T'would be a sin to see these lovers part,
But in this phial perhaps solution lies,
It will not stop the beating of her heart,
But feigning death will be her life's disguise.
Verona's own sweet child will know no pain,
And wintered hearts might melt as spring kissed snow,
Young Romeo by sword will not be slain,
And fate a blessing on them will bestow.
Tis sad that reason fled on fiery wings,
Self deafened ears heard not kind wisdom's cries.
In nuptial they've exchanged their vows and rings,
And swore eternal love that never dies.
In this phial all my knowledge I have placed,
This sweet union is blest as it is chaste.
Author notes
Option 2, Romeo and Juliet
A contest entry
- Romeo and Juliet by my02U.
480 points, ended December 8, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspired by William Shakespeare? Write about it! by The Fun House.
1050 points, ended April 17, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 92 of 92
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I absolutely love it.
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This is a very intteresting poem... when you read the original, it is hard to see from the perspective of the Friar. This gave me more insight into his mind and made me understand the actual story a little more. Shakespeare would be proud! I also loved that you used that particular rhyme scheme; it fits really well with your text!
Good luck!
Luv,
Lovey
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Pretty kewl - a shakespearen sonnet. S'been a while since I read those. I like this one plenty much
. Yeah, I do wish that Romeo and Juliet hadn't messed up the way they did. Nice. Very nicely done.
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:)
Excellent job here
This is very well done
Also perfect rhyme scheme
Wonderful Job
Thankyou for entering my contest
&
Goodluck to you
Jaz <3 -
This was very well written, and amazing. Also the picture you have chosen to add to your piece fits the poem very well. Best of luck to you and thank you very much for entering my contest.
~~~Vampireblood~~~ -
Well, here we are dear Di, in the same group, to be on a great support against rookies. Next to you they do not have any chance. lol, now back to see what I can say about your another masterpiece - nothing than BRAVO!
~Sonja~
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This is extremely well thought out and well written. It is on a topic that has been researched, lived, breathed, and digested for eons. I love it.
Best of luck! -
oooooooo.... that was very nice. Very well done indeed.
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Two thumbs up
This is really good. This "Shakespearean Sonnet" is very interesting and very creative. This is a story that most of us know, but I like how you brought it together. I really don't want to hold a dictionary up and look up all the words to understand what your write means. This is very plain to the reader. Good job and good luck.
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masterful
Very, very good use of language! -
I like the little literature lesson in your author's comments. lol Your sonnet is beautiful, and would make Shakespeare himself proud. You've really demonstrated an interesting insight into Friar Lawrence, a very overlooked by crucial character in Shakespeare's most famous play. It was very deep and extremely well written. Excelent job, and thank you very much for entering my contest!
~Alicia~ -
Outstanding
I love all the romance and the imagery you use. You have the ability to create a very dense landscape of images. This poem is a perfect Romeo and Juliet poem. -
Very nice, Di. I wonder if you might like to have some of your sonnets published in Sonnetto Poesia? Richard is the final judge of course, but I think he would like some your sonnets. Let me know.
Good luck in the contest. -
WOW!! Just so WOW!! Dang if ya ain't left me speechless!!! Seriously, this is so beautiful. I came to yours specifically to see what this style/form was like, and I am blown away at your talent once again. Awesome, definitely not something I could do. Great writing. Good luck in the contest.
Jeannie D Hunter
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sounds and feels like it came from the play itself. Like a magnifying glass on that small prop in the play. exceptionally well done.
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Hi my friend, thanks a million, hugs Di
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Dear masterblaster,
A beautiful combination of romantic poetry & artwork!
Good Luck in the contest!
Tang -
This is wonderful!
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Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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This is wonderful, i'm not much on all these different poetry types, this is well written with great flow
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Hi Natalia, once you get hooked on sonnets they do not let go,lol, thanks a million, hugs Di
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You know, someday when my muse comes back I am going to have to try these out. I am very impressed with this.
Good luck in the contest
Natalia -
Hi last one before bed,lol, it's for you to tell me if it's good not me,lol, hugs Di
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good job...and good luck...
-Anthony
oh yeah, you can tell me why you think its amazing if you want
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Hi Miss Yorik, I went to your page but could find no sonnets??????????????????????????????????????????
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Hi, if I did as you suggested the iambic pentameter would be bunnied completely lol, and that is what Shakespearean sonnets are all about, thanks for reading, hugs Di
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A fine write for such a tough form! I like to write Shakespearean sonnets from time to time myself. Ahh, and the topic of Romeo and Juliet, from the Friar's point of view is very original. Just a few suggestions to improve the flow.
"And fate a blessing on them will bestow."
'on them' break the rhythm up a bit, so I suggest you switch it with 'a blessing.'
(And fate on them a blessing will bestow.)
"In nuptial they've exchanged their vows and rings,"
eh, I don't think the contraction works well here. How about: (In nuptial exchanged they have their vows and rings.)
"In this phial all my knowledge I have placed,"
This is just a personal opinion, since both ways woudl work fine... (All knowledge in this phial I have placed,)
Please don't consider these suggestions as my trying to rewrite your sonnet. These are just thoughts that passed through my mind as I read. After all, it is not easy to write a sonnet that not only follows strict rhythm, but also rhymes. You did a fine job. Good luck!
Miss Yorik
aka Melanie -
Very Good
Too complicated for me, but I love the words
In nuptial they've exchanged their vows and rings,
And swore eternal love that never dies.
In this phial all my knowledge I have placed,
This sweet union is blest as it is chaste. -
A bow.
This would be a great sonnet for a wedding. Your outline for the sonnet form is greatly appreciated. It looks like sonnets take great effort and thought... and skill. With Respect, Imkleyurflesh. -
Hi, it's Romeo and J lol, thanks a million, hugs Di
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great
Kind of reminded me of Tristan and Isolde. I love the "medieval-ness" of it. Nicely done (as usual). Thanks so much for entering.
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CONGRADULATIONS on the silver... Well earned this is a beautiful write thank you...
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masterblaster ... this is a well written sonnet about one of the best plays Shakespeare wrote ... well done and well written Larry
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Shakespear would be proud of you. This is a lovely piece.
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Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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Bravo!!!
Excellent and superb sonnet! Wonderful! Bravo!!! -
I must say this is a lovely piece of poetry, seems fitting for this contest..good luck in the contest,
Linda
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Absolutely beautiful! I have never read a sonnet with such a deep meaning. This is so emotional, and I enjoyed the Romeo and Juliet add-in.
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Love it!!!!! 'Romeo and Juliet' is my favorite play... and this did it justice. Beautifully written.
Elizabeth
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I agree that the image fit well and the words flowed beautifully. I wish you the best of luck in this.
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NOW this is what I am talking about. Great example of form, style, metre and FOLLOWING THE RULES. Great write and I LOVE the picture as well. Fits perfect in this poem. Keep the pen to the paper.
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This is a breathtaking sonnet. Lovely in content and form. Rich in descriptive language. I congratulate you on the bronze.
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good job, all in all
Good job, Di. Should have had first place. You might want to fix this line:
And fate a blessing on them will bestow. (blessings on them fate will bestow) and then it sounds like standard English.
You also left off the "e" on "swor".
Otherwise, good job. -
How little he knew! It was interesting to read the famous story from this point of view. Well done, a lovely sonnet. Congratulations, Di.
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just readin through all the entries, and i wanted to comment on this one again. i still can't believe how well you encorporated the historical aspects along with the structure so well. i can say for sure, that this is a great example of a modern day shakespearian sonnet. keep writing, you do it well. good luck and good write.
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koo, i know sonnets are hard because of the structure they must have and this one sounds unforced
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That was beutiful beyond words.
Damn...is all I've left to say. -
It's about time someone gave them a happy ending. I liked that. I really enjoy reading your sonnets. Good luck in the contest. Patti
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Hi Joshua thanks a million, hugs Di
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wow, your historical refferances are amazing. but the best part, in my opinion, would have to be the ending, i friggin love it! "In the phial all my knowledge I have placed,
This sweet union is blest as it is chaste." It really summarizes the trajedy of Romeo and Juliet. This is a great write, i can't wait to read more from you.
Edited on Jan 06, 4:45 p.m. because ''. -
Excellent work as usual! Poetic as if Shakespeare had written it himself and that is a really big compliment from me as I LOVE his works and have spent many years studying them!! Masterful...what else can I say?
Great write!
Sheryl -
I Like this very much. It is good to see someone has grasped the essence of a Shakespearean sonnet - including the sense break between octave and sestet and the use of the final couplet to summarise the message. And the archaisms - 'twould and 'tis - are appropriate to the context (only please remember the apostrophe with which they conventionally should start).
Keep up the good work! -
Hi MA, thanks a million, hugs Di
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this is amazing and beautifully written - there is some real talent in this contest.....well done and good luck
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Hi thanks a million my friend, hugs Di
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Absolutely lovely, Di! I love how you can find your way into the friar's mind and see what he is feeling. Very well done!
~Amanda -
Well done and congratulations on your silver trophy.
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v. good
A lovely flowing poem that incorporates the retelling of Romeo and Juliet with a happier ending - I hope!
Of course the usual high standard of poetry I have now come to expect of you - and what can I do, but again applaud. - and of course, wish you luck in the contest.
Edited on Oct 24, 1:56 because '...........'. -
Hi, no my friend they had just exechanged rings and pledged their vow, give them a chance, the other came later,lol, union as in marriage, got it,good, hugs Di
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If the sweet union "is blest as it is chaste" then it is not blest at all because they at this point had already consumated their marriage i believe....does this line mean something else that i didnt pick up on???
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Hi, thanks a million, I have a passion for Shakespeare, hugs Di
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Wow. This is one amazing piece of poetry.
The language that you use is so eloquent, so beautiful. Masterful, one might say.
The description is wonderful, to say the least. I absolutely loved the line, "And wintered hearts might melt as spring kissed snow,".
And while I am not a mistress of the sonnet, and my knowledge on them is very basic, I found that you have done a phenominal job.
The rhyme and flow, too are almost without flaw.
Overall, it is an excellent piece.
And Im glad to see that all my rules were followed. (Well, the ones before the update, anyway. But since you entered prior, youre exempt from that so it doesnt matter.)
Thanks for entering, good luck in my contest and terrific job!
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Hi Amity, thanks a million, hugs Di
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Another awesome write by you! I love how you use Romeo and juliet! Awesome job!
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Hi, thanks a million , hugs Di
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Well written sonnet. I'm a little sceptical of revisiting Romeo and Juliet in a sonnet (seems a tad cliche to do it in a Shakespearean Sonnet for one), but I'm willing to suspend my disbelief since this is such a sweet little poem.
This is a very smooth piece. Not in the least bit awkward. Not perfect iambic pentameter, but it sometimes can't be helped. Overall, pretty tight, despite my preconceptions. Nice.
Cheers,
Yossarian -
Hi thanks a million, hugs Di
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Hi, thanks a million, hugs Di
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Hi there, thanks a million, hugs Di
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Hi, thanks a million, yes the Friar is a minor character in the play, although for me he is an important part of the story,lol, hugs Di
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Wow, brilliant.
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artful
This is a beautiful sonnet, there was only 1 suggestion I could find to make. And was I started to write down all my reasons for suggesting it, I take it back. They should not be followed. I'll just say they delt with the final couplet...
Instead of making a recomendation I will commend you on the 2nd last line.
"In the phial all my knowledge I have placed,"
You have apparently broken iambic pentameter, but the violation is unaudible because even though the stressed "phial" precedes a stressed ALL, "phial" reads as if it were 2 syllables. stressed/unstressed. So it fits perfectly in front of the stressed "ALL". And the leading "in the" are both unstressed.
I also like that the poem is about romeo and juliet. If I'm not mistaken from the perspective of one of the minor characters, but I shall have to double check as I may be imagining it.
well done!
Edited on Jul 05 because ''. -
Very eloquently written. Beautiful! I lloved it!
Bonnie
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a beautiful shakespearean sonnet on, none other than, Shakespeare! It's been eons since I've read or seen Romeo and Juliet, but this brought it back crystal clear. I can't find any chinks in form off of first read, it is perfect to my ear. But then, you've already revised it, as I can see now that I've read the other comments. It is a great poem and is renewing my intrest in the sonnet.
Thank you,
Jenn W -
A masterblaster from Masterblaster!Liked the structure.
Best wishes,
manoj -
Very nice sonnet! Good luck in the contest
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Hi, thanks a million. might be difference between American and English on that one, but have put in sweet that solves it for now, hugs Di
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Love it! Haha, sorry I'm addicted to sonnets. I loved this one. The language was very fitting to Shakespeare. THe meter I do believe was flawless on this one, at least to my ear. One thing... The last line is only nine syllables, but it reads like that might just be a typo? Another as before "blest" would fill it and it sounds almost as if that is what you intended but I don't know. Great job here. God bless.
~Stefani~ -
Hi, thanks a million, I love Shakespeare, hugs Di
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And this is just as good if not better than the other one you entered great job~~~~
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Wow, this is amazing, but what's new your writings always amaze me. Keep writing you have a very rich talent.
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crystaldust 06-05-05 21:25
Nice one, Di, my friend. The Friar doesn't get much attention even in the play, so it's really great to read this poem. I can't help feeling you'd make an excellent job of Mercutio. Want to try? You should be able to make something of "A plague on both your houses"! Applause coming up for this and good luck in the contest. MLJ -
Hi Krishna, thanks a million, your opinion means a lot, big hug Di
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This a marvellous account of a key event in the play. The economy of words and the taut structure make it a pleasure to read.
krishna
Edited on May 06, 11:30 because ''. -
Very, uh...Shakespeare. What more can I say? LOL
Thank you for sharing.
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Simply wonderful!
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good one
Ah,this was nice,quite a style you have there.I enjoyed reading this,that line "And wintered hearts might melt as spring kissed snow" was my favorite one.Great job with the ords,masterblaster,keep up the good work
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Hi Zorro, thanks a million, will catch you up this evening as working to day, hugs Di
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Beautiful write on a fantastic topic you covered it well in your fantastic style
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very nice, if only my mind were functioning well enough to leave more of a comment. I can only say I enjoyed it. >;o)
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oh , i love it!
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This was a good poem. I liked it. well done
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