Goodbye
This is my final moment walking in the light
Now all the wisps of dreams have
blown away.
And silent angels guide me.
My nightlight flickers out.
And the lillies in the chipped glass,
pulled out for the lack of a vase,
Are wilting, pollen drifting,
floating, settling on my fevered brow.
The petals, turned yellowish-purple, are curled,
enjoying the release from turgor.
My final breath is sweet.
Thick with the scent of daybreak.
The pale, yellow beads of dew-laden light
brush across my pillow.
And all is silent - still
And perfect.
A clear bright wind guides up my soul.
Released from pain.
This is my noble journey past the shadows
And lingering doubt.
No need to fear the mortal world.
This is a precious, new-born soul
Promised a life so much more than that
it had before.
My rocky soul is offered water.
My sins are quenched so I may sleep soundly.
One long, weary struggle left
And then - my heaven.
My peace
My saviour.
My soul is waiting for me.
This shell has seen the beauty in the life beyond.
So when the husk is dry, and brittle
And broken.
I shall make my journey to the eternal city.
Until that day my body wanders.
The mercy of the tide.
Author notes
This is both happy and sad - because life is never so simple as to offer one or the other.
'The Dawns will rise'
Written May 10th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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It's hard to find a real good poet on this site.
You are one of the rare. -
Lots of beautiful and elaborate imagery can be found in your poem. and the picture that you have portrayed is so vivid. I can see signs of an emily dickinson in you and a little bit of jim morrison. its wonderful to read such beautiful lines after a long time.
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Very Good
All very interesting -
i agree with all the above.....this is great
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wow
This was a great write. It was indeed the most beautiful thing I've ever read. You have great talent. Keep on writing and I am going to read more of your work. Please check out some of my work sometime. "why" and My Letter To God" are my daughters and the rest are mine. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed reading this. -
Great write. Beautifully written, sad and moving. It flowed extremely well and you used imagery very effectively. I liked the structure of the poem.
Thanks for entering.
Evalinka
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A very sad and spiritual poem. The structure was sound and the flow very good.
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wow!! ................................................ i'm speechless...........................................
it's a wounderful poem..........
keep at it!!
luv dd -
Very spiritual, it left me gaping, that's always a good thing in a poem.
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Wow this was really good. I would also like to wish you all the luck in the contest that you have enter. Best of luck too you
Jenn -
aww thankyou so much!
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amazingly beautiful and spirituall lovely love the middle verse thnan you for writing it..
lucyx -
Hums...
*skips by and decides to be random, and read your poetry...HERE...hold my chrome chickens*
The whole "freeing-of-the-soul", the thing that people debate about most...you HIT IT HARD...veery hard...
There's just NO way i can comment normaly on this...so i offer you, a poem-y comment:
and so she floated up towards the clouds
finding the atmosphere colder than normal
and she realized flowers really did hold power
and eching subtleties are beautiful condolances
ripening the fruit of ages
with the dew of time
she was gone
but to be remembered
for spirits last longer in minds
than in form
Great, superb, stupendous, AWE-INSPIRING poem...
GIMME MY CHROME CHICKENS BACK!!!!!
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I wouldn't call myself the most spiritual of people, but this caught me. I think our soul is the most important thing, it is constant, yet forever changing, forming who we are, who we were and who we'll be. I find a sense of comfort from the idea that my soul can start anew countless times. I wouldn't say I'm waiting for heaven, but it's calming nonetheless. I think it is facinating how we all have our own personal heavens, each to match our soul.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. I thought this was very well written, and thought-provoking.
Katy -
excellent my dear. i was enthralled throughtout the whole thing
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It's like you have stepped out of one pair of slippers into another pair. Just such a natural thing to do, an everyday occurrance on this earth. Great job, pink~roses vj(they don't offer pink her, so just pretend these are, lol)
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wow this is amazing, I have never seen a poem so in tune with my own spiritual beliefs and written with such amazing fantacy and imigary. You are a fantastic poet and this is such an amazing poem. My favourite lines are
This is my final moment walking in the light
Now all the wisps of dreams have
blown away.
And silent angels guide me.
But the poem is so good that I had to read it over and over again. Keep up this good work, you have so much talent!!
Louise
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This is a theme many of my poems focus on and it is good to see anothers take upon it.
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Excellent
Wow, love the poem, makes death sound so peaceful and heavenly. I love the imagery of the flower and the pollen floating off, like it has reached the end of its line.
PS thanks for commenting on my poem, i appreciate it! -
stupendous. now that is an underused word
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Excellent.
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This is a very nice poem... I love the imagery and peacefulness of it all. It shows a person at peace and unafraid of death. Well written with lovely style. One small possible typo: "floating, settling on my fevered brown."... should this perhaps read "brow"?
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no fire imagery, because it just doesn't fit - fire would imply hell, and this is far from that idea. I htought it might come as a welcome break from old-testament ideas of heaven and hell in the other poems!!!
hanxxx -
Applause
Okay, firstly I have been doing Harrison revision for four streight hours, so if I start telling you you are dealing with conflicts between youth and age, state and the individual or social classes and the educated,please hit me. Secondly if this makes no sence whatsoever it is because of the above, what? You got a butt that won't quit...
Anyway, on to the poem. As i said before, very impressive. Love the onpening stanza, very beautiful, the silent angels image is haunting. I notice the entire poem seems to have two recurring themes, one darkness and light, which are obviously literary classics in this kind of material, so no problem there. They are also written both sensitively and effectively to great effect (stet, i read back and found it funny that my brain aint working at all) The other image I notice is very physicsal and worldly imagery, which is again beutifully done. The only thing i thought was could you have used some fire imagery? you have LOADS of earth, air and water imagery so this would make a solid elements theme running through the imagery, which would be cool. I love the dry body and death being like water for the sul. Also, the sickness of the body is described beautifully, and you have truly elevated the material. Overtall a superb poe, far beyond anything i could muster. Keep on Crafting!! (he he) P.s. say a word on my spelling and i'll eat the kittens.
Talk later -C- Already applauded, poo. -
Good
I like where you were going with this poem. I really enjoyed this line 'yellow beads of dew-laden light' and hope one day to experience this line 'My sins are quenched so I may sleep soundly.' -
oh, my, thankyou so much - you have no idea how much that means to me. Yes, by all means, you have my permission!
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awsome
very interesting and capitivating!*sp~ anyways it's a great poem! -
Hi, a good write, nothing is eternal and when I see the flowers wither there is always that sad feeling, happiness always seems to be so brief,all the best, Di
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Awesome, erudite, and perfect.
this one of the most beautiful poems of forgiveness, I've ever read, I would like it read at the end of my memorial service with your real name attached. may I have permission? -
i read this as a poem of dying yet you've made it be peaceful. i have no fear of dying myself just suffering so i appreciate the poem's point of view.
very well done! -
Here's the applause
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i wish i had more time to comment on this wonderful poem!
instead i shall applause it and wish you well -
blushes wow, thankyou so much!
hannahxxx -
OMG, this was genius, wow
~Laila -
Life is really never predictable,i guess thats what makes us go on.. cuz we are so curious about what's next. Eventhough we complain about life goes on.. we still shudder to think of death.
Great poem..
Pisces. -
lush poem it's beautiful, really is. i am jealous that i cannot write like this. x
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this is very good.
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hey! i read this the other day but couldnt spend ages online, and i didnt want to write a half hearted comment. i myself have always been, and probably always be terrified of dying, no matter how bleak life has seemed, but even i had been caught up in your thoughts, and death seems just the passing from turmoil to peace. i hope that makes sense. i like the lines about the lilies and also:
'Promised a life so much more than that
it had before', because they show hope and faith in what is to come as well as disappointment at what has been. very original - i thought at first it was going to be a list of goodbyes to various people, which im sure you could have done well, but this is much more interesting as a poem. i like he attention to detail as well, its necessary because the subject is obviously so personal - without it it would probs be very vague. xxx
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The imagery in this piece is just delicous. The description was vivid and you kept the readers attention throughout.
fabolous dahling!
DIAMOND ROSE X -
still bitter sweet!
hey, soz about the long comment! teehee! guys n dolls guys n dolls guys n dolls!
ooh, talkin of which - check ur mail from me - YUM!! drool! xxx -
bitter sweet (DIDNT COPY C!)
hey hun, C alreadly sed this, but tis bitter sweet - we had a convo about it on msn, so u know we sded that - b4 i red it on here! hehe! ABSOLUTELY LOVE the way u started it with "Goodbye" - tis original - great!!
"The petals, turned yellowish-purple, are curled,
enjoying the release from turgor." gettin ur biology in there i see - excellent, excellent! nah, i like this idea, u shud hav put in about the bruises tho. like u sed, the petals lookin like bruises.
"This shell has seen the beauty in the life beyond.
So when the husk is dry, and brittle
And broken." like this idea - like ur body is just the husk/shell, the outercasing, that doesnt matter, and the beauty is inside it, in the form of the soul.
a LOAD of beauty, fragility (is that a real word?!!) and peace in this - tho still melancholy - v.lush combination!
well done hun! love you soooo much...sista!! (lol-ness!)
x x x
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thankyou - i'm glad you enjoyed it so much! this was written spur of the moment,but from thought that have been in my head for a while. Thnkyou for reading!
pinkxxx -
thankyou so much - it was a reflection on my life, so perhaps is applicable to all. I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and its always nice to have an intelegent, thought-provoking comment.
pinkxxx -
Superb!!!
You are right, not only this poem but our lives are also filled with happiness and sorrow. We were send to live in this body so we serve the purpose for whciuh we were sent. To accomplish that purpose it becomes necessary that we feel both of the powerful emotions, happiness and sorrow.
As long as we live in this shell we perform our duties as we are guided and when our purpose is served we will leave this shell and move on to the higher plane.
Knowingly or unknowingly you have painted the picture of life's very purpose in this earth. Great Job well done!
Many Blesings
RK -
This was really good and like you so rightly say life is never just one it is both happy and sad and I felt that your poem reflected this. It was both deep and light at the same time it was complex and also made one stop and think in a different way about life. I found that you had given this a lot of thought and I really enjoyed reading this.
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well cheers for the comment which clearly took ages - wen u spend bloody hours on teh w003t thingy.
No references, just my thoughts
pinkxxx -
bitter sweet. loving this return to teh ,more "spiritual"(?) stuff that i ejoy while still keeping with int3ligent poetry. are there any references? that may held me decipher the metaphors, or are they just metaphors!! n e hoo, good stuff, keep on crafting p.s. my n00 l-l/-\1l2 15 pHl_lq. Love you, -C-, p.s. hope practice went well, tlk 2 ya l8a.
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I Thought that was absolutely beautiful..Good Good.
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thankyou i'm really glad you like it. i like those lines too - the idea of the lillies being thrown into a glass, because there is nothing else to put them in - it said something to me about life.
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just as everyones said before the imagery on this pice of work is fantastic
My nightlight flickers out.
And the lillies in the chipped glass,
pulled out for the lack of a vase,
Ilove thes lines and i cant figure out y?? lol but i really do. well done again on a great poem
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good
Wonderful imagery and discription of the feelings that overtake you at times. I loved this, but the text color hurt my eyes a little bit, making it harder to fall into the story, without squinting, it might just be my eyes, but just a suggestion as to maybe changing it to be easier to read, thanks, goodbye -
The imagery in tihs is amazing. Took me away. Absolutely beautifully written. This definitely deserves an applause.
Thanx for the great write, and for sharing!
~*Ashleigh*~ -
i tihnk its pretty good.i like it.good job
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I think this was a good write. I really did enjoy the read and I totally agree with Imokon's comment. IT is basically what I was going to say. Good write and please keep up the good work! Take care and have a wonderful day!
Casey
Blessed BE
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brush across my pillow.
And all is silent - still
And perfect.
That was pretty sweet.
Not exactly original in concept, but definitly a pleasent read, it did portray the conflicting sad/joy of life and death.
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