Listen, there's two versions
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=2665&ArtistID=9993
64.34.180.106/songs.aspx?SongID=12305&ArtistID=9993
Paradise, isn't all that it's
All that it's cracked up to
Cracked up to be
I realize this, as I talk to
That funny peristyle thing,
floating in my drink
Then I say
just throw me
to the river
Maybe the river
will give me back
to the sea
when I get
sick and tired
of talking
that's when I
turn back in
to poetry
I visualize, where I've fallen
Fallen in love with
What I cannot see
Paradise, isn't all that it's
All that it's cracked up to
Cracked up to be
Then I say
just throw me
to the river
Maybe the river
will give me back
to the sea
when I get
sick and tired
of talking
that's when I
turn back in
to poetry
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID=2665&ArtistID=9993
64.34.180.106/songs.aspx?SongID=12305&ArtistID=9993
Author notes
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID 2665&ArtistID 9993
here the song on the link
independentartistscompany.com/songs.aspx?SongID 2665&ArtistID 9993
Written May 5th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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hey dat was really kool i like it a lot. good work and thanx for the links so i culd actually hear it. keep it up your work is good
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X celling
Wont open the links on a stinkin AOL sux dialup but I will soon as the DSL is setup.. Great lyrix though, paint a mournful yet clear pic of a feeling of acceptance of the way life is. To me... its seems survival in the gray area of life is where the challenge lies. Poetic expression is a medium to paint where you are...not that you need to be rescued. The YIN YAN balance is in the GRAY area between the two polars of truth and shadows, happiness and sadness.
GREAT Lyrix look forward to the full audio...
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wow this is great!!! i have never read sum thin like this b4!! it is awsum keep up the good work!! ooh yeah the popic at top brings it all togather!!
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The overall feeling here of needing to escape permeates the poem, but the repetition hurts it badly. I really don't know why you would want to repeat practically the same stanza twice. It hurts the piece. - oce
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I can't listen I got no speakers at the office. Look at those kids .. you, you, you Father you.
I will though. This new?
Just got back from Cali actually. Northern though - well Half Moon Bay. Loverly place but I don't get the fact that you can't swim in that ocean. Odd.
Hope you are well.
Lurve.
me -
this is very poetic, sounds so much like a song that i can hear it being sung, gorgeously, beautifically, in my mind. its hard (almost impossible) to stop reading once you start, it just sucks you right in. great write.
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This is a great write.I could spend ours commenting this poem, but i only have a few minutes. lol.so here it goes. that poem is an amazing one.you are a great poet and have real potential. keep writing.
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loved it, great, good, yay, ok get my point .
well writeing, great write, keep up the good work, I have a lot of other encourgeing words, but i cant remeber them all! -
It's a song, not an epic. I think I should know how long it should be mate...
After all, I'm the guy that wrote it and sings it day in and day out, savvy? -
Howdy Horus,
Hey, I really like this work all the way. I like the relevant tipsy wording you gave it in the first stanza; gazing into the parasol after a few too many, who can't relate to that! (LOL) I like the repetition with the 2nd and 4th stanza and the musical overtone of the work. I'm a big music addict myself, need to have a little almost every day to give me energy. Sincerely, Tony ¦:¬{ -
Nice...
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This is nice. I like the repetition of the last words in a line. Nice work! Maybe you should try to be nice to the people who try to give you constructive criticism, aka Demokrit. He was just trying to say that he thinks it should be a bit longer, and you got mad at him. Don't freak out over it. He's just trying to help.
~Robert
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This is really great! Then again you don't need me to tell you that! I like how it seems choppy in the chorus. And how the lines are short and choppy as well...
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cant follow the link and listen at the moment but those lyrics are ace.
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This is a masterpiece! I love the flow of your words and how you pulled the words out piece by piece. The repetion of...
Then I say
just throw me
to the river
Maybe the river
will give me back
to the sea
when I get
sick and tired
of talking
that's when I
turn back in
to poetry
...really gave a sort of "mood" and "feeling" to the rest of the poem!
~Blackevil -
You have a very good poem, but those shorter lines are not helping for the music you have in it...remember each word has a small musical element associated with it, and one should try to exploit, and if you allow your lines to grow a bit then those musical elements show up on surface!
A very good poem in making
Calvin
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Neat write
The flow is there and the Paradise just eludes you. Well written -
This reminds me of Aussie hip-hop lol...which is a very very very good thing.
I can actually hear the beat of the words... part of me wants to record it.... ah if only I had an Aussie accent. Or at least a good put-on one.
Great stuff!
Love and light,
Jenna -
Yep.. this has some nice flow to it man. I'm liking it.
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great write!!!!!!
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well maybe if you had speakers, a real membership, and a high speed motem, you'd be able to figure out how to click on the link and listen to the song brainiac.
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Very good and a tribute at the same time. Nearly could be a song if a bit longer. Really good message in this one
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This is a great piece! i love how you expressed your view in it and the way you used repititiveness in your verses. keep up the awesome work!
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I have always admired people whose writing talents engulfs the inclusion of lyrics. You obviously have no problem reaching out and taking on the challenge of such a feat and you appear to succeed it as well. Very nicely done.
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That's really pretty! 0-0
Though really, I'm bad with reading lyrics. I can't ever seem to hear how they sound. But now I'm curious how this is suppose to sound. Is it suppose to have a soft even flow to it, or is it just me? -
Cool
That is the beauty of poetry that you can create your own paradise. A really cool write. -
cool
Cool, different, I liked this unique style of poetry. Thank you for sharing. Look forward to reading more. -
Ooh... Wow. You really remind me of Douglas Adams! This is really cool, I just don't see where the fish comes in. I'm applauding this!
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Is this the fish story you wrote.Just kidding you. Very nicely written.I liked it.~~Suseann
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alone again, naturally.
Well done.
M
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