Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Poisoned Wine

 

Cold frosty morning memories, days together, just you and me
Remembering that fireplace, glasses of wine, your sweet face
Winter nights stayed warm inside watching snowflakes flee
Wishing I could forever hold you there in that time & place
Those days gone, like nothing happened or went wrong

Forget you, not a choice, my heart gave me no voice
continued making do, think often of days with you
Memories so true;  helped me make it through

In time, I believe you will come back to me,

your eyes will open, you'll finally see

Until that day I wait patiently,

 for I know your love will

 come back home to

me. Years have

passed and 

I'm still

 alone,

in your

absence

my love

has forever grown

for I've lived my life in

 memories; I can not win

It is me, who finally sees my hopeless shrine

I toast you one last time, from my glass of poisoned wine

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 107     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • gypsyfan
    June 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Creative!

    Good Luck and thanks for entering


  • Ringside
    February 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like the format. Great job. Thank you for entering the contest and good luck.


    • DawnBaby
      February 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      I appreciate your comments and wish of luck, thank you.


  • dustookie2
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this shape poem has done very well for you. Very well crafted I stand in Good luck in the contest.


  • Recluse Writer gold member
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love it...you had me playing with this shape and I did manage to half fill your glass with a different font...did not taste as sweet tho'! I love toys like this
    Excellent...no wonder the glitter above!
    Good luck sista but I am opposing you here
    MWAH


    • Recluse Writer gold member
      February 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      So sorry the opposition pipped you at the post
      Congrats on another Silver Sis
      MWAH
      Sista


  • LadyDementia gold member
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Congrats on the shinys!

    Well earned, for this is a fab write. I love the shape to must have taken some work! Best of luck to you...fingers crossed for a gold!


  • Melissa Burns
    December 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my humble little contest. I enjoyed reading your entry - and congrats on all the previous goodies

    • DawnBaby
      December 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Melissa

      I very much appreciate your kind comments, thank you for your congratulations as well, but notice it has never taken Gold.


  • Gossamer Guile
    December 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very sad. I love the image that you painted within this. The love, the hopelessness. I will toast to that poisoned glass. Well done.


    • DawnBaby
      December 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Your kind comments are very much appreciated. Thank you!


  • transit
    December 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow!

    when I first saw this poem, I was awed by the lovely shape. Brilliant!

    I like the sadness in this poem and though you do mention wine in some places, the ending concluded it really well. Congrats on the silver trophies and I hope you win somehting in this contest too!

    • DawnBaby
      December 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      So glad you like my goblet, I enjoy doing shape poetry. Thank you for your kind comments and applause, very much appreciated!


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    October 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely wonderful...COngrats!!


    • DawnBaby
      October 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for your most kind comments, greatly appreciate comments and applause!


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    An incredible shape poem, both the poem and the shape compliment each other beautifully.

    All the best in the contest

    Sue


    • DawnBaby
      October 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for your kind comments and applause, very much appreciated.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    October 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful shape poem, Dawn. It has substance as well as shape.


    • DawnBaby
      October 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Sorry this one slipped by me, thank yo Freed by Mercy I appreciate your kind comments and applause.


  • samara11278
    October 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh this is awesome. I love the imagery and the end is amazing. Romeo and Juliet-esque.
    Great job!


  • VirginiaDarling
    September 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice work. Good luck and thanks for entering.


  • Myth Of Twilight
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    great work i lick the smooth read of it thanks for joining this was truly worth the read and best of luck in my contest


  • Dark Whispers
    April 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    thyis is not the least bit dark ,but it is still beautiful! great flow but it is still not dark.
    thanks for enetering


  • PerfectImperfection
    January 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful! great flow, form, and gentle rhyme. the ending just complemented it all perfectly. great piece! thank you for entering my contest!

    • DawnBaby
      January 8, 2007

      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      So glad you enjoyed my write, this one is also one of my favorites. Thank you so much for your kind comments.


  • Chelsea Void
    June 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    nice imagery and flow, but it doesn't stand out to me.
    that's why, even if i had seen this before the contest ended, i wouldn't have chosen it.
    you're a great writer though, and it's a nice piece, so be proud of that. afterall, it is only one girl's opinion.


  • dontlove
    March 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    its wonderful, i love it..-nichole-


  • imprisioned soul
    March 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    amazing.

    wow this is awesome. i really liked it. i like the way you shaped the words to look like a glass of wine. it is amazing. you have true talent.

  • Nihilistic 1
    February 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    9 Out of 10 *

    You were right. I loved this!! Thanks for pointing me in its direction, I would have never have crossed paths with this. It is the best form poem I have seen yet. I liked the fact that it rhymes and I love the color you picked. I could almost smell the bouquet as I was reading. I will definitely FIND the time to read more of yours.
    Edited on Feb 16 because 'removed an extra word'.


  • FunnyCracker
    February 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this was a wonderful write and a pleasure to read. good job and good luck


  • DawnBaby
    February 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Thank you

    Thank you very much, good luck with your contest!

  • Mythoughtsunleashed
    February 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    this is really good. i love how the poem is in the shape of a wine glass. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
    ~Sonya

  • DawnBaby
    December 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Appreciated

    Thank you, so glad you enjoyed my poem, thanks for the time spent reviewing, it is very appreciated! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  • DawnBaby
    December 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    appreciated

    Thank you so much for you kind comment and time spent reviewing, so glad you enjoyed my poem, appreciate your great review! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  • Sunsetsatdusk
    December 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    An amazing write, i love the format of your piece....ingenious! xox


  • Romeos Bleeding
    December 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    great fantastic i love the atmosphere that you created with you words definantly a great write keep up the amazing work loved it...

  • DawnBaby
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Appreciated!

    Thank you so much for your applause, your kind comment and time spent reviewing, so glad you enjoyed my write, thanks!


  • CinSoBella
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh! I'm liking the way you wrote it, just like a glass of wine.....luffin it

  • DawnBaby
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Thank You

    Thank you so much for your applause, kind comments and time spent reviewing, it is very much appreciated, so glad you enjoyed my work.

  • demoninfluenced
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow very beautiful poem. And it was very creative that you wrote it in the shape of a wine glass. I was very impressed. Keep up the good work!


  • DawnBaby
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Appreciated

    Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and review, it is very much appreciated. Thank you!

  • greenandpiercing
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow. i think this is the first ive read from you.
    its amazing.
    i love it


  • DawnBaby
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Appreciated

    Thank you so much for your kind review, it is very appreciated. Thank you!


  • few days left
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    The last line was completely unexpected. It gave me the shivers. It was gentle and flowy, then it smacked me in the face. Excellent write.

  • DawnBaby
    November 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Very Appreciated

    So glad you enjoyed my poison wine poem, as you can see by the amount of views, it has been one of my more popular pieces, I had a ball doing the wine glass, I enjoy shape poetry, I've done everything from baby bottles to knives! Thanks for your time spent commenting, applauding and reviewing!


  • bookdragon
    November 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully done, you did not compramise sound and flow for shape but married the 2.

  • DawnBaby
    October 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Appreciated

    Thank you so much for such a kind review when you don't even like the shape poetry! I first wrote the poem, the evolved after the poem, so it was first a poem, I appreciate your kind review, thank you very much!

  • TheDarknessVisible
    October 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    How depressing. This is enough to send one to drink!
    This shape was well chosen. It created a hastening effect towards the middle of the poem. I'm not crazy about shape poetry. But
    this is one of the few examples I've seen that didn't feel completely contrived. well done!

  • DawnBaby
    October 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Thank You

    Thank you Laura, I so appreciate your appreciation! Thanks also for the assistance with the word, isn't it amazing, I can find typos forever in my poems, thanks for letting me know, it really helps! Thanks for the great review and comments, appreciated very much!


  • rainwalker
    October 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a lovely write. I am also a fan of shape poetry and you've done a wonderful job. I like that this tells of someone looking back on their memories of a person they were waiting on. It is a question people ask themselves all the time, should I wait and hope this person comes back to me eventually? or will I waste my life in the waiting and die alone and unremembered? You have captured that in this poem. I also have to say you really pulled off a great ending for this; simple, to the point and it pulls out some real emotion in the reader...or at least it did for me. Awesome.

    I think where you say 'past' you really mean 'passed'.

    keep up the good work and good luck in the contest!

    ~ Laura


  • child of grace
    October 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    first off, i like how your poem is in the shape of a wine glass. for lack of a better way of saying it, its just cool. I also like the poem itself. It seems like the perfect story in the beginning that went horribly wrong in the end. The flow of this poem was excellent, as was the way you portrayed the subject as a whole. thanks for entering and good luck!
    *Sari*

  • DawnBaby
    October 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Appreciated!

    Hey thanks for the great comment and review, appreciated! I am still smiling from reading yours! I am glad you enjoyed mine, thanks!


  • whispersoftly
    October 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    excellant, a brillaint poem and the shape was brillaint as well a really really good write xx well done cheryl

  • DawnBaby
    September 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Thanks

    So glad you enjoyed my poem, this is the one of the first form poems I did, thank you for your kind review. It is appreciated.

  • gut full of bloOd
    September 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow...very expressive... it was very passionate especially for a dark poem....i loved each and every word and how the poem was 'shaped' and presented...was awesome!! keep it up!

  • DawnBaby
    August 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Thanks!

    Thanks for the review, glad you liked the shape poetry, I see you like acrostics, I like those as well, wish you would have had more time to tell me what it was you did not like about the poem, helps to have the input, but I understand you are busy with this contest. Thanks for your kind review.


  • BlackSatinRose
    August 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I have to say, I am quite impressed. I like the shape of the poem, contrary to most poetic professionals, i believe the linear shape of a poem adds immensly to the raw emotion that we as poets are trying to convey. There were parts of the poem i didnt like, however there were parts of the piece that i loved. Overall, Great job.

  • DawnBaby
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Thank You

    Oh for sure, try it, I never thought I could do it, worked way hard to get this right, first the poem, then the shape. Just takes a lot of time, but I think its worth the effort, I have another one not on the site called "Cuts Like a Knife" in the shape of a switchblade. I have done baby bottles, vases, bottles, glasses. Believe me if I can do it you can do it! Thanks for the great comments!


  • ShaShay
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Great write. Shape poetry is so interesting and intriguing to me. Maybe I should try it.


  • DawnBaby
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Thank You

    Thanks so much for your kind review and comments, so appreciated, your work is great as well!

  • toppedwithacherry
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good....cool idea for your words in the form of a wine glass!


  • DawnBaby
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    Thanks so much for your kind review, it is so appreciated. Thank you!


  • DawnBaby
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Thanks so much for your great review on my poem, I so appreciate your time and kind comments!

  • DawnBaby
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Thank You

    Thank you very much for your review and comments about Poisoned Wine, I appreciate your time. Thanks for the kind comments!


  • AureateCorona
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    The shape is entrancing but not more so than the words themselves. There are subtle rhymes and alliterations that just make my tounge tingle when I read it. Right at the bottom of the stem the revelation you have is magnificent and such a picturesque ending to an amazing poem. BRAVO!!

    AC

  • AureateCorona
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    The shape is entrancing but not more so than the words themselves. There are subtle rhymes and alliterations that just make my tounge tingle when I read it. Right at the bottom of the stem the revelation you have is magnificent and such a picturesque ending to an amazing poem. BRAVO!!

    AC


  • -theheartofme-
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    The shape is wonderful and you did not have to shorten your words to make them fit. The poem itself is brilliant a very shakespearan (spelling?) feel to it. Tragic love...but i think the wine would be better spent on him.


  • IamMEg
    August 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful! I love the words shaped as the wine glass ... it flows nice - the shape does not 'force' the poem - it works really well ...

  • DawnBaby
    August 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I appreciate you taking the time to comment even if it is not the type of poetry you are into, so many people just go and say nothing, just to hear what they are thinking is the point, didn't bother me that you are not into this, just appreciate your time spent commenting. Thanks!


  • KariiB89
    August 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    interesting...im not really into stuff like this...but it was a good poem from what i can tell. keep it up!

  • zee1
    August 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is an interestingly written piece, the set out among other things makes it so. The line : "I have lived..." is a great one and unfortunately so true for many of us.
    The last line leaves a very powerful impression - good write.

  • DawnBaby
    August 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Sorrry!

    Hello Alea, sorry if I spazzed on you, I place my work in the Featured box and I get NO comments, bugs me, costs me. I seriously rarely would do what I did, but saw you out there in the Feature box and could NOT help myself. Sorry okay? I apologize, and I should! I did read a couple of your poems, I did not reply too late, will come back tomorrow. Forgive me my bad judgement this time, won't ever happen again!


  • -Darkest Desire-
    August 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    *shakes head*

    ok, since I was SPAZZED out upon..i'm so dreadfully sorry i was blown away by your immense talent and expertise that i was unable to write anything that you would find at least good, or a review!like i said before...that you seemed to take so horribly wrong...wow!i liked your poem, great job!
    Alea


  • -Darkest Desire-
    August 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    wow...

    this was so good, i can't...wow!just.wow!
    Alea


  • DawnBaby
    June 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ok removed the poem from your contest, sorry, was late at night, I was thinking I had poison in the bottle.


  • flipflopinTM
    June 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    if you are bottling that moment please mention that in the poem

  • flipflopinTM
    June 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I like your poem alot but you didn't put anything in a bottle this poem isn't for this contest if it was in another contest you would have a chance to win but not in my contest
    P.S i love your format


  • Anthony-
    May 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting write which is almost fantastic in it's setting out and context. Tony.


  • The Warmaster
    May 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Shape poetry. Neat, I really should go for that. I liked the concept of poisoning yourself, while talking about your regrets. Loved the emotion and flow as well. Nice job, good luck in the contest. (Even though I'm about to enter it myself, so we're enemies in a minute...)

    -N.S. 2004


  • pattyann4500
    May 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely and full of emotion. I enjoy the "shape" poetry, but I've never tried it. Afraid of failure. LOL

    Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. Hugs, Patricia

  • DawnBaby
    May 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    So glad you liked my Poisoned Wine, thank you for your kind comments, I so appreciate your time and review. Thank you!

  • tamilosophy
    May 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow this poem is so beautiful and unique.
    'So I toast you one last time from my goblet of poisoned wine'
    mmmmmmm that last line defines everything you've said in this. i love how you've chosen a different perspective, where you actually wait for the person, believeing they will come back.
    beauitful write.
    love tami


  • Not-The-Sun silver member
    May 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful write that must have taken alot of time and thought to get the poem that shape... thanks for entering my contest good luck i know this deserves a trophy, but if it doesn't win one in my contest,keep trying because this is a great poem *Jordan**

  • chefhmboyrd
    May 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    very very good

    very clever in the shape, and extremely emotional. I like the toast, to the one who hurt you.

  • DawnBaby
    May 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ah, so sweet giving me your last applause, thank you so much, I am so glad you enjoyed my work, yes the pictures are a real challenge, try it you will see what I mean. Thanks for your kind comments and applause and your time spent reviewing all appreciate very much!

  • DawnBaby
    May 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Thank you so much for you kind review and comments, I so appreciate the time spent reviewing, thanks this is such an encouraging place!

  • DawnBaby
    May 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Thank you so much for your kind review of Poisoned Wine, I appreciate your time spent reviewing and your comments, thanks so much it is appreciated


  • HurtsKillsPains
    May 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I too second the general consensus. You are so good!! I love the Emotion put into this peice. It just stand out and drags you along for the ride. This is just so good.. I feel the emotions.. I love this.. Really i do..


  • Kestryl
    May 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    OH! it's a shape poem! I love this. the title is definitely eye catching as well; wonderful job. Until that day I wait patiently,

    for I know your love will

    come back home to

    me.

    Patience IS a virtue I suppose. Beautiful write; so full of emotional depth and love.


  • cherche -d -ame
    May 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I have to second all other opinions. This was an excellent write in emotion and creativity . It does take talent to do shape poetry as well as you did , and not loose any of the strength of the write , so for that alone I will applaud this with my last free one of the day
    Reenie


  • liltandrhyme silver member
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    God, that was superb! The wineglass image, the lyrical flow, the doom-laden ending, a really powerful and poignant piece of writing. Good to the last drop!
    PJ


  • DawnBaby
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks so much for reviewing my Poisoned Wine, appreciate time spent reviewing and kind response, thanks! ")

  • DawnBaby
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Very Helpful

    Hey thanks for the suggestion, took it to, so appreciate the assistance, thanks for the great review and the time spent reviewing it is so appreciated!

  • blueEYEScry
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    oh gosh, this is beautiful


  • Imokon
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    That's not bad at all for a structure.
    I would only suggest revising this line so that it fits properly;
    My memories see me through; to your memory I am true

    Just exclude the initial 'My', otherwise the structure is flawless.

  • DawnBaby
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you, thank you, thank you, this was not an easy task, so glad you appreciate my work, it makes it all worth while. So appreciate the review and time spent reviewing, thanks!

  • DawnBaby
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for the review, sorry if it was hard to read, it was even harder to do! Appreciate your kind words and time spent reviewing, on to review yours not. Thank you!


  • E A Collins
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great write

    This is so very cool. It was had to over look the pattern to find the truth of this write, but well worth it. Superb.

  • DawnBaby
    May 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Thank you so much for the review of my poem, so appreciate your time spent reviewing and kind comments, thanks!

1 - 99 of 107     1 2  next >  (show all)