is nursed like a memory.
Remembered.

Author notes

Heart break. If there are any questions on the symbolism, do not hesitate to ask.
Written May 12th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • pattyann4500
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely written. Great job. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. Hugs, Patricia


  • blackbeauty
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that was wonderfully written.


  • MoonHelixEpiphany
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oygh...I am so sorry to hear...I will come back later to critique, right now I just can't ya know?!
    Buki


  • HeWillAlwaysBeAFool
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Nursed like a memory.
    I like that part.
    This is really awesome.
    I love the way you wrote it with those words at the end of each stanza- with that dash whatchamacallit.
    Lol.
    I can see what CountryCousin is talking about when they say the elderly ladies remember a doll when they can't remember something else.
    Something that seems so unsignificant can be a small comfort to those who have a heart of winter.
    Great write.
    Kept me til the last word
    ~Sarah


  • May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Wonderful piece.

    I especially like: A bitter wind suffocates
    a moth drawn to passion like a flame;
    But no one mourns the passing.
    Extinguished-

    This is a wonderful strophe.

    Excellent write


  • CountryCousin
    May 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Second opinion

    I still see a story about a person who is lost in the winter of thier life as well. Because often the elderly ladies remember a doll when they can't remember something else.

  • CountryCousin
    May 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Sad write.

    Again this one reminds me of the story about the Titanic. But I am sure that you are writing about something else. Sad one.


  • Chilko
    May 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful and powerful and sad all at once. The symbolism was fantastic. As a reader I could almost sense ice reaching out and covering everything, this poem makes you feel cold just reading it. Beautiful and heart wrending, muchas amor, Amanda


  • SliptheFlitch
    May 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is really deep, and really sad. I love the way you wrote it, and the descriptives were just lovely. This is really well done, and the word choice was wonderful. Great job!!!


  • Imokon
    May 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    LonelyLover and couldn't grasp it...
    It says right there heart break.
    I'm not 100% accurate, but I do see vivid images of an ice age taking place within a heart, and a rejected lover - still alive - freezing within.


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    May 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Stunning piece here. You did a wonderful job with the imagery as well as the symbolism. This is one to read and read again. I truly enjoyed this. Good luck to you in the contest, there was definately nothing cliche about this piece!!

    ~Lyrical

  • LonelyLover01
    May 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I am sorry dude...I am sure the peom is good but I just couldn't grasp it...maybe you could help me by explaining it...sorry.

1 - 12 of 12