They were in love with music
says the collection of guitar picks,
concert tees, and the instruments in the corner
Some of them were boys
says the wall dedicated to Playboy center-folds
some of them are over 20 years old
There were a couple of girls
says the few teen beat posters of
the Backstreet Boys and N'SYNC
They were happy once
says some of the photos
that are tucked away in a photo album
They were mistreated at home
says the poetry and lyrics
that are written on the ugly wall
They had a sense of humor
says the "welcome to hell, enjoy you're stay"
sign that is nailed to the door
Some of them are dead
says the wall with Rest In Peace
written at the top with photos below
They are moving on
says the fresh paint on the walls,
floor, and the new door
Author notes
a structured poem for english, I don't like it very much, still working on it, any suggestions welcome.
Written May 9th, 2005
In a list
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Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this poem gives me an idea for an abstract art idea of an empty bedroom full of things like your poem talks about and a note that says leave a little of yourself behind and see what it is that people tack up. that would be cool i think i would have to add a stuffed animal i have had since i was one and got in singapore. its an elephant and his eye are almost all warn out but hell he's over 30 years old and has a tun of love in him. id have to set him on the pillows of the bed. what would you add... the poster of NCYNC perhaps? or a photo of happier times? hmm this could be a nice poetry contest idea....
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I like this a lot. It flows well. One small correction, though. "enjoy you're stay" should be "enjoy your stay." Sorry, I'm a grammar freak!
lol j/k, anyway, great write 
~
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Uh, like this one. I have decided you are going on my fave's any Tim Burton fan is my friend.
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keep it the was it is....it's got that kick ass impact to it.....
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Amazing!
Very nice!
I like your use of indentation and you've created some wonderful images.
Excellent flow, excellent rhythm, and an excellent subject.
Keep up the amazing work!
~DAn -
wow i dont know this is great when i finished it i gots the chills the imagery was amazing good job i enjoyed it keep up the good work
uno jus
CLOUD
Ps. thnks for your comments on my poem BLACK ANGEL much appreciated -
Wowzars this is a great piece. I'm really glad i was forced into reading it cause i love it. You deserve these points / I really need to continue my updating process so here are the 11 characters. Cheers Sammay!
-XKristinX -
I loved this...really good..
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I enjoyed this poem. It flows pretty well and I liked the whole poem. I think that the ending could be a little better (maybe a little more hopeful or something). Other than that, I thought that this was a good poem.
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